going out

[Anastasia]

Hello everybody.


   I have a situation that at first looks good, but it has me puzzled/concerned. I have been crossdressing (or wanting to) since my early teens. My wife of 13 years has known for about 6 years. She accepts it, but not well. A few days ago, she told me she wants to go with Anastasia (that's me! 😀) to Chatanooga for an overnight trip. She wants to take Anna out to dinner and then sleep with her that night. The next day, she wants to take her to the Tennessee Aquarium. She said she is looking at this as a date. My first problem is-Why now? Is she really warming up to this part of me or am I going to be her "freak show"? She hasn't changed in regards to her attitude at home, yet. She is wanting to go in October. I have seen a lot of good advice on this board, I hope ya'll can help me. By the way, I don't think I pass very well.
   My second problem is about safety. I know ignorant, violent people can be anywhere, so that is always an issue. Are we likely to have problems at a nice restaurant or the Aqurium? Are there legal issues involved? I definately don't want to be attacked or arrested! 😮
    My third question, and maybe this should be its own topic. Obviously, I want to look nice, so that means I need some new clothes. In the past, I have shopped for womens clothes in fully in male clothes. which means I changed out of my womens jeans and tops that I usually wear (not very feminine tops, more neutral to slightly feminine) and no make-up. I haven't actually tried on the clothes, so there have been a lot of returns for misfits in size and style. What I want to do is go to a store (JCPenny most likely) in my usual low key womens clothes, light make-up, and actually try on the clothes before I buy. Am I likely to get good help, or will I just be tolerated and checked out ASAP. I know my money is as good as any ones, and they are there to make money, but what will I really run into?
    In all honesty, I doubt that this trip will actually happen. I suspect her desire to do this will fade, especially since our big date is so far out, but I want to be ready!

    Thank-you everybody for makeing this such a great site. I have been lurking here for a while and have learned a lot!
Love Anastasia

I just looked at this in the preview...sorry it's so long!

[Jillieann Rose]

Hi Anastasia,
Maybe your wife wants to get to know Anna. That could be her way of trying to accept your female side.
I don't think the date would be dangerous unless you plan on being out in the streets in the very early hours.

As far as legal the only issue you might have is using a women's bathroom. I don't know what the laws are like in Tennessee. If you use a family restroom you shouldn't have any problems.

As for cloths how about asking your wife to help you pick out a wardrobe for the trip. She could also help you with some makeup and hair tips.

Just some ideas I had while reading your posting.
🙂
Jillieann

[gina_taylor]

Hi Anastasia,

I agree 100% with Jillieann. I think that you should go out with your wife and allow her to get to know your feminine side. It may be her way of getting to accept your feminine side better. These oportunities you don't let slip by. Like Jillieann said, there can't be anything dangerous out of it, and it will give you the oportunity to get some new clothes!  🙂 If you're passable enough, you shouldn't have any problems with using the women's washroom either. But just be careful.

Gina  🙂

[vicki f]

Hey Anastasia,
     The suggestion of an overnight trip, besides sounding heavenly, just wouldn't make sense unless your wife was thawing at least a little.  One thing that occured to me is that perhaps she's nervous at home because she fears discovery and what people might say--remember, you've been thinking about it for years and are probably more accustomed to the psychological stress--and an out-of-town excursion might be her way of working through things in a safer environment.  Have fun!

[Robyn]

What to wear?  Whatever your wife is wearing.  If she's wearing slacks, you don't want to be wearing a micro-mini.  If she brings shorts (hot in TN), you bring shorts.  If she packs a skirt and blouse, you do the same.

You'll feel more comfortable, and so will she if you are dressed similarly.

Have fun.

Robyn

[Deniseann]

Anastasia -

I agree with the others that this is an opportunity you can't pass up.  I think it is wonderful that your wife is willing.

I have only started doing what you are doing.

I just spent four days as Denise with my wife.  We went shopping and out to dinner in restaurants on three separate evenings.  I never had one negative comment or awkward situation.  When I shop alone, I tend to go in the early morning when the store first opens and isn't busy.  When I have gone to a salon, I was upfront and they were cool with everything.

I have a bit of a mantra that works to help build confidence before I go out

Most people won't even notice.  Those who do notice, probably won't care.  Those who do care, probably won't say anything.  Those who do say something, give me an opportunity to educate.

It works for me.

I wish you luck and I would love to hear how the date goes!

Hugs

Denise

[jennyclassgal]

Anatasia - you are so lucky that your wife would consider going out with you enfemme. I can only envy you and others with accepting SOs. Unfortunately my wife does not know of my inclinations and is extremely intolerant of "men dressing as women" I love my wife dearly and she is a wonderful mother to our children, so my dressing is all in the closet, normally when I travel on business, which is becoming infrequent. Needless to say I yearn to get in my heels and get out more often than I am able.

In terms of safety and passing, I have many of the same concerns you have, but the more I do get out the easier it becomes. One thing I have noticed is that when I shop, either enfemme, or in drab, many sales ladies embrace the idea and go out of their way to help. I had one experience recently where I went in to buy a jacket, and at first I had it put away till near closing. When I went to pick it up, I just thought what the heck, and asked if I could try it on. One of  the salesgirls, a young girl probably about 18, look a bit disturbed. The other lady in the store, in her 40s, gave me a gorgeous smile, said of course,and took me to a change room, and asked if there was anything else she could bring.  It was easy to tell she was genuinely interested in helping. So there are people out there who do accept and help; I just pray that acceptance continues to grow.

Good luck hon, stand tall, look straight ahead and step confidently.   

Go with it hon,

Hugs, Jen