So I haven't posted in a while due to my job and I think I need to give a little back story. I'll admit some of this I wrote yesterday before work in a depressed state for my blog and tried to clean it up a bit; I'm still kind of in one so please bare with me.
So where I work at we have been a bit short staffed ever since I arrived as a manager and it was just my boss and I handling things for approximately a year. over the course of time at work we got a new person to help us out with things and he's knowledgeable and has helped us out a bit. Didn't care for him at first but overtime he became a friend someone you could trust, we were kind of like brothers ( before I decided to transition). He was even helping me learn a few things and eventually became someone who I would go to for any questions I had on procedures. So for a while he was helpful in giving me the information to try and get a promotion. Overtime though he started to show more of his personality, berating not only the staff but myself. Given that I was following in his lead I would find myself getting swept into it and for a while people thought I was harassing them as well.
Well over the next few years I didn't score high enough several times despite doing everything I did which ranged from working OT, helping out whenever I can such as switching my schedule to help as much as possible. I would also learn as much as possible and taking on even impossible tasks along with finishing another manager's task once she came back from leave. Often my boss was also joining in on the harassment in a sense with him and for the most part I would just smile, joke and kind of laugh it off; but I think overtime it began to have an effect on me. To give you an example of some of the harassment that would be stated is "No wonder your wife doesn't want to spend time with you" or "No wonder your wife doesn't love you." Are just some of the things that I would hear quite a few times a week as well as being called stupid. Now mind you this is something I would hear quite a few days of the week, for months and now going on about three years worth of hearing this.
Most of the time I would just brush it off and go on about my day not give him any of my attention on the matters, but I think after a while it started to work it's way into my head and began to cause troubles in my relationship. Looking back I would say the majority of our discussions or fights were because certain words he said had wormed their way into my head and wasn't necessarily what she did but what I had heard and subconsciously was staring to see as true. Not only that but because of working all the OT and switching my schedule around I began to lose sight of what it was like to live outside of work. Several things that I once loved to do like gaming, martial arts or even being outside took a back seat due to the amount of time I spent there. Even now as I sit to try and play a game I just lose interest after a few minutes and just want lay on the couch and do nothing. I finally broke and told my wife yesterday about a text he had sent because I chose not to take OT ( and essentially lose some of my down time ) in which he of course replied how my wife doesn't want to spend time with me, all because I had asked a few questions. My wife and I had a bit of a discussion over text about this as she was at work at the time and finally thought it best for me to transfer to another store, start fresh almost. The fact that I keep getting scored low enough not to be promoted, how I'm always being used in a sense and not to mention the name calling as well. I think it was finally too much and I'm just starting to break at this point.
There are a few things I've missed but really don't feel like writing too much at this point. I guess I just wanted to vent a bit more about this and get it off my chest finally.