Susan's Place Logo

News:

Based on internal web log processing I show 3,417,511 Users made 5,324,115 Visits Accounting for 199,729,420 pageviews and 8.954.49 TB of data transfer for 2017, all on a little over $2,000 per month.

Help support this website by Donating or Subscribing! (Updated)

Main Menu

Anxiety.

Started by ativan, September 07, 2013, 12:29:45 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

As a Non-Binary, how does it affect you?

Keeps me from even asking questions.
1 (7.1%)
Keeps me from asking questions sometimes.
1 (7.1%)
Meh, take it as it comes.
6 (42.9%)
Makes me ask questions when I already suspect I know the answer.
3 (21.4%)
Makes me uncontrollably ask questions, regardless.
1 (7.1%)
What's anxiety?
2 (14.3%)

Total Members Voted: 12

ativan

Despite how I feel, there really isn't such a thing as an anxiety landmine in the forest.
There is however, Tiger pits, just full of the stuff.

Just how do you deal with anxieties?
People deal with it from drug/alcohol abuse, prescribed meds, therapy, wait it out,
to dreaming about the best top ten whatever places for whatever in HuffPo Lifestyles.
How do you deal with it?
My anxieties are curious...
  •  

Taka

i just tough it out. don't know what else to do. alcohol doesn't work, not that i tried using it to escape anxiety, but if i drink more than a little on not too good days, the next day can get somewhat bad. meds might work, but i'd rather live without them.

right now, i'm doing fairly well. thanks to shantel. it's interesting how just a few of the right words from a good person can help so much. therapy might help, but i'm not too sure. it's more like i have to create my own space and stick to it also when interacting with other people. instead of just hiding in an imaginary way too small box. and stop trying to be perfect. i'm not, so why not show it more often...

i'm not sure how it affects me as a binary person. maybe i'm afraid to talk to the people around me who i suspect don't want to know. maybe me being binary affects my anxiety. do i really have healthy hormone levels for a person like me? i might have good levels for a woman, though severe pms makes me suspect this is not really the case. and what are the right levels for a not really female? does anybody even know...

there's a lot i want to find out. i'm trying to free myself from the pressure that i put on me. that's the worst pressure, other people actually seem to get it and some even forgive me for not living up to expectations. it's about time i start forgiving myself for giving in to anxiety.
  •  

Lo

Makes me do all of the above, really. I don't have a ton of anxiety about gender stuff; I get frustrated, confused, but most times I'm kind of ambivalent. My anxiety has more to do with the inevitability of coming out than anything else, and even then that's not even the worst it gets.
  •  

eli77

My anxiety isn't really connected to gendery things. It just is. My sis has the same thing. Ranges from mild discomfort to insomnia/migraine/panic inducing levels of stress. Will invariably latch on to the biggest issues currently in my life and try to make me miserable as best it can.

I have a lot of tools and tricks to calm myself down. Tea is great, because I associate it with comfort. TV helps because it turns my mind off. Getting out of the house, to change the environment and disassociate. Talking it through with friends or family, so they can check my irrational fears. Just being around my girlfriend makes me a lot calmer, because I know I have someone watching my back.

And I'm medicated, which helps to a degree. I know a lot of people hate the idea of meds because it makes them feel like they aren't in control, like they are dependent, like they aren't really themselves anymore. But my basic mode of being is "not in control." So for me, medication is a way of exerting my will over my mind/body/life. And I have a pretty fundamental distrust of my baseline personality, because that bitch tried to kill me a few times. I prefer to remain in my altered state.

Therapy. . . I've been enough. All they can give you is tools. I've got enough tools, to be honest.

Overall it doesn't affect my life that much anymore. It's mostly just a bit of procrastination and some unhappy days each month, which is livable.
  •  

Jamie D

It's unresolved and it is slowly killing me.
  •  

eli77

Quote from: Jamie D on September 07, 2013, 11:43:58 PM
It's unresolved and it is slowly killing me.

