Non-transition for the forseeable future, feeling stuck.

[preuxfox]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. I was going to post in introductions, but I realized I'm feeling really down right now and it would be kind of a drag, and then I saw this sub-forum and it seemed like the place to get some things off my chest.

I'm FtM, 27. I've known what my gender is since late high school - Junior year. I haven't pursued any medical transition yet.

I'm a very cautious and practical person by nature. I also had a very difficult relationship with my parents while living in their house, and had to prioritize moving out for my own health. My younger sister and I purchased a condo together and I am currently working at a nice job in a very conservative industry to pay for my half of the costs.

I don't regret any of this, and I have a plan in place for when I will be able to transition. It involves becoming self-employed, though, and by my estimates, I won't be able to quit my day job for another three to five years.

I'm out to all my friends and I have a partner I love very much who is also FtM and permanently non-transition (due to health reasons). Most of the time, this is enough for right now. But lately I have been feeling like garbage. I hear about younger people starting HRT or coming out to their whole school (I would have never had that kind of courage!) and instead of being happy for them, I just start thinking about what a complacent coward I am compared to them, and how I really deserve to feel this dysphoria since I'm choosing not to do anything about it.

Well, I did say it would be a downer. Sorry! I am hoping that participating and contributing to a larger trans community will help; I used to hang out on a forum like this when I was younger and it seems like there are a lot of good folks here.

P.S. Maybe I should have given my name? Hi, I'm Tod.

[Northern Star Girl]

@preuxfox   
Dear Tod:
    Thank you for coming here and being a part of the Forums.

   I am most pleased that you had decided to join the Susan's Place site.

    Please allow me to officially welcome you here.
    Thank you for writing your first postings.... as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[Northern Star Girl]

@preuxfox
Oh, and another thing, Tod,
I am aware in your first posting here on this thread that you mentioned that right now you are feeling down and did not want to post your Introduction, but soon when you are able to do so would you please make a point to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself and therefore be able to receive and to give more suggestions and shared thoughts.

Now, after all of this Official Greeting stuff you can have your thread back !!!!

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle

[preuxfox]

@preuxfox
Oh, and another thing, Tod,
I am aware in your first posting here on this thread that you mentioned that right now you are feeling down and did not want to post your Introduction, but soon when you are able to do so would you please make a point to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself and therefore be able to receive and to give more suggestions and shared thoughts.

Now, after all of this Official Greeting stuff you can have your thread back !!!!

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle

Thank you for the welcome, Danielle! I promise to stop by the Introductions forum soon 

[Sno]

Hey Tod,

Welcome. Maybe it could help to think about this slightly differently - that what you are doing is working towards your confirmation of self, by gathering resources - it can be a tricky business, and expensive too, at least you know your goal, and can ensure you're fully prepared...?

(Hugs)


Rowan

[MeTony]

Hi Tod.

It took me more than 10 years to be ready. To dare to come out. You come out when you are ready, there is no right or wrong. There is nothing called a coward, if you are not ready, than keep processing and wait for that right moment. When you feel you can't keep it in anymore, just release the pressure and keep going foward. Throw in the second gear and push the nitro button.

I'm 41 and in therapy. You should seek out a gender therapist when you are ready for the next step. The therapist will help you sort out your thoughts and feelings of being transgender. In Sweden where I live you can't get T or operations without getting through therapy first. I guess it is a good thing. Very few regret transitioning in Sweden.

It's ok to feel depressed and down. It's part of our lives. You are not alone, we have all been there or are there.


Tony