Getting misgendered... caught on video!

[sparrow]

I show up around 52:40

http://www.sfu.ca/video-library/video/1632/view.html 🔗

So... I met the guy before the ceremony.  I could have had an awkward conversation out in a hallway crowded with fellow graduands and slowed down the whole process by taking the time to talk to him about the singular them/they.  I didn't really feel like having the conversation, so that's the result we got.  "He, uh, she" is close enough, I guess... and that ambivalence qualifies as "nonbinary privilege" in my mind... but fer crap's sake, what if they did that to a transwoman or transman?

[sparrow]

I wrote to the guy, and he said that he's going to change the script to them/they for everybody!  I'm curious to see if that actually happens / how it plays out.  Makes me wonder if I'm their first nonbinary PhD graduate, though.

[autumn08]

I know this isn't the subject of your thread, but congratulations, Kelly!

[Seshatneferw]

but fer crap's sake, what if they did that to a transwoman or transman?

To the audience it sounded like a simple mistake, a leftover from the bloke who was in the queue just before you. But yes, it would have spoiled something that's supposed to be one of life's high moments.

Congrats for graduating to a gender-neutral honorific!
(Maths, eh? Mine's in linguistics, with some data mining thrown in for good measure.)

[sparrow]

I know this isn't the subject of your thread, but congratulations, Kelly!

Nah, this post is rather loaded with unstated reasons.  Partly to announce my graduation, partly to share pride that my visible reaction was a wry smile -- I find "he, she" to be somewhat affirming if rude.

Also, this means that I'm out, and quite publicly so... my mom's finally put a femme picture of me up on facebook!  She still hasn't used my name on fb yet, but it looks like I should send that letter to people now.  She still has trouble looking at me, and literally shied away from me giving her a hug in front of a co-worker... she's got some stuff to work through yet.

[AnonyMs]

I listened so some of the rest of it and he was making mistakes everywhere.

I'm curious, what what follows on from a mathematics PhD?

[sparrow]

I'm working for an awesome company designing quantum computers... and I came out at work a month ago yesterday!  Before I found this company, I'd been planning on the "professor" life, which was probably going to end in sadness.

[AnonyMs]

I have the distinct impression that in technology if you're good no one cares about anything else. Congrats.

[sparrow]

On one hand, technical folks don't care what you are.  On the other hand, they're distinctly uncomfortable with femininity -- they're okay with women in the workplace, so long as they dress like men.  So... coming out as transgender went okay.  Wearing dresses at work is less okay.  I knew this would be coming, having heard stories from several women in math and physics.  But, I feel like I'm making space for femininity in tech.