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. Many hugs. And I know it's hard, but try to keep believing in what can be, that it can get better. You have to have some hope to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
  •  

Kia

all my anxieties are social anxieties, I don't really get it about my gender any more. And it's been getting better though I usually just let it play out.
  •  

Taka

Quote from: Jamie D on September 07, 2013, 11:43:58 PM
It's unresolved and it is slowly killing me.
that sounds really unhealthy.

i refuse to let it kill me. i even managed to get to a point where i can force myself to eat and think that the food tastes good. wasn't possible when i was younger, i'd just start withering away when things got bad.
  •  

ativan

Opening myself up to others about gender used to bring about fits.
I used to use it to hide what is really going on.
Without realizing why it did in the first place.

When people crowd me is stores, the results can be mixed.
From telling myself it doesn't matter to telling them to back off.
But that's really just one of my triggers.
I pretty much know why now, I just need to work on it.
Which I do. It's slowly getting better.
The deeper I dig into it, the more I find.
I also find more good now, than the bad I hate to admit to.

It's difficult to even talk about it with those I have told about the things that happened and why.
It's mostly the why. I can't help but still make excuses for others behavior.
Mostly because it led to me making some really bad decisions.
It's a balance of making excuses, and learning to slowly stop doing that.
Learning to let go of them means having to relive them one way or another.
Someday, the unspeakable will be talked about. Maybe. I can't see how just yet.
The imagery is the worst trigger of them all. It's the one that all the others circle around.

I've managed to set up my life to be as stress free as possible.
It isn't always possible.
The other day I let a small thing run into anxiety that literally left me standing in one spot.
It took mind numbing amounts of meds to get it under control.
I carry fairly large amounts with me at all times. That was one of those times of why.
For those times when I think I'm going to die from the sheer pain of memories best left alone for now.

There was a short period of time that my past was catching up to me.
For over a decade, I was slowly letting it kill me.
Until I reached a point that I literally had nothing left to lose.
It took about six months of letting that person in me who has always kept me alive, run the show.
That was almost five years ago. I made an agreement.
I never tried to hide her again. I accept our fate and step forward into it.
To deny a part of myself that is really the part that is the survivor, was a mistake.
She's a hard drinking, knuckle busting fighter, doesn't flinch, steps into the fight.
Always there, protecting me, all the while pushing me to an edge that feels like it will kill me.
It was a tough fight, but in the end, she got her own way again.
She hates to think about how I've learned to love her as myself, she would rather I just said accepted her.
Love is too vulnerable for her. But she realizes that to stay, it's a part of the deal.
I struggle to find more common ground. She brings up the past as a part of that.
It causes all sorts of anxiety problems at times. Until I see her in the thick of it.
It's about looking over that edge and realizing that there is nothing to fear.
It's about 'accepting' yourself.
Ativan
  •  

JillSter

It may just be the way I'm feeling this week, but I can't seem to breathe without questioning myself.

So I said, "uncontrollably ask questions regardless."

I guess that's kinda unfair. It's not uncontrollable. I've just been feeling really bad this week.

It's managable.
  •  

ativan

Found out last night that the most special person in my life, after my two children, died on Sept 8th.
I carry her in my heart. She lives on in my memories.
But I will never see her again. Today they will bury her.
She was only 34 yrs old.
She was engaged to be married.
I grieve not only for myself, but for all the others whose hearts she also touched.
:icon_sadblinky:
  •  

Kim 526

Oh I am so sorry for your loss Ativan. My fondest sympathy.
"Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak,
So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep."
  •  

Lo

Big hugs, Ativan. Take care of yourself for as long as you need to. <3
  •  

eli77

I'm so sorry Ativan. My deepest sympathies.
  •  

Shantel

Hugs for my friend Ativan!

Concerning anxiety about anything gender or socially related I have none. After being shot twice and my endocrine system chemically compromised in a war I don't have room for any anxieties which would be silly and frivolous in comparison.
  •  

Shantel

Quote from: broken. on September 12, 2013, 04:57:43 AM
I have a lot of anxiety and I have a lot of gender angst and I'm still not sure where all exactly they cross, but I find that the only thing that has improved my anxiety is to just keep challenging it and to try get away from irrational safety behaviors. I've come so far fighting my anxiety and I don't want to stop and I'm too afraid to try medications so it's all I can do.

