White Party

[Jillian-TG]

Just finished up another cruise with my wife and it was a breakthrough week for us. I dressed daily in plain androgynous looking woman's clothing (shorts, t shirts, nude hose etc). Had on light makeup often.

We have been married for almost 30 years and my gender fluidity / CD / trans (I don't even know what to call it anymore) has always been an issue. But slowly but surely she's showing more acceptance. She usually doesn't participate when I dress as a woman. She's ok with me dressing but usually keeps her distance. This past week I asked if I could go to the themed white party as a woman... this was full transformation with wig and full makeup and not the stealth stuff I was doing all week. Usually she would say no. Surprise surprise she agreed.

I was nervous as heck but the evening went well. The ship was already decorated for the holiday season and fellow passenger kindly took a picture of us.

Last month we did a Halloween themed cruise and I went as Wonder Woman but this was different. It's one thing to dress up over Halloween but entirely different from a regular party. I got a few "double looks" and negative stink eye from some guests at the white party but ignored them at the party. Most passengers were cool.

This past week on the cruise we've had some deep conversations and it feels like we have made real progress. So much so that I am more comfortable referring to myself as trans than a CD when talking to her. And she hasn't freaked out.

The massive breakthrough? She has agreed that we can take a cruise next year as a full girls trip where I can go fulltime as a woman with her. I'm literally thinking it must be a dream but this past week we have never laughed so much or had such a good time. And I told her it's because she's seeing the "real" me.

I'm very grateful for her and how things are progressing. I've told her that I want to come out of the closet and live more authentically but I will be patient and won't move faster than her comfort levels.

[Pema]

Jillian, this is wonderful to read. Thank you so much for sharing it and congratulations on this opening up to the authentic life you deserve.

[tgirlamg]

Jillian!... Well done little sister!... Looking Gorgeous!

Onward!

Ashley 💕

[Lori Dee ✅]

And I told her it's because she's seeing the "real" me.

I'm very grateful for her and how things are progressing. I've told her that I want to come out of the closet and live more authentically but I will be patient and won't move faster than her comfort levels.

This is the key to success. You look great!

By not pressuring her, but letting her know it is important to you opens that line of communication. And as you noticed, both of you are happier and laughing more because it is easier to relax and be yourself.

Congrats!

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

So great to see that you could relax and be yourself. Must have felt amazing for sure. You look very elegant and beautiful.

Here's to even more amazing outings!

[Jillian-TG]

Thank you for all the kind comments.

We've both been commenting how much we laughed and acted silly this past week. That's remarkable considering we are approaching our 30th wedding anniversary next month. I think she's finally connected the dots that the real me isnt someone cosplaying being a man. The real me is feminine and girly but that also doesn't define me. Labels aside, I'm just a nicer person when I can drop the act and lower my guard. My wife finally saw that this past week. I'm not saying she has accepted that I am trans (she hasn't) but she said she's willing to try to better understand me. We agreed that we need a week together where I am fulltime as a woman so she can decide how it feels for her. We are aiming to do that cruise the end of March. We actually have another one prior to that next month January (yes we cruise too often lol) but that's our 30th anniversary cruise. I'm smart enough to know that she doesn't want me dressing 24/7 on that special event cruise.

Anyways I need to be patient and not make her feel pressured. I'm grateful for any progress because she is a special woman.

[Jillian-TG]

I figured I would update this post although I have mentioned current status in a different post.

Recently my wife has had a change of mind and has said she's not comfortable at all with my transgender side. Despite the fact that we did have an amazing vacation (which was the subject of this original post) she's been struggling to overlook the source of what made me happy which in turn made the trip amazing. I know it's not the most logical way of her to view things but I realize I cannot make her like me as a woman.
My logic is:
- I was given the freedom to be myself
- we had an amazing time
- I would like to live like that more when we are at home and not on vacation

Her logic
- my happiness is conditional on being allowed to dress as a woman
- we are only happy when I get my way and
- she can't deal with my female side anymore

We've been married almost 30 years so I've seen the ups and downs of acceptance and rejection so perhaps this is just another round on the rollercoaster, and down the road she has another change of heart.

Will see what 2026 brings but it looks like I will have to lay low and not push the subject in order to keep the peace at home.

It kind of sucks having to compromise on not being authentic just to keep the peace. Overall we have a very good marriage and are like best friends. But my female side has always been a big problem and continues to be.

[Pema]

Thank you for posting more about your situation, Jillian. It seems like you've processed things a bit further and are settling into a clearer assessment of where things stand.

Not that you asked me to, but I want to comment on a few things you've said here that caught my attention. As always, feel free to tell me to mind my own business. I can do that when asked!

Recently my wife has had a change of mind

This is that part that would have me asking lots of questions. What happened? Why were you so supportive before and what changed your feelings? Is there a middle ground somewhere that you'd find acceptable?

I was given the freedom to be myself

I find that to be huge, so I hope you've used those words with her. The alternative is what, exactly? How does one cast the alternative to freedom to be oneself as anything other than oppression?

