Why now?

[Jessica 33]

It's clear that you've accepted you are trans and if you are comfortable with that in yourself (as in, if everyone else accepted it too, you would transition without question) then you need to think about how you are going to handle the next step.

You've already identified that, it's how to introduce it to your family, if I have this right? Or whether to tell your family? It sounds as if your dysphoria is strong, so a question you might ask yourself is 'Can I cope with this if I delay/don't start transitioning?'

If the answer to that question is no, then the next one might be, 'Who is the person, or persons in my family who are most likely to understand me if I tell them first?' If that's your sisters, then one way of introducing the subject is something along the lines of 'Were you joking about me being a bridesmaid or not, because if you weren't...'

I suppose I'm at a crossroads. I've gotten this far do I suffer on or do I go for it.Even joining the forum has helped me as just a place to share thoughts and feelings . I wish I had been braver earlier in life it would have been easier

[TanyaG]

I suppose I'm at a crossroads. I've gotten this far do I suffer on or do I go for it.Even joining the forum has helped me as just a place to share thoughts and feelings . I wish I had been braver earlier in life it would have been easier

Sometimes, hard though it may seem, it's better to take a little time to focus on how important things are to you when you're faced with a choice like you are. Don't regret the decisions you took when you were younger because you took them knowing what you knew then and now is a different time.

So perhaps it's worth setting up some mental scales and working out the weight of what's on each side?

So, for example, you could use the regret you feel about not having made a decision earlier to work out the weight of what's pushing your dysphoria. What exactly is it you regret not doing and what problems do you think having made it differently would it have solved?

Lots of hugs, BTW.

[Jessica 33]

Sometimes, hard though it may seem, it's better to take a little time to focus on how important things are to you when you're faced with a choice like you are. Don't regret the decisions you took when you were younger because you took them knowing what you knew then and now is a different time.

So perhaps it's worth setting up some mental scales and working out the weight of what's on each side?

So, for example, you could use the regret you feel about not having made a decision earlier to work out the weight of what's pushing your dysphoria. What exactly is it you regret not doing and what problems do you think having made it differently would it have solved?

Lots of hugs, BTW.

Getting married and having kids. I don't regret that but it certainly makes any decision a lot harder now. I would hurt so many people  now where if I'd been single it would have been an easy decision.

[TanyaG]

Getting married and having kids. I don't regret that but it certainly makes any decision a lot harder now. I would hurt so many people  now where if I'd been single it would have been an easy decision.

Okay, so reframe that, you don't regret having kids. Let's just say they accept you being trans, in which case being trans won't hurt them, will it? It's worth stepping through this.

[D'Amalie]

Children are resilient.  Older children may take a bit of effort to come on board, but kindness will win them over.  Younger kids will just be accepting no questions ask, as long as you act normally.

[Bobbisocksgrl70]

I agree with Allie Jayne.

In my younger years, I was just too busy. I joined the Army right after my 18th birthday and served almost 15 years. I got married, had kids, got divorced, remarried, and was focused on raising a family. I got injured and went on total disability, my wife got sick and passed away, and I was struggling to make ends meet. I married a third time, started some small businesses for income, and continued to be busy. It wasn't until I divorced wife #3 that I decided to move to South Dakota. I decided that I would no longer have to worry about jobs or family or what anyone else expected of me. I was going to do what I wanted to do.

Since my hectic life had finally calmed down, I was able to focus on taking care of myself. I got into therapy to try to understand why my life followed the path that it did. It was in therapy that I learned that I was transgender. Combining that with other discoveries (I am an asexual introvert) really helped me understand why things happened the way that they did. Being retired gave me the time to invest in examining myself that I never had before.

As we get older, we have more time for reflection and examination, so it makes sense that we would make these discoveries later in life.

Lori Dee, you have transitioned very  well (In my best Billy Crystal) you look marvelous.

[TanyaG]

As we get older, we have more time for reflection and examination, so it makes sense that we would make these discoveries later in life.

Maybe sometimes we make ourselves too busy so we can avoid considering the things we know we should?