Good for you, my take on anti-anxiety drugs is that they are simply a bandaid on a symptom and over time they actually make matters of a mental nature worse in other people I have observed using ant-anxiety drugs. I think they re-wire the brain but the finale outcome isn't always good and they become a necessity. I was offered anti-anxiety drugs because typically the VA loves to throw pills at the symptoms rather than finding and dealing with the cause. Having opted for counseling was much more helpful in the long run because I was able to learn to identify the the things that are triggers that set off anxiety attacks and was given some simple tools to spot those things before they happened and sidestep them rather than walk into something that turns into a cluster-fk!
  •  

Tessa James

Ativan you continue to write so well about "her" and I share your feelings of she being the strong survivor while he just carried me along.  My sympathies for the loss of your most special person.  No way around that hurt and grief.

Jamie dearest please hang on too.  We need you unkilled and kinky ;)

If I can catch myself in what I think of as "wind up" where my thoughts can start a crescendo or cascade effect I can sometime talk myself down, contact a friend or engage in rigorous physical activity.
Crank up the tunes, dance or run down the trail yelling if I need to....
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
  •  

ativan

Thanks all, it was a little too much there for a while.
Too many things going wrong at the same time, none of which was as catastrophic.

Meds for anxiety are pretty essential tools for stopping it long enough to sort anxiety out when you are having attacks that are debilitating.
They overlap with panic attacks and even those have some more necessary evil meds for them.
The problems with those kinds of meds is that they can cover up the symptoms so well that it's easier for some Drs. to just let you keep taking them.
Most if given the chance to get you off them, will. They aren't ever meant to be long term, unless somebody has come up with one.
I doubt that is even necessary, given what therapists and psychology have to offer in the last few years.
If you are not able to function usefully for your lifestyle, then they can and do work in the short term.
But like everything that is prescribed, they come with risks, and some of them are as bad as anxiety itself.
Nothing like taking to strong a dose to get you where you want to be, but also keeping you in a state of mind that when they wear off, you go right back to wanting or needing more of the same.
The smallest dose possible is the dose that will allow you to get back to your life, while not making you so numb that you really have gone the other way.
Trouble is that they are usually given out as a higher dose, to make sure you get enough.
This is so illogical in itself, that it's were those horror stories of addiction come true.
If you can tell that you have taken them, you have taken to much.
In other words, if you feel at all 'high' from them, feel just even a little to good, it's to high a dose.
'Benzo's' are the most common and the most addictive. Next is opiates, which should never be used for anxiety, but work well.
To easy to be using to much of those good things. They are formulated in doses for pain and not anxiety.
A little will go a long long way in slowing down anxiety.
I have yet to feel even a little bit anxious when I use them to help with pain.
And I use low doses, usually half what is prescribed.

If you don't need them to stop attacks, and just want them for general anxiety, you are making a mistake.
You are much better off with talk therapy. Get to the root of the problem, never mask it.
That's the real danger in being prescribed anxiety meds. (from someone who calls themself, Ativan Prescribed....).
I started using them for up to and including panic attacks that seemed to come out of nowhere.
As soon as I figured out the cause, I have pretty much used them only when I really need them.
Only on those few occasions that having a panic attack just won't do in front of the general public.
It's not a pretty sight. Especially from me, I've heard. Don't know so much about that, though.  :)
Ativan

  •  

Tessa James

And when you are not busy derailing a thread that cannot be derailed you still mange to crank out some bits of wisdom about anxiety and the current state of pharmacology that is and isn't always working for you?

I envision you "sorting it out" like piles of laundry and just hope you do not to let those colors fade. ;)

Thank you for being out there.
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
  •  

ativan

If only there was some sort of way to sort out my mind...
*My therapist would be happy and my Psychologist would write another paper.  ;)
I just walk up to the edge and step off and hope for the best.
Seems to work most of the time. Sort of. Kinda. Maybe.
Ativan
  •