Came out to a coworker

[RavenL]

Well today I decided that it was time to come out to a closer friend at work today. I've known him for the last four years and we've hung out a lot. He's been over to my house, eaten dinner, watched movies, played games etc. And really considered him one of my best friends. So today I figured well I might as well let him know. And told him what's going on that my brain and body are not matching right now, but soon I'll fix it. And before I could get another word in  he then replied "Oh silly brain its a good thing you'll be taking medicine because that's crazy it thinks your a girl." Those were his exact words and well they kind of hurt. And I was pretty much did not know what to day and must managed "Yeah, stuff is weird sometimes." Didn't even feel like trying to correct him or explain what is really going on. And at this point I'm wondering if I even care to bring up the subject again.

Thanks for reading, Raven 

[suzifrommd]

Hugs Raven. Sounds painful and disappointing. If you washed your hands of him, that would be understandable.

If not, it might help to explain that there are hundreds of thousands of transgender people in the country and current medical thought is that our brains are wired to be a gender that is different from our body sex.

If that isn't enough for him, then he probably doesn't want to be educated.

[Dena]

You have been moving extremely fast lately doing in a few week what most of us take a year of two. You have just hit your first bump in the road and there are going to be more. Your friend appears to have no knowledge of the transition process so the test of your friendship will be how will he is to work with you and learn what you are going through. You will have some failure and some surprising successes and it won't be possible to tell in advance which will be which.

People have a hard time visualizing what you will look like in the other gender because they have had no experience doing it. The response you get here is different because we do know what can be done and many of us have worked with altering appearances for years. As people see the changes take place in your appearance and personality, most will be drawn closer to you because we tent to become nicer people as we resolve our inter conflicts.

Don't let this deter you but put it on your list as needing additional work.

[Ms Grace]

Sorry it went poorly for you.

Chances are your friend just really didn't know what to say - he is a guy after all and he's been used to doing guy stuff with you and he can only picture you as a guy so it may be to much for his brain to compute that you are in fact female. This is one of the reasons I decided to not bother telling anyone until I was very close to going full time - regardless of adverse comments they're less likely to deter you.

As I've mentioned this has been my second tilt at transition. Several years ago after a fat mouthed mutual acquaintance outed my trans history to a close friend/colleague/drinking buddy of mine I decided to tell him a bit more about it, etc. He was quite "sympathetic" and accepting but he also said - "good thing you didn't, no offence but you would've been one weird looking chick"...!!! Yeah, it was a bit insulting but we were being candid and were both a bit drunk - but the thing is that when outing ourselves pre-transition people can still only see the guy not the gal. They can't even begin to comprehend the gal especially if they are hung up on "looks".

When I started transition this time I kept my mouth shut but when I got close to wanting to go out in girl mode with friends I started telling them, when I did so I'd show them pics of me as Grace to help them connect a few dots. I think it really helped change their perception. Since I was still good friends with that guy I mentioned above, when I decided to retransition I made it a personal mission to "prove him wrong" and I did, and I know that because when I came out to him again and showed him the pics I reminded him of his earlier comments and he sheepishly admitted he was wrong... then he did so again when he got to meet me for the first time.

It's painful to get those kind of responses you got with your friend but if you're sitting there telling them you're female but you're presenting as male some people's brains just cannot make the leap and so stupid comments ensue. See if "visual prompts" can help! 🙂

[katrinaw]

lots of hugs Raven,
that was a very disappointing response for you xx
I still have to do that with a male friend yet myself??

May have not really have been watching or listening to the way you were telling him, distracted maybe?... just a thought.

I think I would give it a short period and maybe try again...

Other than that, sorry that it went so unexpectedly poorly for you...

L Katy xoxoxoxo

[RavenL]

Thanks ladies. It didn't make me angry or sad just really disappointed since I really considered him a rather liberal person. Also since I was one of three friends he has at work, we've both known as the odds one there. Really I might just go with Suzi's advice and "wash my hands of him" Even before all this started we'd kind of started to fall away. Kind of figured out he was just using me as a free dinner ever week or so. Figured I'd lose a few friends and gain more so no problem.

I'll at least put one positive note here. One of my other coworkers has been experiencing being tired, having to go the bathroom a lot, bursts of energy after eating food etc. And other guys have just told him he's faking it and there's nothing wrong. I took him off to the side last night and said he should really get it checked out since he might have diabetes from the sounds of his symptoms. I actually ended up making him a little happier since I didn't say he was making it up.

Thanks again ladies,
Raven

[Mariah]

Hugs Raven. I hate to say it but often seeing is believing when it comes to people especially guys. I hope in the future when you tell people it goes better, but Grace is right waiting tell your closer to full time might be very beneficial for you. I only told a couple of people before hand one by choice the rest waited tell I was within a month of going full time. Remember they can't live your life for you so I wouldn't let them get you down. I know that is easier said than done though. Hugs
Mariah

[RavenL]

Thanks Mariah! I'm just going to sit tight right now and not even worry about it. I really don't really knowanyone else at my job to let them know my secret. Just going to hold my head up high and be me.

Hugs Raven