Do you hate being transsexual?

[Tessa James]

adventure |adˈven ch ər; əd-|
noun
an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity : her recent adventures in Italy.
• daring and exciting activity calling for enterprise and enthusiasm : she traveled the world in search of adventure | a sense of adventure.
• archaic a commercial speculation.

It sure is an adventure for me!!!

[izzy]

I do love carrots... and lettuce, especially lettuce!!
♥

If society was more accepting and more aware of it, most trans would transition at a younger age with a lot less cost and surgeries.  Now do i hate being trans no, I dont love it either. It is what it is. i have very little time in my life to hate anything.

[Sophia Hawke]

Hate being trans, wish i could be female, or other wise, not have that overwhelming desire.

[KabitTarah]

If society was more accepting and more aware of it, most trans would transition at a younger age with a lot less cost and surgeries.  Now do i hate being trans no, I dont love it either. It is what it is. i have very little time in my life to hate anything.

Yes. I fall into the lost generation of trans* girls born in the 70s-80s. I already see a huge change in the community from when I investigated and rejected it in the 90s.

[Sibila]

Yes. I fall into the lost generation of trans* girls born in the 70s-80s.

Me too.
I also feel like part of that lost generation, the one's that did not really get a chance.

[Danielle Emmalee]

Me too.
I also feel like part of that lost generation, the one's that did not really get a chance.

We're still better off than the ones born in the 50s and 60s and them better off than the ones born in the 30s and 40s.  The one's born in the 2000s and 2010s I'm sure will feel they lost out on the chances that the 2020s and 2030s get.

[Olivia-Anne]

This is an interesting question to ask yourself. I would have to say that I do not hate being trans. It is something I am and that is it. Do I wish it was different? Yes. Do I wish I had the easy life of being Cis? Yes. Sad to say, that's just not the straw I got. I do see the point that it is a gift. We have the opportunity that no one else but a trans person can understand. That is the insight to live as both genders. Which I would have to agree is a pretty eye opening experience. However, on the flip side, I absolutely hate what I have to go through as a trans person. Its hard to bare the hate I receive, immediately, from some people. I hate the ignorance I will no doubt face at work. Basically I hate what comes along with being trans, as far as society is concerned. But I relish the personal journey of being trans.

<3 Liv

[vlmitchell]

Short answer? No.

There are things, like anything that happens to you that you can't change that aren't a ball of sunshine. There are challenges and deficits that are unique to it but, no, hating being trans would be hating being what I am and there's just not a place for that in my life. I'm alive, I'm healthy, I have a great partner and a job and a home and kitties and the whole nine. Being trans is, to me, only something that I'm aware of in the same way that I'm aware that I'm a big girl. It's just something to compensate for to the degree that I become comfortable with and then move on.

Try not to get caught up in the 'god I wish...' mentality, chick. There's a bunch of old sayings that go in the form of "If wishes were <noun> then <plural noun> would <verb>." and they're all true. Wishing for what you don't have instead of setting a goal to get what you can get out of life is a recipe for misery. Trust me on this one, I've been there and it's way worse than just taking what life gives you and making another cliche for success! (trying to be funny there... maybe notsomuch but meh)

[Kim 526]

My new GF told me earlier, "I can't help but think you've mutilated yourself." I'm post op. I hate being transsexual and right now I want to put my head under the covers and cry, but i'm supposed to be tough and tough girls don't cry.

Well, here's an update: Thursday night I gave my new GF the heave ho. She was just too hung up about me "making her a lesbian." In addition to "mutilated" she had used words like "pathetic," which rub me the wrong way. So better no GF than an insecure, emotionally abusive one.

hugs,

Kim

[Kate G]

Well, here's an update: Thursday night I gave my new GF the heave ho. She was just too hung up about me "making her a lesbian." In addition to "mutilated" she had used words like "pathetic," which rub me the wrong way. So better no GF than an insecure, emotionally abusive one.

hugs,

Kim

Congratulations are in order Kim.  The right people can't come into your life if the wrong people are occupying their space.  Life is a bit like musical chairs in that sense.

