GID attacks post-op?

[AbraCadabra]

Please would you share how you experience GID attacks post-op.
Surely they do not stop all at once?
We all know in this section how HRT affected GID, which doesn't mean it stopped all together. (How nice that would be) Well, at least in my experience.
Yes, after being on HRT the severity and length GID was reduced lots, so how about GRS/SRS?

[AbraCadabra]

Thanks hon for that very honest insight. I had my first intro to that sort of post-op theme with a friend as she very flatly stated how "flat" she was feeling after her first op (penetectomy and orchietectomy) SA style requiring her to go back for two more ops. Yet another friend just finished with her 3rd and last op after 1 year hiatus between ops seemed jolly "flat" yet again.

For this reason and having myself a 1 year "breather" due to brain-op hiatus I wanted to find out.
It may help me to get over *my* own post-op bump with a bit more ease.

Now I know about going of E, Spiro and Finasteride for my the planned GRS as I was ramping down most diligently over some 6 weeks, with finally being on nothing 2 weeks pre GRS --- and I started to feel VERY grotty, physically and mentally.
Now my head-op also required a 7 day stay in hospital and following I had tummy wrenching GID attacks as bad as they come. After a week easing back onto E things I'm are a lot better but not quite feeling as hip as I'm used to.
One thing came up in the process. Note: post-op GRS it is advised to go back to a mild E regime, yet Spiro and Finasteride are also much advised as your body tries desperately to find some T and activates adrenal-gland T output.
I guess it's not ok to go here into detailed HRT items but I found this rather telling since this E, Spiro, and Fin aught to be maintained for at least 1 year post-op! After which time it may be reduced to more normal menopausal E only.
You mention hormones a lot and feel you not yet up to your pre-op level, which is why the above said just came to mind.
Since I myself are nowwhere near 4 - 6 HRT you mentioned some of the GRS girls had, it makes me feel some better not to be "rushed".
Thanks again for sharing --- it really helps.
Axelle


_{edit - dosage}

[girl_ashley]

I have to concur with Valerie as my body dysphoria centered around the configuration of my genitals.  Once I was able to get home after surgery, I was cleaning my dilators (or stents as you Thai girls like to call it) and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  That was when I saw myself for how I was always meant to be and all of that pain of the dissonance between my mind and my body just completely evaporated away.

I still am keeping an eye out for post-op depression, but if anything I can say is that what I am experiencing as a post-op trans woman can only be summed up as gender euphoria, not dysphoria.


For some of you struggling with post-op depression or low feelings, you should bump your E dose to pre-surgery levels until at least you are six months post-op.  The intake of E regulates production of serotonin (known as the happy hormone) and when you halve your intake dose after surgery, that puts you more at risk for post-op depression than you would be otherwise if you had kept taking the same dose.  Something to think about.

[Ann Onymous]

I never had any problems post-operatively...hell, my body was so happy to be at peace that I never even had the pain some describe and was wandering all over the house almost as soon as I was out of the recovery room.

Never had the post-op depression have written about...I got home and got on with life.  That was ~15 years ago. 

[AbraCadabra]

Maybe some clarification is needed by how I experience what I understand as a GID attack.
Post my recent brain-op as well as earlier in my transition, it happens mostly in the morning while still in bed. Though not always depending what triggers it.
I once described it as if I was toothpaste in the wrong tube (completely).
It is not just about my plumbing --- YES, IT NEEDS TO BE FLAT DOWN THERE!!! but it extends to my whole body.
Ok, good legs - BUT not much butt, too little waist, too wide shoulders and rib-cage,
and some sort of 1/2 1/2 femme/male features at best. Check my avatar and you may see it?
I was about 4 month into HRT when it was taken (the only one I have, sorry)
Now FFS and $$$ could help with some of this.

My point: All of this will not visibly change after my GRS and if it gives me GID now --- I suppose it will do so post-op?!

I do have VERY little stuff left down there (after 1 year HRT), just a bit too much skin as one might see it. I can wear bikini bottoms, and a plump vag. would not look much any different, yes?

I'm also not THAT genital disphoric so as not to touch them. They just are the wrong item on me. Once I called it a big clit I can pee through, um. Arrogance saving the day?

Boobs are a smallish A-cup (38) and could be some more, etc. etc. you know what I mean.

Now having GRS will make me feel more femme grounded, I know it would, but as far as the visible presentation is concerned not much if anything would change!

I never had a baby in my tummy, (still get a stab seeing pregnant girls) and never was born a bio-girl. Do I quarrel with my lot? I try not too, as what is, IS.

When GID hits me badly all these realization just wrench my gut and want to squeeze the life out of me wanting to be in a girl's "shell" ever so desperately, like the one I am in my head.