I've worked with other trans people and have been consistently impressed how many suspected they were trans aged around 4-7 but suppressed it until the accumulating weight of contradictions had left a trail of devastation. Which in many cases was upwards of twenty years and frequently included multiple failed relationships. The awful thing is that because of my own experience I completely get why it so often plays out that way, it's too much to contemplate when you're younger.

And when we were younger, there was zip info about transgender available. How is anyone to realise they are something if they can't find out what that something is?

[AdrianeAlready]

Okay, I'm relatively new to admitting and accepting that I'm actually trans and want to transition from my birth gender to female so my response won't be nearly as in depth or as well thought out as many of you. Warning, I will ramble so I apologize in advance.

That being said I know why I have made the decision and what lead me here. I never had severe childhood trauma or feelings of being in the wrong body as a child. I didn't hang out with girls or have female friends growing up. While I was a nerd and outcast and didn't embrace the macho swagger of many young boys I did pursue many typically masculine activities. I was fascinated by women's apparel yes, but I chalked that up more to curiosity and a love of what I deemed beautiful more than anything.

I knew I wasn't gay (While I'm not sure to this day it's possible I'm kinda bi? I think I'm a 2 on the Kinsey scale of that's even used anymore).

To be fair I hadn't even heard of Trans until the last decade or so. Yes I grew up in the 80's and knew of transsexuals but didn't understand the motivation because I never looked into it and no one ever spoke about it except with scorn or pity. I was pretty live and let live about the whole thing but the general attitude definitely coloured mine back then. The internet wasn't really a thing and resources were slim.

Sometime in my 30's I realized that when seeing an attractive woman I would start to think "Man, I wish I looked like that" followed quickly by "it's impossible to change my chromosomes and actually be a true woman so why bother wishing for it"?

Once the term "trans" came on my radar I felt it was a mental issue because you can't actually change and "pretending" had to be a form of mental illness, right? I know that's pretty common but still feel bad about it now in retrospect. At least I never commented publicly or discussed this with anyone else so I didn't actually hurt someone directly as far as I know.

The last few years I've researched the topic and came to understand it more as well as some folks motivation to transition.

As Zoey's post pointed out I also had that feeling of my time running out. I thought "well, I've lived 47 years as a man but at least half of that I've secretly wished I was a woman. If I transition and die at 60 at least I'll have had a good 10 years actually feeling happy and pretty and being the person I wished I was".

So I find myself divorced, a child reaching the age where they can understand the topic and the desire to actually try and live a happy life for myself.

It's scary and the road looks long but I'm willing to walk it. After all, I might not have all that long so why not try and be happy with myself for a change?

TLDR; Culture as a child made Trans ultra-taboo and information was severely lacking coupled with the fear of time running out detailed in Zoey's post above motivated my revelation at 47.

~Adriane 

[Jaymie]

Like TanyaG states, I too have memories as a child that indicated to transgender.  As young child finding access to my mothers high heel shoes, looking with awe at her bras, to fifth grade when she and my older sister dressed me as a girl for Halloween in one of my sister's dresses, including makeup, to wishing every thunderstorm at night I would be high by lightning and be changed into a girl.  In my early 20s, I almost went trans, but fell in love with a girl and put it aside, but never forgot it.  I didn't hide it from her either, so she incorporated what she could into our lovemaking.  Unfortunately, she has passed, and now my feminine side is coming through full force so I have started HRT. 

[Sarah B ✅]

Hello Jaymie

My name is Sarah and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

It takes courage to share memories that span from childhood high heels and Halloween dresses to the recent decision to begin HRT.  Your journey shows consistency of feeling and honesty with those you loved.  Losing your partner was a deep loss yet you now honour her support by allowing your feminine side to flourish.

Here you will find people who understand secret childhood wishes, the excitement of first clothes and makeup, and the mixed emotions that come with starting hormones.  Feel free to ask questions about physical changes, emotions, or practical matters.  Many members have walked similar paths and are ready to listen.

Celebrate each small victory, cherish the memories of your partner who embraced your true self, and remember that you deserve happiness and authenticity.  We are glad you are here.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the Introductions Forum, of course.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.

Please review the links at the end of this message, especially the red links, they include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features.  When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
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[TanyaG]

So I find myself divorced, a child reaching the age where they can understand the topic and the desire to actually try and live a happy life for myself. It's scary and the road looks long but I'm willing to walk it. After all, I might not have all that long so why not try and be happy with myself for a change?