[DrBobbi]

Going negative isn't the way to start your transition. Caught up in the politics of self-pity results in just one outcome. Failure. You want to be a success, then start going positive. Negativity is a wasted emotion. Sorry If you don't like someone breaking up your pity party, but given the high suicide rate, we all have a responsibility to make the best of it. Remember there are thousands out there thinking about transitioning.

[Tessa James]

..........and it is up to us now, to pave the ways forward with appropriate cautions but positive support, mentoring, resources and more.

[carrie359]

For me, a transexual..54 years old.. wanting so much to transition.. wanting it more than almost anything.. not ever gonna be complete  as a man but... have a wife of 31 years that is my soul mate I will destroy..that is what I hate. We both lost our parents when young, I am all she has now, we built a life together.. and now I am not sure I can go on living as a man.. It hurts, there is pain, there are consequences..there is regret.
Its complicated. I am looking at my options including taking medication that may numb the pain so I can go on as a man...I am a girl on the inside totally that is not up for debate since I was a child... So I like being a woman but I don't like that my body does not match my mind. After considering suicide and crying a river of tears the last few weeks yes I hate it.. I admit it..I am in limbo just as I have been 54 years.. I am trapped. I have always been a great problem solver.. and this puzzle has too many missing pieces..can't seem to put it all together..
Carrie

[sarahann123]

I'm not sure if hate is the word to describe it. I do hate all I have missed out on by not transitioning sooner but I love who I'm becoming and the girl I have embraced.

[Carlita]

For me, a transexual..54 years old.. wanting so much to transition.. wanting it more than almost anything.. not ever gonna be complete  as a man but... have a wife of 31 years that is my soul mate I will destroy..that is what I hate. We both lost our parents when young, I am all she has now, we built a life together.. and now I am not sure I can go on living as a man.. It hurts, there is pain, there are consequences..there is regret.
Its complicated. I am looking at my options including taking medication that may numb the pain so I can go on as a man...I am a girl on the inside totally that is not up for debate since I was a child... So I like being a woman but I don't like that my body does not match my mind. After considering suicide and crying a river of tears the last few weeks yes I hate it.. I admit it..I am in limbo just as I have been 54 years.. I am trapped. I have always been a great problem solver.. and this puzzle has too many missing pieces..can't seem to put it all together..
Carrie

Oh, Carrie ... I so, so, SO understand how you feel. I'm exactly the same age and I, too, have been with my wife for more than 30 years. And, yes, I've known that I was transsexual since I was, maybe not a child, but certainly from my early teens. And I fought it and fought it, and denied it, and tried to live with it, like so many of our generation did. Because who wouldn't do everything they could to live like a 'normal guy' if they were born with a male body, raised as a boy and treated by the whole world like a man? Particularly if they could get by, could persuade the outside world that they were just like any other man - hold down a job, have a marriage and children, all that good stuff.

But here's the thing ... we reach a point where we can't go on pretending any more. And as much as we owe so, so much to our wives and children, we owe something to ourselves, too. Coming to terms with a transsexual husband - let alone father - is incredibly difficult and painful for the ones we love. But if they love us, then the question arises: how much pain are we supposed to bear on their behalf? If they can see that we are hurting, surely they would want us to be happy and fulfilled?

Our partners and children, of all people, see us as male. We're the husband and father. The idea that the person they know will disappear and be replaced by a stranger is terrifying to them - and part of their fear is felt on our behalf. They're scared that we will become victims of other people's intolerance, mockery, hatred and even violence. And I don't know about you, but I'm scared of that too.

But on the other hand, we know, deep inside, that transition is our only hope of finding happiness and fulfillment. So the question is: which is it better to be, an unhappy, agonised pseudo-man ... or a happy, transsexual woman? And, in the end, which will be better for everyone else?

Surely anyone who loves you would prefer you to transition than commit suicide. Surely they would want you to be happy ... because, in the end, they can't be happy living with a man who is evidently in agony.

