Hi Buffy,
Welcome to Susan's Place!
I wanted to add my voice to the warm welcomes you've already received. Reading your post, what stands out to me is how clearly you're thinking about this. After decades of living with dysphoria, choosing to move forward methodically rather than impulsively tells me you already understand something that takes many people a long time to learn — this is a marathon, and the women who build the most solid foundations tend to be the ones who pace themselves.
You asked two very specific questions, so let me try to give you practical answers.
On voice:You're already ahead of the curve by recognizing that resonance matters more than pitch. That's the single most important insight in voice feminization, and many people spend months chasing a higher pitch before they figure it out. The "bright" quality that reads as feminine comes primarily from raising your larynx position and shifting your resonance forward — think of it as moving the sound from your chest into your head and face. Pitch matters, but it's secondary to where the sound lives.
For the first three to six months, I'd suggest starting with one of the well-regarded YouTube channels. Trans Voice Lessons (Zhea) is excellent for understanding the mechanics and theory. Seattle Voice Lab is wonderful for practical exercises you can work through systematically. Between those two, you'll have a solid self-study foundation.
A few practical tips from members who started in a similar place: practice in short daily sessions rather than long occasional ones. Fifteen to twenty minutes a day will serve you better than two hours on a weekend. Record yourself regularly, because your internal perception of your voice is very different from what others hear. And be patient — the muscles involved are small, and building coordination takes time. Many women find noticeable progress around the three-month mark, with more natural-sounding results developing over six months to a year.
There are also some excellent software tools that can support your training. Voice Tools (available for Android) and Voice Pitch Analyzer are popular apps that give you real-time visual feedback on your pitch range, letting you see exactly where you're speaking and track your progress over time. Seeing that visual representation can be incredibly motivating and helps you calibrate what you're hearing internally against what's actually coming out. Christella VoiceUp is an app specifically designed for voice feminization training with structured exercises. For more general vocal analysis, Spectroid or similar spectrogram apps let you visualize not just pitch but your resonance patterns and formant frequencies — which, since you've already identified resonance as your focus, could be particularly useful for you. Being able to see the shift in your resonance on screen as you practice gives you concrete feedback that your ears alone might miss, especially early on.
If self-study doesn't get you where you want to be, a speech therapist who specializes in gender voice work can help identify specific habits and tensions that videos and apps can't catch.
I also want to mention voice feminization surgery as an option worth knowing about, even if it's not a first step. I had the triple voice surgery with Dr. Haben in Rochester, New York (
https://professionalvoice.org/ 🔗), and honestly, I consider it one of the most important procedures I've had — I'd rank it above everything except bottom surgery in terms of its impact on daily life. As part of the triple they also shave down your adam's apple.
Your voice is something you use in every single interaction, and having it simply work for you without constant effort and self-monitoring is profoundly freeing. At the time mine cost roughly $3,500, though prices may have changed. I'd highly recommend it. That said, voice training first is still wise — many women get to a place they're happy with through training alone, and even if you do eventually pursue surgery, having a foundation in vocal technique will help you get the most from the surgical result.
As Lori Dee mentioned, we also tend to worry about our voices and appearance far more than other people. Give yourself grace on this one.
On facial hair removal:This is where I want to make sure you have the full picture, because there are things I wish more people knew before starting.
The first and most important thing is to take an honest look at your facial hair color. This determines your treatment path.
If you have mostly dark hair with lighter skin, laser should be your first step. It's faster and less expensive per session than electrolysis, and it can eliminate a large percentage of dark hairs relatively quickly — typically over six to eight sessions spaced several weeks apart. Pema's experience of roughly ninety percent reduction in dark hairs is very consistent with what our members report.
However — and this is critical — laser does not work on gray, white, red, or very light blonde hairs. It targets the pigment in the hair follicle, so if there's no dark pigment, the laser has nothing to lock onto. If you have significant gray or white in your beard, electrolysis is your path for those hairs from the start. Electrolysis works on every hair color and type because it destroys the follicle directly with electrical current rather than relying on pigment.
Many women end up doing a combination approach — laser first to clear the bulk of the dark hair quickly, then electrolysis for the remaining lighter hairs and any stubborn dark ones that survived laser. This tends to be the most time-efficient and cost-effective strategy if you have a mix of colors.
Things to know before you begin: avoid sun exposure on the treatment area before and after sessions. Stop plucking or waxing at least several weeks before starting, because both laser and electrolysis need the hair root intact to work. Shaving between sessions is fine and expected. A good topical numbing cream applied before appointments can make a real difference in comfort, especially for electrolysis.
Budget-wise, facial hair removal is typically one of the larger transition expenses and one of the longest timelines. Most people are looking at a year to two years or more to fully clear facial hair, depending on density, color mix, and how your skin responds. Starting early, as you're planning to do, is one of the smartest decisions you can make — every month you begin sooner is a month sooner you're done.
Beyond your two questions:I'll echo what several others have said — finding a therapist experienced with gender identity is worth putting on your list when you're ready. Not because there's any question about what you're experiencing, but because having a knowledgeable person in your corner is invaluable as you navigate this process. A formal diagnosis also opens doors for insurance coverage of treatments including hair removal and HRT when and if you choose to pursue that path.
You're building this the right way, Buffy. You don't need to have the whole road mapped out — just the next few steps. And you've clearly identified those. Keep us posted on how things go. We're here for the long haul with you.
Welcome home!
— Susan💜
