Has anyone else ever had problems with not being able to cry?

[Just Me Here]

Hi everyone,
I was just wondering whether any others of you ever had difficulty crying. Like not crying in 8-10 years sort of difficulties, not to mean that you didn't want to, you wanted to do it more desperately than anything, anything to feel human again. But you just can't when you're ready to let it out, except for a tiny bit of wetness, less than a tear. Instead it tries to escape at really inconvenient times, when it just won't do to cry, so you push it down and away.
Did this happen to any of you too, and did it go away after a little while on E or anti-androgens?

[Amanda_Combs]

Oh God.  That is me.  That is what I do.  I've probably  complained out loud every day this month that I know what my feelings are; but I don't feel them.  If I felt it, I would cry so often.  But I just can't and it never goes away.  Unfortunately, I'm not on hrt.  So I'm also really interested to hear if people here have had hormones fix that for them.  But at the least, I relate because I am definitely experiencing the same thing.

[Daria67]

Not anymore. I didn't cry for 25 years. Now I cry everyday. a lot.

[Eevee]

I have this problem to a degree. I have massive depression problems. A lot of people assume this means I am sad all the time, but depression usually manifests as a lack of feeling in me. I go long periods of time without being able to cry. On the flip side, depression is often coupled with anxiety. That rears its ugly head sometimes in a way that I can't handle troubling situations and I can't stop crying for days. That's rare for me, but certainly more common after HRT. I prefer the crying to the months without a single teardrop.

[Jacqueline]

As a young boy my father got sick of my crying. I was encouraged to find a way to not cry. Boys don't cry. So, for probably 40-45 years I just stopped. He wasn't a mean man, just a different time and expectation.

Since starting therapy about a year and a half ago, I have reconnected with that capability.

Hope you can get there too.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Michelle_P]

Yes, not crying was a thing for decades.  I didn't really cry at all until I had my big breakdown last March, when I came out to my wife, and a week later when I came out to my first therapist.   I did cry a few times after that at points of great stress or difficulty, but it was starting HRT that really turned on the waterworks, starting about 10 days into low dosage estrogen.

Now it's a matter of trying to get a little control back.  I'm pretty sure crying over how good a salad tastes is considered out of bounds.

[Just Me Here]

I'm pretty sure crying over how good a salad tastes is considered out of bounds.

Depends on what the salad is like. I mean, if it had like mango and maybe some chopped almonds in it, that might be worth a good sob.

[Anne Blake]

For most of my life I couldn't cry. I began coming out 16 months ago and I allowed more emotions out but it was still difficult to let it flow. It took something like The Danish Girl" movie to let it loose. I started hrt a month and a half ago and that did the trick. Now about anything sets me off, either joy or sorrow. It can be a bit embarrassing at times, my emotions have been run ragged. My wife is humored by it all and I love every minute of it. It felt great to get past all of the blockage my old life required. We are going out with some friends for Italian and Jazz tonight and I will have to pack a lot of Kleenex to get through the night. And it will feel good!

[big kim]

I'd become hardened and never cried for almost 30 years.

[Deborah]

I have cried twice since I was around 10.  Once was when my father died.  The other time was when my dog died.

That sounds pretty horrible when I write it.  But everyone in my family, wife and kids included, cried when that dog died.

[V]

I had completely the opposite experience. I've always been 'weepy', used to cry a lot as a guy, and still do now. I don't think hrt changed that, it's just that it feels more acceptable to cry post-transition, I guess.

[HappyMoni]

I never was able to cry before HRT. I just couldn't seem to manage it. I have this silly picture in my head of sitting there trying to force myself to do it. No go!
HRT has not had the physical effects that I had hoped for, but mentally, I have seen an immense change. I cry fairly often now. I now know why they talk about emotion coming from the heart. When the emotions come, it seems like that's where it starts and then goes right up into my throat. The emotion is so vivid compared to what they used to feel like. The only downside for me is that my face hurts after crying a lot.
Moni

[Rachel_Christina]

A good question, I too had stopped crying at an early age, wouldn't matter how bad I hurt myself I wouldn't cry! Harsh Father done that. Now though since I havd accepted myself I cry now from sad things or happy things, it really is nice, I laugh more and harder. This happened simply from accepting myself, I'm only just under a month on hormones and have felt no mental changes yet. So for me it wasn't hormones that brought me back

[KimSails]

I cried a lot pre-HRT.  I cry a lot more post-HRT. 

[Asche]

Some 50+ years ago, I learned the hard way not to cry.  Inside and outside the family, if I cried, it didn't matter when or why, I got ridiculed or worse.  Actually, that was pretty much true for any feelings.

I've felt the lack for a long time; it feels like essential parts of my soul got amputated.  I'd hoped that once I went on estrogen, I would be able to again, but it hasn't had much effect on my emotions.  Sometimes I can get a sob or two, or a few tears, but it shuts down again right away.

I think it has to do with safety.  Growing up, there was no one around who wasn't crushing me emotionally on a regular basis.  I have never felt safe enough with anyone to reveal what makes me most vulnerable.  (See my post on C-PTSD in the NB forum.)  I also feel like I don't want to let go unless I have some hope that there's someone around who would pick up the pieces (as opposed to throwing them in my face or walking on them with hobnailed boots.

[BeverlyAnn]

I've always been pretty sensitive and would leak a few tears at happy/sad moments.  But in early 2005 when my mother began developing dementia, I became home caregiver for her and my next younger brother who was partially disabled.  To do that, I had to bury emotionally any gender dysphoria which meant basically all emotions.  When my brother died in 2013, I had so thoroughly buried my emotions, I honestly felt nothing.  When my mother died a few months later, again I felt nothing.  I also noticed during that time a total lack of affection for anyone, anything.  That broke loose at the end of October last year when I was sitting in the living room and suddenly started crying.  By December, a week before I saw my therapist, I had one meltdown where I was rolled up in a ball on the bed with a pillow over my head crying and screaming, "I'm sorry," over and over trying to apologize to Dee for what I knew was coming.  Therapy smoothed things out and I found myself more affectionate toward Dee which she's even commented on.  Granted I did have another meltdown when the first endo turned me down for HRT.  Now, having started HRT, everything has changed.  I start crying easily almost at the drop of a hat.  When Simone Manuel started crying during the National Anthem after she one the gold a couple of nights ago, I started crying right along with her.  The other night I was watching Forest Gump.  When Forest and Jenny meet in the Reflecting Pool, kissing and hugging, I got a lump in my throat and started crying.  So yes, for a while I couldn't cry and now it's the exact opposite.

[Midnightstar]

Yes after a couple bad experiences as a teenager i stopped expressing emotion along with crying it just didn't have a answer it just stopped. It did come back though over time when everything started to be let out and i expressed my feelings to close/understanding friends of mine although it took time. However i never seemed to express emotions again you can hear my emotions but you can't see them on my face. That won't happen though i don't know why it did with me i probably just never cared to go back to it who knows, i mean i could but i don't.

[Daria67]

I cried a lot pre-HRT.  I cry a lot more post-HRT.

I am afraid of that. If I cry much more I'll be just one big puddle!