It's ghastly, I know, to feel like you're hurting the people you love most. It's the biggest reason, by far, that I hate being transsexual. But, in the end, there's only a certain amount of pain that anyone should have to bear. And we have a right to try to find happiness too.

[Jessica Merriman]

Being a transsexual, in my humble opinion, has too many words to focus on just one. I mean from reading this we all have things in common such as pain (physical and emotional), confusion, feeling incomplete, cheated (time lost, money spent, lives that could have been) and so on. I have spent 28 years in a field that produced horror, lost lives, property damage and all forms of chaos. All while dealing with the issue of transsexualism. I was coerced into being the typical alpha male by everyone I knew over my objections. I do not LIKE the fact I am a transsexual, but all of the coercion, threats, and adversity that I was subjected to has actually aided my transition. I know some of you won't like that last sentence, but think about it. It gave me an iron clad resolve, ability to ignore comments (especially from family and friends), Kevlar skin, and the will and motivation to research and enter the therapist's office totally prepared both for the start of transition, to the end result and conclusion. I know when I am finally at the end of this journey I will do just fine. All I have been subjected to made me the person I am now full of self esteem, confidence, clear in purpose and finally on the right track for me. I have no doubts, fears, worries or other unhealthy mental pudding. I am just trying to say that being thrown in the fire actually refined me to some point. I know this may not be typical, but hey, I didn't really have a typical life. Did any of us?

[KabitTarah]

Oh, Carrie ... I so, so, SO understand how you feel. I'm exactly the same age and I, too, have been with my wife for more than 30 years. And, yes, I've known that I was transsexual since I was, maybe not a child, but certainly from my early teens. And I fought it and fought it, and denied it, and tried to live with it, like so many of our generation did. Because who wouldn't do everything they could to live like a 'normal guy' if they were born with a male body, raised as a boy and treated by the whole world like a man? Particularly if they could get by, could persuade the outside world that they were just like any other man - hold down a job, have a marriage and children, all that good stuff.

But here's the thing ... we reach a point where we can't go on pretending any more. And as much as we owe so, so much to our wives and children, we owe something to ourselves, too. Coming to terms with a transsexual husband - let alone father - is incredibly difficult and painful for the ones we love. But if they love us, then the question arises: how much pain are we supposed to bear on their behalf? If they can see that we are hurting, surely they would want us to be happy and fulfilled?

Our partners and children, of all people, see us as male. We're the husband and father. The idea that the person they know will disappear and be replaced by a stranger is terrifying to them - and part of their fear is felt on our behalf. They're scared that we will become victims of other people's intolerance, mockery, hatred and even violence. And I don't know about you, but I'm scared of that too.

But on the other hand, we know, deep inside, that transition is our only hope of finding happiness and fulfillment. So the question is: which is it better to be, an unhappy, agonised pseudo-man ... or a happy, transsexual woman? And, in the end, which will be better for everyone else?

Surely anyone who loves you would prefer you to transition than commit suicide. Surely they would want you to be happy ... because, in the end, they can't be happy living with a man who is evidently in agony.

It's ghastly, I know, to feel like you're hurting the people you love most. It's the biggest reason, by far, that I hate being transsexual. But, in the end, there's only a certain amount of pain that anyone should have to bear. And we have a right to try to find happiness too.

I completely understand this too. I told my wife... and our 10 year anniversary passed a month and a half later. She's mourning the lie her life has been, mourning my death, mourning the 4th child she wanted and can't get (from me), and mourning the eventual sale and loss of our house. There's nothing I can do. It's not a choice - and the only choice I made was to be happy and be myself for once in my life.

Now things have settled down a bit. I'm at piece after being in denial over losing her and mourning the loss of my marriage (which I'm sure isn't complete). That's one good thing about still being testosterone filled... (yet I wish I werent)... the mourning isn't so bad. Now I wear my ring on a lavender cord around my neck. I considered stopping wearing it completely, but I want to at least remember. I do still love her, but I think her hate for me is helping that fade... but I'll always love her as a friend.