Though somewhere I always know it will pass after a while, and a bucket of tears, moans and screams of agony (thank God no one has to listen to it all, they'd think I'd be busy dieing).

So, now what is the dif. to post-op depression to what I have described?
I'm sure you'll know, I don't.
Axelle

[paulault55]

I am a little over seven weeks post op with Dr. Mcginn, waking up in recovery after my surgery my first thought was that i survived the surgery, my second thought was that i am now complete, at that time i felt a calmness come over me.

At seven weeks 5x a day dilation is getting old, i can hardly wait till i get to 3x a day, then there are the silver nitrate treatments that i need every 10 - 14 days for maybe the next 6 months to get rid of the granulation tissue, for a few days after it is pretty messy, then throw in the discomfort from healing and my body readjusting to hormone levels and you have a recipe for depression, the only reason i am not depressed is i know eventually the number of times a day i will have to dilate will get less and the silver nitrate treatments will end as will the discomfort.

I had to stop my estradiol two weeks before surgery and not restart till two weeks after, before surgery i had hot flashes, especially during the first week, i would wake up sweaty, after surgery especially the second week i had severe hot flashes where i would wake up drenched in sweat, i had no fever, i was allowed to restart my estradiol a few days early and within a couple days the hot flashes stopped

My surgeon want me to continue my pre-op estradiol dosage for at least the next six months, and maybe add some T for my energy levels and libido after my levels are checked in a couple weeks.

GID after surgery, the only issues i have and they are more related to my self image than GID is my thinning hair and my turkey neck.

Paula

[Northern Jane]

For me SRS was a complete cure for GID. Almost all of the trauma in my life was centred around the discordance between my mental state (female) and my screwed-up body and surgery corrected that.

I can't say the last 37 years have been peaches and cream but it has just been LIFE. I am still not thrilled about the way my life started and grieve some of the costs but I would not change a thing.

[juliemac]

I agree with Jane. A few months after surgery realised that the "noise" in my head was gone.
Wow...

[Sarah B]

Well for me, I never suffered from any GID prior to my surgery and I have mentioned this in previous posts and the reasons.  I will say one thing in regards to this from around when I was 18 years old to when I was 29 years old when I finally realised that I was a female.  My thoughts and feelings were getting stronger and stronger as the years went by and the constant thinking about wanting to be a female was occupying my mind more and more.  Although it did not affect me in my day to day living.

During this time I just did more 'female' things without anyone else knowing and when I did, I was just content with myself and I also said to myself "his feels right".  Everything I did before or after my surgery resonated so deeply within me that I never questioned or hesitated in what I was doing.  You could say, I was just doing what needed to be done so that I could function properly as a female in society.

So even after surgery I have never suffered from any GID symptoms, not that I would know what those symptoms were.  However, I will say this, "thinking about what I once had or what I once was, actually makes me physically sick to the core of my being.

For me also the last 23 years have not peaches or cream either, but that is just life.  I'm not happy about the way my life also started and wish that I could have started a lot younger.  However, I'm extremely happy with who I am.

Warm regards
Sarah B
PS As Julie and Jane have mentioned, the noise has gone from my head and peace reigns supreme.

[AbraCadabra]

Just had another minor GID attack (morning as usual) when I read chick-lit and the subject of having babies comes up.
It feels like swamp gas bubbles rising to the top and here come the tear and moaning. I may relate what you identified as "noise" --- pretty sad noise for sure it then is.
Thanks for sharing, reading your last posts gives me a lift, there's light at the end of this tunnel.
Axelle

[FairyGirl]

After surgery I just felt cured.  I was so happy it brought me to tears often in those first few weeks.  Yeah, the constant noise was finally silenced.  I really didn't experience any post-op depression, though I did have the symptoms of hot flashes and night sweats that Paula described during the 4 weeks off hormones.  I have the same body image issues now as I suppose many other females experience, but it isn't GID.

However, I will say this, "thinking about what I once had or what I once was, actually makes me physically sick to the core of my being.

I can relate... once I was reading this book in which some girls put socks in their pants to help them pass as boys to get into the army.  I thought it might be interesting to see how that looked now, so I put a sock in my panties and looked in the mirror-- it was horrible!! It did cause a strong flash of "remembered GID", and I quickly removed the sock and threw it... omg I will NEVER do that again!

ps.. my endocrinologist tripled my dosage of estrogen after surgery and doubled my progesterone- when I had to be off progesterone for 2 weeks when I first came to Australia I got very depressed and even had suicidal thoughts at the pure hopelessness I felt about life in general... a couple days back on P however and I was all happy and emotionally stable again lol

[Dinky_Di]

After surgery I just felt cured.  I was so happy it brought me to tears often in those first few weeks.  Yeah, the constant noise was finally silenced. 

