Hi All

Old New CD · Hi All

I'm a 57 y.o. that has always had CD tendencies. In the last few months I have taken things further. I'm married to a loving wife, that I love very much and have not come out to her completely yet. Earlier this year my daughters and I had a daddy / daughters day, both are adults. They wanted to get mani, pedis. I let them "convince" me to get my toes done, something I've always wanted to do. They picked a bright sparkly blue. Since then I have kept them painted, as of today they are bright red and sparkly. Living in Florida I wear flip flops frequently my colored toes are always on display. I have changed all my underwear to lace trimmed boy shorts from MeUndies. Non of this was done secretly from my wife.
My first time out was at Wapred Tour in November, I was in a full outfit from Torrid. All the way to painted fingers and toes. Again this was with my wife.
Now I have slowly been getting a wardrobe and accoutrements. Shoes, bralette, moisture cream, eye cream and a lot of jewelry. I have one glaring issue that is holding me from going much further. I have a goatee and mustache. I've had it so long I don't know if I can shave. Or, am I using it as a crutch?
I'm interested in any advice.

Lori Dee · Reply #1 - Re: Hi All

Hello Old New CD,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

Thank you for that wonderful introduction.

We strive to make this a safe space for you to find information and share your thoughts and comments. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

To shave or not to shave, that is the question. When I left the Army in 1990, I refused to shave ever again. I wore a full beard until I started transition. In discussing this with my psychologist, he suggested that I may be using it as camouflage. It was a way to blend in and appear "normal", deflecting any accusations of not being the manly man. I explain all of that in my story (linked below).

You may be doing something similar unintentionally. It is equally possible that you like how your face looks that way, and it does not trigger any dysphoria. The key is whether or not you like the look. There is no right or wrong way to just be yourself and express your gender as you see fit. What you should not do is chase some imaginary image of what a woman should look like. Don't adapt your style to something idealistic, or you may find that you never achieve it. Stay realistic in your goals, and you have a much better outcome.

You might find some answers and other perspectives in our Cross Dressing Forum:
https://www.susans.org/index.php?board=23.0

Or maybe some insight from the Drag Forum:
https://www.susans.org/index.php?board=536.0

This site is huge with a ton of information from real people around the world sharing their real-life experiences. Feel free to browse, comment, and share your experiences too. We all learn from each other.

When you click on the HOME button, you will see a page listing all of the various sub-forums by category and topic. Each sub-forum has a description of what that forum is about, as well as any guidelines for posting.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.
Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

I will add links below that are important for new and returning members.
Pay special attention to the links in RED.

If you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at LoriDee605@outlook.com.

Once again, welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee
Forum Staff

Things that you should read

@Old New CD
@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Sarah B · Reply #2 - Re: Hi All

Hi Old New CD

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.

Thank you for sharing this. It reads as thoughtful, honest and full of care for the people you love. That already says a lot about you.

Your story about your daughters and your wife really stood out. Those moments where you are gently trying things in the open, without secrecy, matter. Keep holding onto that openness and keep communicating with your wife. Slow, steady and respectful conversation builds trust far more than any single decision about clothes or grooming.

On the facial hair question, I remember reading an article years ago that described how some of us create a kind of shield so others do not guess who we truly are. For me, one of those shields was a moustache. I wore it to deflect attention. Eventually, just before I changed my life around, I removed it and started waxing my face. That step felt very comfortable without thinking about it and it was needed so that I could live my life as me.

I never liked shaving and often wished I did not have to shave at all. Waxing turned out to be the best solution for me, especially for my legs after I changed my life around. My arms did have hair but I noticed plenty of women with darker or heavier arm hair so I stopped worrying about them. Later on, hormones took care of most of that anyway and now you would need a magnifying glass to see anything.

If you truly do not want to shave your beard or goatee, remember that there are women with a medical condition called hirsutism. Facial hair does not erase who someone is. That said, goatees can make things harder if your real goal is to really pass and be read consistently as female. Only you can decide how important that is to you right now.

I agree with what Lori said and as I have said over many posts, "just be yourself". There is no single right timeline or checklist. You are already doing something important by listening to yourself, respecting your marriage and moving forward honestly. Whatever you decide about your facial hair, make it a choice that feels right for you rather than something driven by fear or others.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads. I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn @Jessica_Rose @Mariah @Northern Star Girl @Lori Dee
@Old New CD

Susan · Reply #3 - Re: Hi All

Hi, and welcome to Susan's Place!

What strikes me most is how openly you've been moving through this—your wife beside you at Warped Tour, your daughters picking that first polish color, painted toes on display in Florida flip flops. You're not hiding. That matters more than you may realize.

The progression you're describing—painted toes to lace underwear to full outfits to skincare to jewelry—is familiar to many here. Small permissions granted, each one making the next feel possible. That's not alarming; that's just how self-discovery often works when you've been patient with yourself for 57 years.

About the goatee: you asked if you're using it as a crutch. That's the kind of question people ask when they already suspect the answer. But here's the thing—you don't have to decide permanently. Hair grows back. You could try a clean shave once, see how it feels, and let the goatee return in a few weeks if you miss it. Some folks here blend feminine expression with facial hair; others find the beard was armor they were ready to set down. There's no wrong answer, only yours. Exploration doesn't require forcing yourself past a line before you're ready.

You also don't need a neat label to be here. Many members arrive as "crossdresser," "questioning," or just "not sure," and find clarity comes with time rather than pressure.

Take your time. Read around. You'll find good company.
— Susan💜

Hi All

Old New CD

Lori Dee ✅

Sarah B ✅

Susan ✅