Is there a getting started retreat?

[Charlotte5]

Hi,

I am new to Susan's so if this has been asked before and I just did not see it, my apologies.

I am on the verge of a divorce for many reasons but let's just start with the idea that I am looking to start over. The city I live in now, I do so because I was trying to support my wife.  But as things are falling apart I look around and see I really have no friends here, only acquaintances.  So I am looking to start over, probably in a new city.

I have been a closet crossdresser pretty much all my life. At 63 years old, I really want to live the rest of my life honestly.  I have looked at several cities to relocate to, and when I do, I would like to do it where my femme / true side is what most people know and few of any know me in my biological gender.

But as I have only allowed myself to dress and live as me in private, I never allowed myself to truly learn the art of fully presenting female, or fussed about gestures.  I feel like I am missing those skills to fully live in the world as I want.

If I could ask for anything it would be this.  I would love a place where I could go, a camp or resort an check-in in my old male self and checkout Charlotte.  A week or two, a place where I could meet with a stylist so I am not just wearing a skirt or dress, but one that helps me establish my style an look good on me. And best of all walk out not only in a fabulous skirt and heels, but with bags packed full of my new full time wardrobe.

Where I could learn gestures that make me flow like a generic girl.  Learn all about makeup. Not just how to apply, YouTube can show me that, but how to create looks like generic women learn since they were 13.

In short, a transition starter bootcamp.  Then fly home to my new home as me.  A me that has the tools to go to the bank or grocery store, or shop for clothes on my own feeling much less of the sissy embarrassment.  I want to walk into the doctor and therapist an start transitioning for real.  All I know is I am not happy in this role, never really have been. But I need a real place to start. 

Does anybody know if such a place exists.  A place where I can drop off my maleness and get a solid start on the life i have abandon many times before because I never felt confident enough to live it.  I don't Expected to be girly over night. It will probably take several trips to this place. But doing this piecemeal has not worked for me.  I hope to find something more immersive.

Thank you

[ChrissyRyan]

There are conferences and gatherings.  Check with a local or regional transgender organization.

Also there is in Provincetown, MA a week long gathering.  See:  https://ptowntourism.com/events/transweek2026/ 🔗

There are transformation services but those are not camps.

I know of no such camp.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Hey Charlotte,

I'm Charlotte😻 too and I'm pleased to welcome you to Susan's Place!

Thank you for your post here. I'm  so sorry to hear of your divorce, but at the same time congratulate you on pursuing your truth now.

I don't know of such a place but it sounds amazing if it does exist.  We have a lot of experience here within our members, so if there is something they will most likely know. But if not, I'm sure we can all help you progress as fast as possible. But beware a lot of this has no shortcuts! I'm inpatient and get reminded regularly transition is a marathon not a sprint 🙂

We all love to get to know our members more! When you're ready please stop by our Introductions Forum and tell us a bit about yourself.

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@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee @Sarah B
@Charlotte5

[Lori Dee ✅]

Welcome to Susan's Place, Charlotte!

I think what you are describing would be a Mecca for our community, but I think that is unrealistic.

As you stated, young girls start learning at age 13 and continue learning their entire lives. For someone to pack years of training, experience, and behavior modification into a two-week course would be nearly impossible.

However, as Chrissy suggested, local LGBTQ support groups and organizations do hold meetings and events where member can share tips, tricks, and advice.

Transitioning is a lifelong journey. You might learn clothes, hairstyling, and makeup quickly, but walking, gestures, voice/speech patterns are ingrained into our brains and take much longer to unlearn. If you plan to start hormone therapy, the effects do not even start to become visible for at least six months after your levels are into the correct range.

Starting fresh in a new city, is a great idea. You can move to a temporary location to work on becoming you as much as possible, then move to a more permanent situation where you can be out and about. There are many cities where how you look and act just does not matter.

Definitely do your research, make a plan, and adjust as needed.

We are happy to have you here with us.

[Stottie Girl]

Hi Charlotte, Welcome to Susans place.

I'm Sarah, nice to meet you.

I can't help you regarding a transition bootcamp but they might exist.

Don't be too afraid of things, it might seem bewildering at first but you can get the hang of the basics pretty quickly. For example, I only started trying to do make up seriously since around February/March and I think I've got a couple of different looks nailed down now. If you can't find your bootcamp, look online at things like YouTube for tutorials (there are loads covering everything from makeup to dress style to deportment etc) and of course Susans has some fantasticly useful posts in it's archieves. If in doubt just raise a post and ask away. No question is too silly or basic. We all started from not knowing anything.

Anyway, good luck with the move!

Sarah xx

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Charlotte

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!  I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.

Lori has already made several good points and much of what she said reflects my own thoughts.

You are never too old to begin living more honestly.  What you want may feel daunting but it does not have to happen all at once.  Small steps can build confidence surprisingly quickly.

I have not come across a true transition boot camp of the kind you describe although conferences, gatherings, transformation services and local transgender groups may offer parts of that experience.  A professional makeup lesson, a good stylist and some carefully planned shopping could give you a strong start.

Try not to feel that you must learn how to become someone else.  Be yourself.  Observe women around your age, notice what they wear in everyday situations and adopt the styles or mannerisms that feel natural to you.  Less makeup often works better for daily life and the right hairstyle can make a big difference.

Building a wardrobe, becoming comfortable in public and gaining confidence all take time.  For some people it happens quickly while for others it takes years.  There is no failure in taking it slowly.