A lot of us travel the same journey as you have Adriane, following a track parallel to the one we might have chosen had our circumstances been different. One of the things I believe very important is to accept that being scared to change tracks is rational, and to have thought through those fears (perhaps with the help of therapy) enough to be happy with the compromises inherent in making the change.

Quite a few of us reach the sort of age you and I are at feeling pressured to make a decision. My experience leads me to believe that it's worth spending some time getting used to the idea of accepting being trans and exploring the possibilities and realities of that (in terms, for example of acceptance by friends and family etc and divining how binary we really are) before moving further into GAMC. There's a lot of comfort in taking a decision when you know you've charted the territory ahead, in other words.

[TanyaG]

Like TanyaG states, I too have memories as a child that indicated to transgender.  As young child finding access to my mothers high heel shoes, looking with awe at her bras, to fifth grade when she and my older sister dressed me as a girl for Halloween in one of my sister's dresses, including makeup, to wishing every thunderstorm at night I would be high by lightning and be changed into a girl.

Welcome Jaymie and wow, you don't get a much clearer history of childhood gender id than that! Again, it's amazing how life can prove so diverting, but I'm convinced it's best to take time to think around being trans and to understand it before doing anything that can't be changed. Which is what you've done, so it sounds like the path you've travelled was the right one for you, however convoluted it may have been!

[CosmicJoke]

Hi all.
I have a question to ask you all. More of a pondering, actually. It seems to me that a lot of us discovered ourselves in our fifties and sixties. I did at the tender age of 62. That seems to me to be a pattern. I'm just curious if anyone has an idea as to why we would wait until this age to make such a huge discovery. Any thoughts?

I transitioned at 18. I guess I'm in the "early pile." I imagine it would be more difficult later in life especially if you can't pass.

I think the idea of it isn't passing but just authenticity. If you've lived a lie for so long I imagine there's something freeing about transitioning.

 

[ChrissyRyan]

If I would have transitioned earlier I think that the hormones may have been more effective.
Perhaps I would have had that hourglass figure.

But at least I can be living as a woman now.  Sometimes I wonder if with transitioning I have been doing the right thing.  It seems right.  I have some doubts at times, especially after some situations occurred that have made me wonder if this is all for the best or not.

In the meantime, it is nice to be going to work as me, that is for sure.  I hope this work situation lasts.

Chrissy

[Petunia]

Why now? That is the question my wife recently asked me.

I'm probably repeating so I'll TRY and be brief.

I started at about 4. I really got into crossdressing at 10 or 11 and it continued all through my teens.

When I started work at 17 I then had money and it took off.  Always in private ending in disgust.

I got married in my mid 20s and came out to my wife. She accepted my "kink" and sometimes participated in it at home. 

I was too embarrassed to relax and enjoy it.

In my 40s I became really embarrassed in myself so I buried it.

Then at 57 I had a life changing accident. This led to open heart surgery and eventual inability to work.

And it all came screaming back... but different.
The fetish side has deminished and I want to dress all the time.

I want to go out in womens versions of clothes.

And then I read the Gender Dysphoria Bible and realised not all boys and men think about being women, try and find information about estrogen and dream of being a woman.
My thoughts were/are, holy ->-bleeped-<-.

In my early teens I was doing that. I knew about trans women, I knew about hormone effects on the body, I knew there were amab women shows.

I couldn't get enough information about it but I thought I had this kinky side that liked playing dress up.

Now I don't know where I sit but I've got a fair idea

[Stottie Girl]

Starting about 4 isn't a kink Petunia. You were too young to know anything about kinks or sex then.

I'm 50 and I know we're in different countries but there wasn't any information out there on being transgender like there is today. No internet, only libraries, magazines and word of mouth for information. I think that could be a factor why there are so many older people coming to this realisation later in life.

I dressed from the earliest years, firstly at my mothers indulgence around 2-4 and later I used to steal her clothes as I wanted to continue as it felt so right. I looked at other girls and couldn't understand why my mum was dressing me as a boy. I wanted to have girls toys more than my boys toys.