They're not kidding when they say you need to be willing to give up everything. I know I need to. I choose happiness and a hopefully longer life than what I'd have if I weren't out of the closet. I choose happiness instead of the misery I'd have if I hid it now (after coming out)... and I'm 100% certain my life would be much longer staying out than trying to hide it forever (I'd have to cope somehow... and however I did it wouldn't be good).

It's all about being happy, knowing who you are, and loving yourself...
...that doesn't mean I can't hate what it's doing to my family, or hate what it means for my social standing.

[carrie359]

Oh, Carrie ... I so, so, SO understand how you feel. I'm exactly the same age and I, too, have been with my wife for more than 30 years. And, yes, I've known that I was transsexual since I was, maybe not a child, but certainly from my early teens. And I fought it and fought it, and denied it, and tried to live with it, like so many of our generation did. Because who wouldn't do everything they could to live like a 'normal guy' if they were born with a male body, raised as a boy and treated by the whole world like a man? Particularly if they could get by, could persuade the outside world that they were just like any other man - hold down a job, have a marriage and children, all that good stuff.

But here's the thing ... we reach a point where we can't go on pretending any more. And as much as we owe so, so much to our wives and children, we owe something to ourselves, too. Coming to terms with a transsexual husband - let alone father - is incredibly difficult and painful for the ones we love. But if they love us, then the question arises: how much pain are we supposed to bear on their behalf? If they can see that we are hurting, surely they would want us to be happy and fulfilled?


Carlita,
You summed it up perfectly.  In all honesty, I am transitioning now.. letting my hair grow, taking finasteride for hair, lost loosing weight before I start HRT.. but at the same time trying to find a way to stop the process ..it may be that my natural feelings have taken over and Carrie is too strong.  Wanting out, wanting to be satisfied. I can do it, I have the financial means for FFS and everything .. I think what I am trying to do is slowly let my wife know I just have to go with it.
I have therapy Friday,,
I want to wish you all the best.. we are not alone at all. I thought I was for so many years.
Carrie

Our partners and children, of all people, see us as male. We're the husband and father. The idea that the person they know will disappear and be replaced by a stranger is terrifying to them - and part of their fear is felt on our behalf. They're scared that we will become victims of other people's intolerance, mockery, hatred and even violence. And I don't know about you, but I'm scared of that too.

But on the other hand, we know, deep inside, that transition is our only hope of finding happiness and fulfillment. So the question is: which is it better to be, an unhappy, agonised pseudo-man ... or a happy, transsexual woman? And, in the end, which will be better for everyone else?

Surely anyone who loves you would prefer you to transition than commit suicide. Surely they would want you to be happy ... because, in the end, they can't be happy living with a man who is evidently in agony.

It's ghastly, I know, to feel like you're hurting the people you love most. It's the biggest reason, by far, that I hate being transsexual. But, in the end, there's only a certain amount of pain that anyone should have to bear. And we have a right to try to find happiness too.

[Sammy]

It is so! Now, when You have finally accepted Yourself. Your true self - after all those years and decades, she... You are growing stronger and more confident with each day and once You reach that treshold, there will be no painless turning back. She has always been present inside, maybe initially as a some nice and very curious creature, just visiting and peeking out, then as a prisoner and finally as somebody long forgotten and to be shamed about... Now, she has come back as a reigning queen and she is going to have some fun . YOU are going to have that fun! And we cannot deny that she has waited oh so long for that and has truly deserved it! I wish You safe journey

[carrie359]

It is so! Now, when You have finally accepted Yourself. Your true self - after all those years and decades, she... You are growing stronger and more confident with each day and once You reach that treshold, there will be no painless turning back. She has always been present inside, maybe initially as a some nice and very curious creature, just visiting and peeking out, then as a prisoner and finally as somebody long forgotten and to be shamed about... Now, she has come back as a reigning queen and she is going to have some fun . YOU are going to have that fun! And we cannot deny that she has waited oh so long for that and has truly deserved it! I wish You safe journey

Wow,
Emily, I enjoyed that so much... so much emotion.. It does seem almost like when the Jeannie is trapped in the bottle.. the cork popped and walla.. out she comes with nothing to stop her..It seems like a natural journey..one we can not deny.