Greetings from the land of Confusion!

[ErinWDK]

Hello All,

I have been lurking for some time and finally had a thread pop up where I had to put in my $0.02 worth.  I really do not know what to say about my gender, so I guess I fit in the "Questioning" category.  I do not know if I am MtF, a MtF wannabe, MtA, or a MtA wannabe.

Confusing?  Six decades of testosterone poisoning sort of does that to one.

Some time ago my GP prescribed Androgel.  This had a number of effects.  For one thing it put my Gynecomastia on fast track - that was OK with me.  For another it took all my assorted medical issues and made them WAY worse - that was NOT OK with me.  I couldn't walk a quarter mile without getting my heart rate so HIGH I was afraid of having a heart attack.  Then it set off GID so bad I finally figured out that GID had been my problem for years when I had no clue what was wrong.

So, now I am getting some therapy.  Hopefully I can get a handle on things.  Hopefully I can drop a lot of weight.  To get away with the weight loss I will need some E to not be driven off the deep end with the GID.

I understand there is a forest full of interesting and unique creatures between the binary genders.  I may well be one of the most unique...

Erin

[V M]

Hi Erin 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

[Jessica Merriman]

A big war welcome to the family Erin! What others call confusion we call normal operating procedure. *giggle* This is a very safe place to learn about yourself and find out you are not alone. Feel free to rant, vent, share good news, learn and meet new people. Our moderators do a very good job at protecting us and mostly keeping the peace here. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) to welcome you and make you feel at home!

[Jamie D]

Erin, I totally get the "T poisoning" thing.  I can not tell you how many of our TG MAABs have tried "manning up" with T shots, only to have it backfire.

It is never too late to become your authentic self!

[ErinWDK]

Thanks for all the greetings!

It is never too late to become your authentic self!

There is my problem in a nutshell.  I don't really know what or who my authentic self is.  For the last few years I have been trying to figure out what I want to do when I "grow up."  Those in my social circles who are more "seasoned" point out that growing up is not all it is cracked up to be.  Now that GID has reared its ugly head in full form I don't even know who I want to be.  The most appealing thing I find here is Androgyne - and I wonder if that would work to get E to keep me from totally going off the deep end.

[Gina Taylor]

Hi Erin 

Welcome to Susan's and welcome to our family! And welcome to a place where you can be true to yourself!

[ErinWDK]

Thanks for the greeting Gina!

Now all I need to do is figure out who/what my true self is...

[gennee]

Hi Erin and welcome to Susan's. I remember my questioning phase when I started out. You keep coming here and I'm sure that you will find where you fit.  

[Julia-Madrid]

Welcome Erin...  I think we almost all start in the "partly cloudy to confused, with occasional tear showers from time to time" when we start.   Hmmm, don't you envy genetic women - they start with oestrogen and it doesn't mess them up as it does to the rest of us! 

[meow8]

Hello All,

I have been lurking for some time and finally had a thread pop up where I had to put in my $0.02 worth.  I really do not know what to say about my gender, so I guess I fit in the "Questioning" category.  I do not know if I am MtF, a MtF wannabe, MtA, or a MtA wannabe.

Confusing?  Six decades of testosterone poisoning sort of does that to one.

Some time ago my GP prescribed Androgel.  This had a number of effects.  For one thing it put my Gynecomastia on fast track - that was OK with me.  For another it took all my assorted medical issues and made them WAY worse - that was NOT OK with me.  I couldn't walk a quarter mile without getting my heart rate so HIGH I was afraid of having a heart attack.  Then it set off GID so bad I finally figured out that GID had been my problem for years when I had no clue what was wrong.

So, now I am getting some therapy.  Hopefully I can get a handle on things.  Hopefully I can drop a lot of weight.  To get away with the weight loss I will need some E to not be driven off the deep end with the GID.

I understand there is a forest full of interesting and unique creatures between the binary genders.  I may well be one of the most unique...

Erin

Welcome Erin

While I haven't had the life experience that you have, I want you to know that I know what you are going through and that you most certainly are not alone. Confusion about who you really are can be very difficult to . I was in confused and in denial my whole puberty and the confusion didn't get away until conversations with my therapist, after that is was as if a burden was lifted from my shoulders. Talking about your confusion is good.

I'm sure you'll find the help and support  here to sort things out. 

[LordKAT]

Seems to me that the unicorn forest is alive and thriving. Welcome to Susan's.

[ErinWDK]

Seems to me that the unicorn forest is alive and thriving. Welcome to Susan's.

Thank you for the caring and supportive comment.

At my point in life I am so used to being slammed and put down from every quarter that finding someone who is supportive comes as a shock to the system.  A nice shock, but such a big change from what I am used to that I need to work to find how to respond in an appropriate manner.

Thanks!

[ErinWDK]

Thanks everyone else for the welcome and the support you have given.  This is all new to me.  I had buried this "different" side of me for a good quarter century, and buried it DEEP.  My late wife would not have tolerated even the mention of trans* so this stayed buried.  And now things have gone POP! and there is no easy way to put them back together.  It won't go back together the way it was...

[Jamie D]

Thanks for all the greetings!

There is my problem in a nutshell.  I don't really know what or who my authentic self is.  For the last few years I have been trying to figure out what I want to do when I "grow up."  Those in my social circles who are more "seasoned" point out that growing up is not all it is cracked up to be.  Now that GID has reared its ugly head in full form I don't even know who I want to be.  The most appealing thing I find here is Androgyne - and I wonder if that would work to get E to keep me from totally going off the deep end.

We have a member here, Ativan, who identifies on the non-binary spectrum.  They are male-assigned-at-birth, but has been instrumental in looking at the issues related to HRT for the MtA and FtA population.

For some of us who are MAAB, sometimes an anti-androgen quells the beast inside.  Sometimes, too, adding estrogen to the mix (even ultra low dose) is a therapy that can help relieve the GID and depression that often comes with it.