Can you be happy, if you stay in the closet

[jk4361]

the thought of going out into the world is a worrisome one for me.
perhaps one day I will be ok with going public but for now prefer to remain a private dresser and I feel happy with that for now...

[Wendi]

I spent many years in the closet and it worked for me. The urge to go out kept getting stronger and stronger for me so I took the ball and ran with it. I'm happy I did as I feel really go out in public dressed but that's me now.

If you're fine staying in the closet there's nothing wrong with it. At least you're getting a chance to feel what it's like to me more feminine.

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[ramilove]

I think so and people should be happy. Happy in the closet, happy out of the closet, everybody is different, living different lives with different people. What works for one person may not work for another. Myself, right now I am happy out in the open being androgynous, partly male, partly female, gender non conformists who is most happy just being myself.

[randim]

It is a very individual thing, but I am finding it hard to stay closeted.  We are social beings, and essentially hiding such an important part of your core self from the world runs counter to our nature.  It makes it difficult to feel truly accepted.I think of that old motivational poster about boats being safe in the harbor, but that's not what boats are for.  Along those lines, you don't need cute shoes just to walk around the house.

[Maid Marion]

I've often gone to company dinners and outings and ate with the known gays and lesbians.  Never had any issues socializing with them.

[Rayna]

To update my response from last November 10th, I'm now more Ok in public places. I've also evolved more into an androgynous and non-binary presentation. I haven't worn makeup in over a month, yet I wear femme shirts, hats and pants publicly. I went grocery shopping in a very busy store that way today. No problems and I liked the way I felt out where I was visible. As @randim said, we are social beings and it feels good to be with others.

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[Wendi]

To update my response from last November 10th, I'm now more Ok in public places. I've also evolved more into an androgynous and non-binary presentation. I haven't worn makeup in over a month, yet I wear femme shirts, hats and pants publicly. I went grocery shopping in a very busy store that way today. No problems and I liked the way I felt out where I was visible. As @randim said, we are social beings and it feels good to be with others.

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Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad you felt good. I do the same thing sometimes if I don't have time to get dolled up.

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[Robbyv213]

There are many risk to benefit factors that come into play. One big obvious one is your physical safety.

Most therapists and even doctors would suggest the very minimum of transition or treatment to satisfy or overcome the symptoms of each individual. Some can be perfectly happy dressing in private. Some need hormones, others need to fill transition and be passable. It is different for everyone based on the level and severity of their symptoms.

[ChrissyRyan]

Yes, you can. But if you leave the closet you may find a wonderful world of experiences.
Not everything has been rosey after I left the closet but I am happy.

Chrissy

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Everyone

Closet?  No, I was never in the closet figuratively or literally.  Well I was isolated and naive about the world and I did not really know what the word closet meant in that sense.  Yes, I did get dressed completely as a female and just before I started to change my life around, I was wearing more feminine clothing underneath my daily work clothes.

I never saw that what I was doing at the time, that there was anything wrong with what I was doing.  What I was doing just felt right, although I knew in a sense, that cross dressing was basically a no no at the time.

Which leads to the point, why was I not coming "out of the closet" in your terms?  I keep saying and I will keep saying it, I'm a private, quite, shy person and not saying anything about my 'medical condition', ensured that I was always safe, even when I did change my life around, I never said anything, because my safety was paramount.

I may have been naive about what I was doing.  However, my instincts on being quite, was innate inside me and hence why I have never had any troubles in how I have lived my life.  If you really want to say; "I'm in the closet" then I'm still in the closet and I'm not happy, but extremely happy.

As I have mentioned in some of "Sarah B's Story", one particular Christmas, it was between Dec 1987 and Jan 1988, that there was a fundamental shift in the way my life was going.  During my travels at that time, which was about a week.  Sarah was living her life as much as possible during that time.  Was she conscious of what she was doing?  No, she was just living day to day.  She was on holidays for the first time in her life, what a way to start one's new life, anew!

I will also keep on saying I never 'transitioned', in Feb 1989, I just changed my clothes and Sarah continued living her life.  She was never in a closet so to speak, she was never restricted in what she has done with her life, she has had a wonderful life so far and she has never regretted anything in what she has done.

To you, did I come out of the closet?  No, I'm still there!

