Hi Eilidh,
Welcome to Susan's Place. I'm Susan, the site founder.
Coming out at 37 and starting medical transition at 39 puts you in good company here — a lot of our members started somewhere in that window, and the I knew but it took me a while to know I knew arc is one of the most common stories on the site. You have most of your life still ahead of you, and there will come a time when who you were before fades away, leaving only who you are. That's not something you have to make happen. It happens on its own, with time, while you're busy living. You're on time for you, which is the only timing that ever really matters.
For feminization specifically, you'll find a lot of accumulated knowledge across a few different boards. Hormone replacement therapy has its own board under Transitioning, with members at every stage sharing what worked, what didn't, what they wish they'd known earlier. Passing has another, and so do Voice Therapy and Surgery, Hair removal, and Facial feminization surgery if those become relevant later. The wiki has some good reference material too. Browse around — most members find the boards that match where they are right now, and the ones that match where they're heading become useful later.
A few practical pieces of advice for the early changes:
The fastest gains in presentation are often the ones that don't require anything medical. Changing how you dress, getting your eyebrows shaped, finding a hair style that works for you, and learning to do your own makeup will move the needle more in the first months than people coming in usually expect. These simple changes quickly compound, and they directly affect how others perceive you. Coming out isn't a one-time event — early in transition, you'll find yourself doing it frequently, with new people, in new situations.
The more your presentation does the work for you, the less often you have to do it yourself.
The other thing that helps is voice work. Of all the things I personally went through, the procedure I felt was most important after GRS was voice surgery, with FFS after that. None of these are mandatory — they depend on your needs, your body, your situation, and what feels right for you — but if you're thinking about long-term planning, those are the ones that mattered most in my own experience. Plenty of members here transition without surgery beyond GRS, plenty go further, and both paths work. The right path is the one that fits the life you're building.
On the scary times piece — you're right that they are, and you're right to name it. The political environment is putting pressure on members across the country and across the world, and a lot of people here are carrying real fear right now along with everything else transition asks of them. What I'd offer is that this community has been here since 1995. That's a lot of fights, and the thing that's kept it alive is members showing up for each other. You'll find that here. People will witness you. People will share what they know. When you're ready to offer support back, there will be people who need exactly what you have to give. That's how this place works.
Glad you found us. Take your time looking around, post when you're ready, and don't worry about doing it perfectly. There's no version of belonging here that you have to earn.
Welcome!
— Susan💜
