Kia Ora M,
This is not entirely from a Buddhist perspective, it's also what's a logical thing to do in the situation you find your"self" in....
If you live with your parents for "financial reasons" and they are prepared to support you through this difficult time [but don't support your transgender nature]...for the time being whist living under their roof it would pay to respect their wishes and not antagonise them...
Once you become more independent financially and can move out, then would be the time to start up a more meaningful discussion surrounding your condition...
It's important to take care of yourself but it's also important to care for those around you...
You must do what you feel is right and what will eventually be beneficial [in the long run] for all parties involved...
Remember "Time has a way to heal all wounds!" Your parents could come around and learn to accept the whole you...
It's possible "unconditional love" a bond between parent and child should eventually override whatever it is they are feeling at this moment...
It's important to "respect" those who are helping you out in your time of need, even if at times you feel they don't fully respect you...
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However in order to understand how a Buddhist learns to deal with things I would suggest you study the following info and perhaps find a local Buddhist centre where you can listen to the Buddha's teachings and learn more about your "self" [Your true Nature]...
The Four Noble Truths and the Eight-Fold path are the foundations of the Buddha's teachings ...
The word dukkha is significant in Buddhism because of its association with the First Noble Truth1 -- that life is dukkha. To understand what the Buddha meant, it's important to understand what dukkha means. The word usually is translated into English as "suffering." But it also means temporary, limited, imperfect and unsatisfactory. In the Buddhist sense, it refers to anything that is conditioned. Something that is conditioned is not absolute or independent of other things. Thus, something beautiful and pleasant is dukkha, because it will end. For example, a new sports car is dukkha, because eventually it will be a rust bucket. Anything formed of the five aggregates [the Five Skandhas =Form-Sensation-Perception-Mental Formation-Consciousness] is dukkha. When the Buddha said that "life is dukkha," he didn't mean that life contains dukkha. He meant exactly that life is dukkha. Life is conditioned. Life is temporary and imperfect.
The Four Noble Truths
1. Life means Dukkha
To live means to live with imperfections, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.
2. The origin of Dukkha is attachment.
The origin of dukkha is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.
3. The cessation of dukkha is attainable.
The cessation of dukkha can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.
4. The path to the cessation of dukkha.
There is a path to the end of dukkha - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.
The Eightfold Path
1. Right Understanding [Wisdom]
Right understanding is the beginning and the end of the path, it simply means to see and to understand things as they really are and to realise the Four Noble Truth. As such, right understanding is the cognitive aspect of wisdom. It means to see things through, to grasp the impermanent and imperfect nature of worldly objects and ideas, and to understand the law of karma and karmic conditioning. Right understanding is not necessarily an intellectual capacity, just as wisdom is not just a matter of intelligence. Instead, right understanding is attained, sustained, and enhanced through all capacities of mind. It begins with the intuitive insight that all beings are subject to suffering and it ends with complete understanding of the true nature of all things. Since our view of the world forms our thoughts and our actions, right understanding yields right thoughts and right actions.
2. Right Thought [Wisdom]
While right understanding refers to the cognitive aspect of wisdom, right thought refers to the volitional aspect, i.e. the kind of mental energy that controls our actions. Right thought can be described best as commitment to ethical and mental self-improvement. Buddha distinguishes three types of right thoughts: [1]. the thought of renunciation, which means resistance to the pull of desire, [2]. the thought of good will, meaning resistance to feelings of anger and aversion, and [3]. the thought of harmlessness, meaning not to think or act cruelly, violently, or aggressively, and to develop compassion.
3. Right Speech [Ethical Conduct]
Right speech is the first principle of ethical conduct in the eightfold path. Ethical conduct is viewed as a guideline to moral discipline, which supports the other principles of the path. This aspect is not self-sufficient, however, essential, because mental purification can only be achieved through the cultivation of ethical conduct. The importance of speech in the context of Buddhist ethics is obvious: words can break or save lives, make enemies or friends, start war or create peace. Buddha explained right speech as follows: [1]. to abstain from false speech, especially not to tell deliberate lies and not to speak deceitfully, [2]. to abstain from slanderous speech and not to use words maliciously against others, [3]. to abstain from harsh words that offend or hurt others, and [4]. to abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose or depth. Positively phrased, this means to tell the truth, to speak friendly, warm, and gently and to talk only when necessary.