Before moving or making major changes, research the area carefully.  Look for supportive communities, doctors and therapists who understand gender identity and informed consent.  A good therapist may also help you separate what you need now from what can wait.

You do not need to arrive somewhere as one person and leave as a completely different one.  Your true self is already there.  The task is to build the confidence, knowledge and support needed to live more openly.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.  Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee @Charlotte Kitty
@Charlotte5

[ChrissyRyan]

Welcome Charlotte!



Chrissy

[tgirlamg]

Charlotte!

Welcome Aboard Sister!... There used to be a place with some of those services called Carla's Boutique in San Jose, CA but they closed many years ago... Evolving your feminine self takes time and interactions with others... some suggestions off the top of my head might be

Makeover tutorials online and in person at ULTA, Sephora etc... They are very friendly and happy to work with you in my experience

Local LGBT meetup groups might provide opportunities to meet friends to go out into the world with and share their tips, thoughts experiences etc

A gender therapist may be a great resource and have a lot of knowledge of local groups, services etc

Seattle Voice Lab on YouTube seems to have good vocal coaching


Interacting right here, reading others experiences in making all of this work and asking lots of questions will arm you with friends, support, encouragement, knowledge and perspectives not previously considered!... Many here come to build their new life after the half century mark... you are amongst friends!

May your journey forward be blessed sister!

Ashley 💕

[KristaFairchild]

Hi,

I am new to Susan's so if this has been asked before and I just did not see it, my apologies.

I am on the verge of a divorce for many reasons but let's just start with the idea that I am looking to start over. The city I live in now, I do so because I was trying to support my wife.  But as things are falling apart I look around and see I really have no friends here, only acquaintances.  So I am looking to start over, probably in a new city.

I have been a closet crossdresser pretty much all my life. At 63 years old, I really want to live the rest of my life honestly.  I have looked at several cities to relocate to, and when I do, I would like to do it where my femme / true side is what most people know and few of any know me in my biological gender.

But as I have only allowed myself to dress and live as me in private, I never allowed myself to truly learn the art of fully presenting female, or fussed about gestures.  I feel like I am missing those skills to fully live in the world as I want.

If I could ask for anything it would be this.  I would love a place where I could go, a camp or resort an check-in in my old male self and checkout Charlotte.  A week or two, a place where I could meet with a stylist so I am not just wearing a skirt or dress, but one that helps me establish my style an look good on me. And best of all walk out not only in a fabulous skirt and heels, but with bags packed full of my new full time wardrobe.

Where I could learn gestures that make me flow like a generic girl.  Learn all about makeup. Not just how to apply, YouTube can show me that, but how to create looks like generic women learn since they were 13.

In short, a transition starter bootcamp.  Then fly home to my new home as me.  A me that has the tools to go to the bank or grocery store, or shop for clothes on my own feeling much less of the sissy embarrassment.  I want to walk into the doctor and therapist an start transitioning for real.  All I know is I am not happy in this role, never really have been. But I need a real place to start. 

Does anybody know if such a place exists.  A place where I can drop off my maleness and get a solid start on the life i have abandon many times before because I never felt confident enough to live it.  I don't Expected to be girly over night. It will probably take several trips to this place. But doing this piecemeal has not worked for me.  I hope to find something more immersive.

Thank you

I LOVE this idea! Gathering in a safe space with people who not only understand us, but help us. If it doesn't exist it should! 

I too wanted someone to guide me. My approach may not have been conventional, but it helped. 
1. I went through the 40 Steps on PinkFemme. They felt a little sexual at times but gave me a framework. 
2. I went to trans meetings and got going in here. Real people helped me see things more clearly. 
3. I literally learned ways to dress and do makeup from AI. I told my story. Shared photos. Got advice and sometimes links to videos. Since I didn't have a boot camp or trans coach, AI took in that role. I enjoyed it. It was pretty good at. I'd choose an outfit or makeup, share a photo, and have a little dress up session with gentle supportive feedback. 

[coral]

I did a search for a place that does transgender makeup.  I was lucky and found a very talented and likable Esthetician.  After an initial consultation, she did my makeup.  When it matched my expectations, she went with me to a local beauty supply store to purchase the items I would need.  Then in another session, she videoed her applying my makeup as a tutorial for me to do my own.  Next, we ordered several wigs online to find a hair style.  This took several tries, but the rejected wigs were sent back for credit. This was followed up with full face waxing, something that needs to be repeated depending on how fast your beard grows.  Then facials, and other feminizing treatments.  This took a few months, and was a bit expensive, but it has produced fantastic results.

Also, you must be totally open with your doctors and their staff.  My father taught me that the medical providers cannot help you unless you help them.  With my doctor's encouragement I began going to appointments partially dressed feminine. They even began calling me Coral rather than my dead name.

After an appointment, while still fully dressed, I stopped at several other businesses, even to the grocery store.  You know what, no one cared or even said a word!   I am now fully living as a woman, and it is going great.  So, start with a few feminine articles, then slowly increase the look.  It has been about 6 months since I first went out dressed, but now it is just normal.

One more suggestion, don't start too feminine.  I started wearing denim skirts.  Really just a small change from male jeans.  Also, get involved with some local PRIDE events. You can meet some great people.  Just for info, I will be 79 years old next month.  So, I did not start young!

Have fun with it!  I am!

Coral