As soon as I got a job I started ordering from catalogues and built my own stash, which was discovered and trashed out of shame. This happened twice. The third time I moved out of home. Have I ever been dressed for sexual reasons? Yes, as soon as I discovered vibrators I did! ha ha! I didn't like touching what I had down there so doing it this way felt so much better. We still have urges same as any woman after all. That doesn't make it a kink. I dressed mainly to see myself in the mirror and feel happy. I sit to pee because I don't like touching it if I can avoid it.

The first real awareness I had that being transgender was a thing was when I was walking down a back street as a teenager in my home city and I saw this shop with a load of manequin heads in the window with wigs on. The shop was called "Transformations" and it catered for transgender people. I know now it was a bit of a rip off store but it awakened me to the idea that being trans was a thing other people had too. I got their catalogue and started ordering more items to make myself look more feminine and it felt incredible. By the time the internet came out I knew fine well what I was. I do wonder if that store hadn't come to my town, how long it would have taken for me to realise what I was.

From your description I would say that, for you, this definitely goes deeper than just kinks or cross dressing but I would suggest speaking to a therapist before you do anything drastic.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Reading your post I see you refer to disgust and embarrassment a few times. This is the sad part and due to the societal construct and view of cross dressing, being transgender and also fetishism. I can't help but think this causes confusion in trying to determine the boundaries of what you're really feeling. It all feels like a dirty secret, and then that doesn't feel like something that can be true and just.

I feel that there can be very blurred lines between sexuality, expression and gender. Not for all but for some. I've had a tough time all my life separating kinks for certain materials and clothes from my daily expression of fashion and gender. But this itself I think can be part of the process. I think it's totally possible for all these things to interconnect and form our gender identity. After all our mind is a whole including sexuality and gender are huge parts of our identity. So in a way I don't think being transgender and having kinks for dressing need to be mutually exclusive.

One interesting experience I've had is that my kinks have seriously diminished since being on HRT. But the desires to be a woman are still very strong.

Charlotte 😻

[Stottie Girl]

Reading your post I see you refer to disgust and embarrassment a few times. This is the sad part and due to the societal construct and view of cross dressing, being transgender and also fetishism. I can't help but think this causes confusion in trying to determine the boundaries of what you're really feeling. It all feels like a dirty secret, and then that doesn't feel like something that can be true and just.

I feel that there can be very blurred lines between sexuality, expression and gender. Not for all but for some. I've had a tough time all my life separating kinks for certain materials and clothes from my daily expression of fashion and gender. But this itself I think can be part of the process. I think it's totally possible for all these things to interconnect and form our gender identity. After all our mind is a whole including sexuality and gender are huge parts of our identity. So in a way I don't think being transgender and having kinks for dressing need to be mutually exclusive.

One interesting experience I've had is that my kinks have seriously diminished since being on HRT. But the desires to be a woman are still very strong.

Charlotte 😻

Probably because kinks are most often linked to sexual drive and that is reduced by HRT. HRT diminishes that allowing clarity of thought and a self awareness of whats important to you. I guess if it removes the desire to be a woman then you probably weren't trans at all.

[Courtney G]

I still struggle mightily with shame and the feeling of being an impostor. But my T is pretty much gone and the thrill I get is pretty far beyond sexual; it's a confidence in myself and a sense of peace, mostly about my body. I realize everyone has different experiences but I always wanted a female body most of all. Secondarily, I always preferred being around/talking with women. I envied them. This was a double-edged sword because I was deeply attracted to them at the same time so I fell into the trap of thinking that my desire to feminize myself was borne of a "perverted" desire to possess their bodies.

[Dawn Kellie]

I understand that completely. I crossdressed off and on since my grade school days. I love women the looks they have and their flexibility in expressing themselves. I have always preferred to be around women. Im the oldest son and was expected to be the manly man. It never felt right. I never got into the whole sitting around with the boys and ogling the women. My first marriage I was made to feel lesser for liking woman's clothes. 
My wife now, is accepting to my crossdressing she let's me and only makes requests on not wearing something. Especially if it has to do with her work. My wife doesn't know I'm transgender. It's coming.
I haven't started HRT but I'm looking into it.
You are not a imposter nor am I we are what we are. I'm a woman I just was born with the wrong parts. We are just working on what was done to is incorrectly.