4. Right Action [Ethical Conduct]
The second ethical principle, right action, involves the body as natural means of expression, as it refers to deeds that involve bodily actions. Unwholesome actions lead to unsound states of mind, while wholesome actions lead to sound states of mind. Again, the principle is explained in terms of abstinence: right action means [1]. to abstain from harming sentient beings, especially to abstain from taking life (including suicide) and doing harm intentionally or delinquently, [2]. to abstain from taking what is not given, which includes stealing, robbery, fraud, deceitfulness, and dishonesty, and [3]. to abstain from sexual misconduct. Positively formulated, right action means to act kindly and compassionately, to be honest, to respect the belongings of others, and to keep sexual relationships harmless to others. Further details regarding the concrete meaning of right action can be found in the Precepts.
5. Right Livelihood [Ethical Conduct]
Right livelihood means that one should earn one's living in a righteous way and that wealth should be gained legally and peacefully. The Buddha mentions four specific activities that harm other beings and that one should avoid for this reason: [1]. dealing in weapons, [2]. dealing in living beings (including raising animals for slaughter as well as slave trade and prostitution), [3]. working in meat production and butchery, and [4]. selling intoxicants and poisons, such as alcohol and drugs. Furthermore any other occupation that would violate the principles of right speech and right action should be avoided.
6. Right Effort [Mental Development]
Right effort can be seen as a prerequisite for the other principles of the path. Without effort, which is in itself an act of will, nothing can be achieved, whereas misguided effort distracts the mind from its task, and confusion will be the consequence. Mental energy is the force behind right effort; it can occur in either wholesome or unwholesome states. The same type of energy that fuels desire, envy, aggression, and violence can on the other side fuel self-discipline, honesty, benevolence, and kindness. Right effort is detailed in four types of endeavours that rank in ascending order of perfection: [1]. to prevent the arising of unarisen unwholesome states, [2]. to abandon unwholesome states that have already arisen, [3]. to arouse wholesome states that have not yet arisen, and [4]. to maintain and perfect wholesome states already arisen.
7. Right Mindfulness [Mental Development]
Right mindfulness is the controlled and perfected faculty of cognition. It is the mental ability to see things as they are, with clear consciousness. Usually, the cognitive process begins with an impression induced by perception, or by a thought, but then it does not stay with the mere impression. Instead, we almost always conceptualise sense impressions and thoughts immediately. We interpret them and set them in relation to other thoughts and experiences, which naturally go beyond the facticity of the original impression. The mind then posits concepts, joins concepts into constructs, and weaves those constructs into complex interpretative schemes. All this happens only half consciously, and as a result we often see things obscured. Right mindfulness is anchored in clear perception and it penetrates impressions without getting carried away. Right mindfulness enables us to be aware of the process of conceptualisation in a way that we actively observe and control the way our thoughts go. Buddha accounted for this as the four foundations of mindfulness: [1]. contemplation of the body, [2]. contemplation of feeling (repulsive, attractive, or neutral), [3]. contemplation of the state of mind, and [4]. contemplation of the phenomena.
8. Right Concentration [Mental Development]
The eighth principle of the path, right concentration, refers to the development of a mental force that occurs in natural consciousness, although at a relatively low level of intensity, namely concentration. Concentration in this context is described as one-pointedness of mind, meaning a state where all mental faculties are unified and directed onto one particular object. Right concentration for the purpose of the eightfold path means wholesome concentration, i.e. concentration on wholesome thoughts and actions. The Buddhist method of choice to develop right concentration is through the practice of meditation. The meditating mind focuses on a selected object. It first directs itself onto it, then sustains concentration, and finally intensifies concentration step by step. Through this practice it becomes natural to apply elevated levels concentration also in everyday situations. Metta Zenda