I would like to live like that more when we are at home and not on vacation

This was a recurring issue for my wife and me for decades - completely unrelated to gender. We'd find a rhythm and experience such peace and closeness during vacations, vow that we'd find ways to bring more of it into our "regular life," and then it would all evaporate within 3 days of returning home. In retrospect, we really did find tiny ways of being more relaxed, more still in our daily lives, and those did have beneficial effects, but it felt almost impossible to achieve anything resembling the level of stillness we'd known during vacations. I'm still convinced that there are ways of inching toward it.

my happiness is conditional on being allowed to dress as a woman

To frame it in the context of "happiness" is to deny the depth of what is at stake. Happiness is an emotion, a transient spike in our experience of our lives. This is about being at peace with yourself, with who you are. As long as you feel you have to perform as something you're not, your life is not your own.

it looks like I will have to lay low and not push the subject in order to keep the peace at home.

See above. What is a "peace" that demands that you cannot be at peace?

It kind of sucks having to compromise on not being authentic just to keep the peace.

Is it a compromise? Are there ways that your wife has conceded her preferences to meet you in the middle? If so, then maybe you two have agreed upon something workable for now. If I just change the words slightly, it still sounds unkind to me:

"To keep the peace, I have to be inauthentic."

I have difficulty wrapping my heart around how anyone could want that for anyone. What kind of a relationship does that leave?

So, like I said above, these are the questions I would annoyingly be asking my wife (and have on occasion). Your life is yours, and I want you to live it exactly the way you choose.

Sending love to you both,
Pema

[Lori Dee ✅]

Jillian,

Thanks for the update. The question that runs through my mind is What changed?

At first, she seemed to be on board with the whole thing, bought you a bikini (no small thing in that action), and agreed to have a Girl's Cruise with you full-time.

At some point between then and now, she changed her mind. Was it due to conversations with friends or family that changed it? Did someone accuse her of becoming a lesbian? Somewhere, she went from being excited about having a live-in girlfriend for a week-long cruise, to none of it allowed.

You don't need to answer here. That is strictly between the two of you. But understanding the Why? could help you find a real compromise. And compromise means give and take on both sides.

Just something to think about.

[ChrissyRyan]

Maybe things will work out for the both of you for you expressing your femininity over time.
This is likely a lot for a spouse to deal with and many might simply have nothing to do with it.
I wish it works out for you two.


Chrissy

[Jillian-TG]

Jillian,

Thanks for the update. The question that runs through my mind is What changed?

At first, she seemed to be on board with the whole thing, bought you a bikini (no small thing in that action), and agreed to have a Girl's Cruise with you full-time.

At some point between then and now, she changed her mind. Was it due to conversations with friends or family that changed it? Did someone accuse her of becoming a lesbian? Somewhere, she went from being excited about having a live-in girlfriend for a week-long cruise, to none of it allowed.

You don't need to answer here. That is strictly between the two of you. But understanding the Why? could help you find a real compromise. And compromise means give and take on both sides.

Just something to think about.

Fair question on what changed and cause such a sudden 180 degree turnaround.and I've asked her that because I don't believe I've done anything different since we came home.

She just said that it has always bothered her and she has felt pressured into accepting this. And the more I've explained myself the more she has interpreted that as me pressuring her.

Maybe she is afraid to be too happy and has pushed back as we were heading into what appeared to be a happy state. For now I've figured the better route is to back off and let her process this without me explaining myself to her. The last thing I want to do is put pressure on her.

[ChrissyRyan]

Does she allow yourself to freely express your femininity at home?  Perhaps you answered in a prior posting.

Yes, in public is different than at home, but it is nice to just be yourself at home too.


Chrissy

[Lori Dee ✅]

For now I've figured the better route is to back off and let her process this without me explaining myself to her. The last thing I want to do is put pressure on her.

This is a wise decision. You cannot force someone to accept something they are not willing to do. Patience and education will go a long way. It takes time for her to understand what you are going through, and then to decide if she can live with that or not. Just keep being you. The you she fell in love with and married. That never changes, and eventually, she will see that.

Good luck. I hope things work out for you two.

[Jillian-TG]

Does she allow yourself to freely express your femininity at home?  Perhaps you answered in a prior posting.

Yes, in public is different than at home, but it is nice to just be yourself at home too.


Chrissy

Over the years she has been somewhat tolerant of me dressing what I call "part time" at home. But recently she's done a bit of a 180 and has said she wants me to stop.

[Jillian-TG]

This is a wise decision. You cannot force someone to accept something they are not willing to do. Patience and education will go a long way. It takes time for her to understand what you are going through, and then to decide if she can live with that or not. Just keep being you. The you she fell in love with and married. That never changes, and eventually, she will see that.

Good luck. I hope things work out for you two.

Yes I've come to realize that the more I explain and want deep conversations the more she interprets that as me pressuring her and trying to convince her. But honestly I'm just trying to communicate and express myself but it's being received as pressure. Not my intentions.

So the best route right now is to back off and give some space.