Same here, the surgery was a miracle cure for my GID.  The feeling of not having a head going round and round to a bit of getting used to.

I can relate... once I was reading this book in which some girls put socks in their pants to help them pass as boys to get into the army.  I thought it might be interesting to see how that looked now, so I put a sock in my panties and looked in the mirror-- it was horrible!! It did cause a strong flash of "remembered GID", and I quickly removed the sock and threw it... omg I will NEVER do that again!

Lol.....no way, now that bulge has gone I never ever want to see it again, yuck yuck yuck.....

[FairyGirl]

yeah, my roommate was like, "well, that was stupid..." lol

[juliemac]

yeah, my roommate was like, "well, that was stupid..." lol

Lol... Reminds me of that joke: What does a transwoman feel when wearing a strapon? Nostalgic.

Its been 1 year 5 days and I really dont remember having that extra baggage.

[Julie Marie]

By GID are you just referring to the dysphoria a TS would have regarding the physical self?  There are other things related to gender identity that can cause dysphoria.

As for the physical self, yes, my dysphoria vanished post op.  I later coined the term "the bees" when referring to what life was like before.  Throughout my entire life I lived with a swarm of bees trying to sting me.  I was so preoccupied swatting them away that even the simple things were difficult to do.  And when I was alone, the bees got worse.  The bees affected every aspect of my life.  Now the bees are gone.

But you know what else is gone?  Fantasizing.  Every night when I would lie down to go to sleep I would create a fantasy whereby somehow, some way I would be magically changed into a woman.  And it would put me right to sleep.  Even though I'm nowhere near the woman I used to fantasize being, that little bedtime relaxer is gone.  I kinda miss that.

Regarding going off HRT for surgery, I, and my doctor, are completely against it.  As my doctor put it to Dr. Z, "Would you have your female patients go on estrogen blockers and take testosterone prior to surgery?"  I followed my doctor's advice, not the GRS surgeon.  And when I went in for FFS, my FFS surgeon told me there was no need to go off HRT.  And so I didn't have to endure the emotional crash my friends did.  If there's a history of blood clotting, then going off HRT is advisable.  But otherwise it needlessly puts the patient through hell.

[AbraCadabra]

*By GID are you just referring to the dysphoria a TS would have regarding the physical self?*

Well hon, it's the whole enchilada. Having the wrong body/gentials, to have the "wrong" face (of sorts) and not having been born bio-female, no babies, no female company at the time, etc. etc.

What to call all that? Physical and emotional, or?

But that with your "dream" sound good. Must see if I can give that a try :-)

Also when I said earlier "gut-wrenching" and "tummy-twisting" (it's what actually happens!) that's what I experience as a "GID-attack" when things are at their worst.
The sort of thing if you had not gone through it many times before makes you suicidal. I'm not like that these days, just hurting very, very badly. It's kind of giving birth to one's very deep sadness?
Axelle

[Julie Marie]

I don't know if it's any consolation, but until you are able to complete your transition (in whatever way you desire) you can appreciate all the things you DO have at this moment.  Some of those things you may lose after coming out and transitioning.  I lost my two sons, a job I loved and some friends. 

My sons have been out of my life for 7 years, except for a brief couple of months with my youngest.  Coming out at work resulted in my employer reneging on their promises and me losing my job and that resulted in living on half what I used to make.  The loss of friends isn't as tough to handle.

I wish I had better appreciated what I had back then.  Maybe I would have done things differently.  Maybe I could have lived with the fantasies and the occasional night on the town until I was financially secure enough to retire.  Transition often results in gaining some things and losing others.  Appreciate what you have now and maybe that will help fend off the attacks.

[FairyGirl]

It's kind of giving birth to one's very deep sadness?

yes it is very much just like that.  I sooo know what you mean.  **big hugs**

[Debra]

I had dreams that I had a penis again and I FREAKED...OUT. Screamed, cried, ugh it was bad. One of these dreams was a dream within a dream so I freaked out and woke up and then checked myself down there again and there was a penis again! So I freaked out again .

By the time i really woke up, I was almost too scared to check.

[AbraCadabra]

Hi Debs,
shame, that sounds just too nightmare-ish.

It does remind me of my own post-brain-op experience when my arm and leg started to work again. Used to wake up during the night and had check if all was still OK. Sounds so familiar to me.
I think it always takes a while after such trauma to regain one's inner security.

Thanks for sharing, it may help to KNOW when in the same situation... IT WILL PASS, yes?
Axelle