Help with my thoughts?

[MissBetty]

Hi everyone!

I just joined this forum and it seems like an awesome one! Now to my thoughts, which I bet you have heard a billion times before but I feel thar I need to write them down!

I am a 17 year old possible transgender girl (MtF). I recently began to think about my gender identity and my body. As long as I can remeber I was never a "normal" boy playing with the other boys and playing with cars etc... When I was about 4-5 years old in kindergarten I always played with the girls, because I couldn't understand the guys , in fact I still can't and prefer to socialize more with girls as I can relate to them much better and I kind of feel like I belong to the "girls' group". I just feel like I can express myself better when I am with girls and they can undestand me better. Another thing from kindergarten is that I always played that I was a pregnant women and I put a doll under my T-shirt and "gave birth to it" while my friends (mostly girls) were the doctors. I always felt like a mother in some way that I can't explain.

I don't really like that people refer to me as a boy either. I sometimes get comments like "look what a handsome young man you have become" but I don't really like that because I don't want to be a man, I don't feel masculine or tough or like a man at all. I feel feminine and sensitive. I often imagine my life as a girl and I find it much better to be a girl because then I don't have to worry about hiding my feminity and my real feelings. I have even put on my mom's summer dress and make-up and I felt so euphoric, like it was right.

I feel like I really would want to transition, but I don't know if I should, if it is going to be better. Is it even right or am I just a feminine guy or what? I don't know... Because I really want to live a life as a women and have SRS but I don't know if my feelings are "right or valid".

Sorry for making this post so long and maybe weird but it's in the middle of the night where I live... Please help me and give me some advice or inputs and thoughts because I really would need that!
Thanks/ MissBetty

[Murplethepurple]

I understand you completely MissBetty. Until just a couple days ago I was questioning whether I was just a cross-dresser or if I was transsexual. I am M/F 15 y/o and I know what you mean when people call you a handsome young man the feelings it can create. You want to be seen as your true self but people do not know who that true self is. What you have to do is ask yourself deep deep questions and see what you answer to them. From my personel experience I knew I was transsexual because I was crying late one night I would never know true happiness when my subconcouis "said" i wanted to be a girl. I was so happy and flet like I had ansewered my life-long question that I had always been asking myself. My one tip is look into the future 10 20 years and see what you want to be doing and if you are a man or woman. Remember it can take a long time to figure it out for yourself and you have to be patient. Good luck and hugs.

[Mariah]

Hi Miss Betty, welcome to Susan's. Sounds like a gender therapist would be the good next point to work on to help sort through where you stand. Some of us knew where we stood going in, but many do not so don't feel bad that you don't have that sorted out yet. You have plenty of time to do that. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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[MissBetty]

Thank you Murplethepurple for your tips, I try to imagine my future and I find the ide of having a girl's body at that point very appealing but I am just so scared to even mention it to my parents. They would probably not really support it I know, because I came out to them as gay about thref years ago and it didn't go so well...
On the other hand, I am afraid of being alone and "pushed out" of society, being discriminized, getting the looks and that stuff... Everything is just a BIG mess.

Thank you Mariah2014 for the welcoming and your thougts! I am thinking about contacting a youth center after the summer break to talk to a psychologist about my feelings, but I feel silly, I don't know why. I don't want people to see me as a freak because I am not!

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[Laura_7]

Here are a few thoughts that might help you:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,192499.msg1716659.html#msg1716659

and this resource might help, too:
hawaii.edu/hivandaids/Some_Considerations_in_Coming_Out_Trans_to_Your_Parents_and_Family.pdf

The website with the unicorns dad is very emotional...
and disregard the comments, some are not really helpful...
if you feel like it call or use the chat on one of the helplines given in the top link...
and you might look up transgender helplines in your country...

There are many transgender people... so you are one of many...
talking to a psychologist is a good idea...

just take the time you need, but keep at it...


*hugs*

[Murplethepurple]

MissBetty one of my biggest tips is make sure you are comfortable with yourself before telling any of your friends oryour family. If when you do decide to tell your parents make sure you have somebody you can stay with if your parents throw you out. If you decide to tell them after you leave the house make sure you are not finacially reliable from them because if they do not like your decision they might take away the money. You are not a freak you are a special person and your are different. Being who you are is what makes you special and if people can not see you that way then they are obvieosly living in the middle ages and not modern society. All of us on the furm will always be here for you no matter what so feel free to ask questions and if you need help you can pm me.

[suzifrommd]

I feel like I really would want to transition, but I don't know if I should, if it is going to be better. Is it even right or am I just a feminine guy or what? I don't know... Because I really want to live a life as a women and have SRS but I don't know if my feelings are "right or valid".

In what way would your feelings be wrong or invalid? You're the only one who gets to say how valid your feelings are. You have those feelings. Therefore, they are right and valid.

Please don't let anyone tell you that how you want to live your life is wrong.

[Murplethepurple]

I would completely encourage you to watch this Teens React video about Caitlyn Jenner. The end will make any trans person smile.

🔗

[MissBetty]

Thank you Laura_7 for the links, I will defenetly read them trough!!!

Murplethepurple, I appreciate your tips for coming out but I don't think that my parents would throw me out, however it is is wise to be cautios when and who you come out to. Thank you for the link too, I think I've already seen it but I will defenetly watch it again! 🙂

suzifrommd, well, I guess that everything came so fast and I suddenly just realised that I feel like a woman. When I look in the mirror I can almost see the woman inside me. But you are right, it's my decision and I should be deciding who I am, thank you!

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[Murplethepurple]

Your welcome.