Discovering Jen

[Lori Dee]

I know she's still in there and I'm not giving up on her.

Jen, we were just discussing something similar with Elizabeth. Check out some of the replies to her post. Maybe there is something there that can provide some inspiration.

https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,251994.msg2314741.html#msg2314741

Never let the negative thoughts get the better of you. In psychology, we call them ANTs or NATs. Automatic Negative Thoughts are the negative self-talk that we all experience. The best way to counter them is to "prove" they are not true.

For example, "Nothing good ever happens to me." That is easy enough to prove false by just remembering the good things that have happened.

"If I come out everyone will reject me and I'll be more alone than ever." That is a real fear that many of us have faced. The keyword here is "everyone". No, not "everyone" will reject you. Some might, but others will not.

"I don't have the strength or the courage or the confidence to see it all the way through. When it gets too hard I'll just give up." Look back at your life and all of the hardships you have ever faced. Some seemed insurmountable, and yet you are still here. No problem that you have ever faced has beaten you, and they never will as long as you don't give up.

"Just who the hell do you think you are? You don't deserve to be happy. Life dealt you a hand you don't like and that's just too bad. Suck it up and drop this fantasy." You are Jen. Yes, sometimes life sucks, but you find a way through. Deep inside, you know who you are. It is not a fantasy. It is more real than that negative voice in your head. By embracing who we know that we are, we unburden ourselves and we become happier people. The more that this happens, it reinforces our confidence that we are on the correct path. Smack that devil off your shoulder because Jen is in charge here. 🙂

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jen T.
Dear Jen:
Thank you for opening up, trusting us and sharing your feelings here.

Never give up...
        yes, as you stated, "I know she's still in there and I'm not giving up on her."

Please keep posting, venting and writing out your feelings.... no judgement
coming from any of us here on the Forum. 

This is your safe sanctuary.

We will keep reading and we will give your our ears to listen and our
shoulders for you to lean on....  keep on keeping on and for you please
hang on to peace, love and happiness,

As @Lori Dee mentioned in her previous posting...
take a look at the LINK with the posting and thread regarding another member
that has written about similar issues as you have written about for yourself...
lots of helpful information and suggestions that may help you....  .

Many HUGS and more HUGS, ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

[tgirlamg]

Earlier in the summer, when I first discovered this community and I came out to my therapist, it was a whirlwind of energy and excitement and emotion; nearly all of it positive. For the first time ever I was really hopeful that I actually could get over my fear and finally move forward and let people see on the outside what I'd been feeling inside for decades. The last couple of weeks have been rather the opposite.

The fear is back. "If I come out everyone will reject me and I'll be more alone than ever."

The self-doubt is back. "I don't have the strength or the courage or the confidence to see it all the way through. When it gets too hard I'll just give up."

Even the good old fashioned self-hatred. "Just who the hell do you think you are? You don't deserve to be happy. Life dealt you a hand you don't like and that's just too bad. Suck it up and drop this fantasy."

This all comes after spending eleven weeks with a walking boot and a cane as I recovered from a broken foot. That experience really wasn't as bad as it sounds but it had me thinking of all the other physical challenges I'll be dragging into my transition. I've got a bad back, two arthritic knees and need more dental work than I can possibly afford. On top of that there's sleep apnea, morbid obesity and baldness.

So, when I spend time inside my own head swirling that all around the whirlwind of excitement becomes a giant depression tornado. I've taken up residence in the eye of that storm before and (barely) lived through it. Not looking to live there again. 

I know ups and downs are normal and this down period will pass but the longer it goes on the worse it feels. I did do something fun the other day. I found a school photo of me in 1988 at age 15 and used AI to feminize it, complete with big 80's hair. 😀 It's my new favorite photo of me. It's the person I lived every day as a teenager wishing I could be.

I know she's still in there and I'm not giving up on her.
Thanks for reading.

Peace, love and happiness,

Jen

Hey Little Sister!

I know how very easy it can be to slip into fear mode when so very many things seem to sit between where you are... and where you truly want to be in your life... unknowns about what it could take to get there... or even if we can get there at all... provide a void into which all our deepest fears come to do their thing...

Consider giving equal time in your mind to the opposites of what these fears are whispering in your ear... Hope always deserves equal time in all matters of consideration.

We can easily view this all as overwhelmingly complex but, it is as simple as a decision to wake up each day and be yourself. You are surrounded here with folks who have had all the same fears and found their way to lives that far better serve the needs of the souls within. The power to do that resides in you as well girl!

I know she's still in there and I'm not giving up on her.

Amazing things await you brave sister...

Hugs!

A💕