I need some advice

[lovemyman77]

Last night my husband of almost 5 years told me that he has been cross dressing for most of his life.  However, he has not done it for the last 4 years that we have been together. When we first got together he put on a negligee and I laughed when I saw him. I so regret that now.  I had no idea what to expect.  I am heart broken that this one incident has caused him 4 years of not being himself.  We had a long talk and he really explained to me what he has been doing and how it got started.  I really want to support him. I love him.  We have a great sex life and I do think this could add some spice to it.  But my biggest fear is that if I see him in women's lingerie I will think less of him as a man.  I don't know why.....  maybe it's just the way I was raised...very middle-class, white-bread, conservative.  I don't want to lose him!  How did other wives deal with this?  What did you do the first time?

[K8]

Welcome to Susan's, lovemyman77. 

There's a lot of good information and good people here.  Each of our stories is unique but we have a lot in common.  Settle in, pull up a keyboard, and explore.

Be sure to look under the Announcements heading.  There you will find the rules we live by in this little world of ours:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  

Look through the other stuff there, too.

As I was the cross-dressing husband, I don't know that I can give you any advice.  My wife and I had a very complex relationship, but she never wanted to have sex when I was Katherine.  For me, that was all right because it wasn't a sexual thing for me and any close partnership requires compromises on both sides. 

I hope the other SO's here can help you.  There are threads where others have dealt with this.  Cross-dressing is surprisingly common and is part of the normal diversity of life.

Good luck and happy exploring.

- Kate

[lovemyman77]

Kate, Thank you for responding.  I him a little while ago that I was researching this on line and that I had found this site. He was so happy.  He now knows that I am trying.  I just ask him to give me some time and I know we will work it out and I'll be ok with this.  I love him, and if this is something he enjoys doing then I will do whatever I can to help him help me to understand it.
Post Merge: March 28, 2010, 08:50:05 PM
I guess there's a preview for a reason! I can't type as fast as I think sometimes!!

I meant to say... I told him a little while ago...

[cynthialee]

Welcome to the group.
I am in a diferant position than you. I am transitioning MTF and my wife if a transitioning androgyne. So our issues are very very diferant from you and your husbands.
Seeing our mates as the oposite gender can be both exciting and scary at the same time. I know this pretty personaly, lol. It can open the door to the parts of our souls that are inadequatly explored.

A little spice in the bedroom never hurts so long as everyone is safe, sane and legal. Gender play is not as uncomon as many may think. It is a comon theme. Rarely harmful and mostly inocent fun.
I am happy to see that you are willing too work on your relationship.

[lovemyman77]

You know...what you said about a little spice in the bedroom...I so agree with that.  A few years ago we explored some bondage and I found out that I really enjoy it.  I guess you just never know what you like until you try it! 

Thank you for welcoming me.  Your situation may be different but it sounds like we're all in the same situation of having something that isn't considered 'normal' by mainstream america going on in our lives.  Gender roles are placed so harshly on us as children that it's hard to see anything other than what we're taught. My whole life my mother told me she wished I was more like my little sister...verrrry fem...but me, I'm a tomboy..I liked hanging out with my brothers and playing football. But I also know that I love to dress up and get all girley once in a while.  So if I can put on a pair of jeans and hang out with my guy friends then why can't my husband put on a garter belt, stockings and a negligee??
Post Merge: March 28, 2010, 10:14:53 PM
But I am glad that he only wants to do it in the bedroom.  We live very mainstream lives and I don't even want to think what our families would do!!  They are NOT as open minded as I am!!