It has come back!

[Megan]

I thought I wasn't transgendered anymore, but then it came back like within the past few days. I was okay thinking I could be just a guy, but now I want to be woman again. Then I want to be a guy (but not traditional guy)....... then a woman. I am confuse again.

Has this happen to anyone??

[Janet_Girl]

It use to happen all the time.  I tried everything to make it go away, but it just would not leave me allow.  Then I discovered something that made it stop.  It is called transition.  Now if the doubts raise up, I look at all I have accomplished and it goes away.

You will find that inner peace once you accept you for you.


Janet

[Ms.Behavin]

Ha.. What Janet said....Sounds normal to me too.  i was in denile for a long time, or more likely scared to come out.  It happens. 

Beni

[findingreason]

First....welcome to Susan's, you have come to the right place .

Your situation sounds very familiar.....I've been through that cycle goodness knows how many times, so I know how you feel. I don't want to influence anything on your part....but there was only one way to finally deal with that....transition. I just started HRT finally.

But the process of acceptance is very important to go through whatever you decide on. I tried before so many times, but because I couldn't accept "her" or the girl I was/am, I would fail each time. So we are all here to help you with the process of your self-discovery.

You may want to see a GID therapist for sorting out these issues....it will help a lot. Even if you can't see a specialist for GID, just a regular counselor or therapist can do wonders.

[Megan]

I'm okay if I had a clear cut definition of myself, since I don't care if I have to transition... I am not sure it is a have versus lifelong depression. It's just that I want too, but I don't want to end up regretting because then I want to be androgynous.

I think I should see a GID therapist.

I was here on Susans (so I'm not technically new), early in January I think, but then I thought I was done, so I deleted my account.

[aubrey]

Yeah it sounds like you need a therapists help. Remember they are only human too and you may get lucky right away or need a few tries before finding the right one for you.

I floated between also, not so much with wanting to be male but felt i had to be and there wasn't much i could do about it.

[jesse]

welcome to the transgender club hun it will do that the rest of your life till you do someething about it and it will also get worse as you get older hugs
jessica

[Chrissty]

I thought I wasn't transgendered anymore, but then it came back like within the past few days. I was okay thinking I could be just a guy, but now I want to be woman again. Then I want to be a guy (but not traditional guy)....... then a woman. I am confuse again.

Has this happen to anyone??

I'm still getting the crazy swings, and they come and go..

Sometimes I just finish a difficult job in "guy" mode having not thought about it for a couple of days.

..start to relax ..

....and then it hits my like a brick, and I end up in tears...

Most of the time I feel 50/50 at the moment, with a strong grounding of my male past, and an increasingly strong female persona to balance and feed...

Interestingly, I have always felt that if I entertained androgynous....that I would rapidly transition female anyway..



Chrissty

[Jay]

It went through that stage when I was about 13/14 basically because I didn't really know how to transition or the steps I had to take. Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and just do what you want to do..

Jay

[Silver]

You put a sad face like it's a bad thing.

True, it would be easier if you didn't have to mess with your gender presentation to be happy. But if you really do have the mind of a woman, transition will probably bring you a lot of relief (other transitioning people seem to feel that way.)

So welcome back and I hope you can figure out what you want and what will bring you peace.

[Jester]

Welcome to the club Megan, we are in the exact same place.

[perfectisolation]

Hi Megan,

This happens to me aswell. One day it's like "oh I should just live as female" then another it's "good god man, I'm gonna throw away my life if I don't transition"

I guess just make the best of it. whatever that means. I've learnt not to act impulsively on these confusing thoughts... Go with the flow, yknow?

[Valerie Elizabeth]

Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and just do what you want to do..

My life in a nutshell.  It's so true though, you gotta do what you gotta / need to do.

[SidoniaTG]

Hi Megan,

I too went through similar thoughts and feelings, and still do sometimes but less and less as time goes by.  What helps me is to look at how successful I was at being male as compaired to female.  I spent at least most of my life trying to be male and I really wasn't successful at all.  But then I look at the short time I have been living female and I can see a big difference.  I have been successful in alot of areas that I just couldn't have been successful if I were still trying to be male.  Most important thing for me is I have to let go of everything and be myself and the truth shines through every tme.  Sometimes right away but other times it takes a while.

Sid

[sarals]

Hi, Megan,

Get thee to a therapist.  Or, at least to a TG support group.  Better yet, if you can find a place where trans people congregate, umm, hang out, go there and sit and talk.  You'll likely discover a whole lot about yourself.

What you feel is similar to what I went through, but in my case it was during my tentative first steps of coming out into the world.  Yikes...the life of a tweener.....

[Just Kate]

I totally get the flipping back and forth.  I tried transition and found that while it was nice, I didn't need it to be me.  Found out while transitioned that being in the "female" box didn't fit me any better than the "male" box I left.  I do my best to be androgynous now and allow my true personality to show through, though there are still times being a male gets to me.

Welcome to Susans!

[Naturally Blonde]

I thought I wasn't transgendered anymore, but then it came back like within the past few days. I was okay thinking I could be just a guy, but now I want to be woman again. Then I want to be a guy (but not traditional guy)....... then a woman. I am confuse again.

Has this happen to anyone??

Not me! I would hate to be a bloke and have never tried to emulate a male image prior to transition.