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

[Lori Dee ✅]

For some, it is possible to find happiness. Everyone transitions to their own satisfaction. Some may need the full treatment with surgery. Others might be content with underdressing. There is no right or wrong.

For me, I need the full treatment, but I am quickly realizing that I may never achieve that. I am happier than I have ever been in my life, but my goal is to be happiest.

[CD4Eva]

Yes you can be just as happy in private.  I have dressed out in public a few years ago but now content to be behind closed doors.

[D'Amalie]

Hi Everyone

Closet?  No, I was never in the closet figuratively or literally.  Well I was isolated and naive about the world and I did not really know what the word closet meant in that sense.  Yes, I did get dressed completely as a female and just before I started to change my life around, I was wearing more feminine clothing underneath my daily work clothes...because my safety was paramount...just living day to day.  I will also keep on saying I never 'transitioned', in Feb 1989, I just changed my clothes and Sarah continued living her life.  She was never in a closet so to speak, she was never restricted in what she has done with her life, she has had a wonderful life so far and she has never regretted anything in what she has done.

To you, did I come out of the closet?  No, I'm still there!

Even more so, now.  I wear what I wear, and act how I act.  Just because I'm not confrontational you might say I'm closeted, but one look at me and you wouldn't ever take me for a specific gender.  That in itself frightens some inexperienced folks.  That's where the danger comes in.

[ChrissyRyan]

If you are not out, what do you think about this?  Can you be happy if you stay in the closet?


Chrissy

[Dances With Trees]

I was so out until my daughter moved home about three years ago. Both her and her partner of five years know I'm transgender, genderfluid, queer, pick you own word, but I never cross dress when they're home. Her partner is MAGA and I don't want to interject any unnecessary discord into their relationship. So, I really look forward to the days they are both at work. I'm not unhappy. And I'm glad for the company. But I do miss those other days of the week.

[Dawn Kellie]

Personally I'm in the closet but the door is open. I live in S. Florida so sandals are nearly always an option. I have painted toes and go about my daily business. I even am able to go get my nails done with my wife. I wear panties most days, under men's clothes. I have a modest woman's wardrobe that i can wear anytime. As for today I'm happy where I'm at for thw moment.
My wife's job is at a spiritual based hospital and we live in a small town. I'm not able to go out as dressed but we visit larger cities and I've done some dressing. I'm not into the high heels and tight dresses so it is a little less of a serious shock for the prides

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

To be honest ever since coming out of the closet being gay aged 16, I've never entertained the concept of keeping anything in the closet since. I can only begin to be happy being my true self and along with that will only accept people in my life that accept me. I have no problem rejecting anyone from my life that doesn't allow me to be me.

[Rubycd79]

I'm the same and feel the same way. im a closet crossdresser and always have been since I was a boy, the thought of anyone seeing me in my big dresses quite terrifies me but also excites me when I wear them about the house, I leave the house unlocked thinking imagine someone walked in while I'm wearing these dresses and I'm a bit out the norm as a I love big skirted dresses!

[Anne_lifetrip]

Wow, this is a really good and personal question and as we can see, there are as many answers as personal situations.
In my case I am transitioning at my own pace. I have been deep inside the closet, but in recent years I finally accepted myself and started my transition.
The first point was to accept myself and play around with clothes and discover my female fashion, which made me happy.
Then trying to find how to be more femenine, all inside, but also happy.
Then, one day, I was ready and started playing outside. First at night and in places where there was not that many people or there was not that much light...and that kept me happy.
This went on and I started coming out in broa daylight and discovered that people didn't really mind, in general. Other really did mind...but it is not my problem, but theirs...and that made me happy.
I have been working on resilience and acceptance of the bad comments directed at me, but I also learnt to smile more...and that made me happy.

My goal...

I am happier than I have ever been in my life, but my goal is to be happiest.

So, do what you need to be happy, but at your pace and enjoying it.
Love,  Anne

[Jillian-TG]

Whether you can be happy or not is highly personal.
I'm married with kids. My wife flip flops between DADT and threats of divorce to mild acceptance. To keep the peace I've stayed in the closet but the older I've grown the more I feel a sense of discomfort being in the closet. It's not "just the clothes" but rather the current inability to express my true self. I consider myself gender fluid but much more to the female side. I'm ok in male mode for short stints but find it tiring 24/7. So being able to dress as a woman and go out in public is a huge relief for me. Sadly I don't get many opportunities to do that.