Do you ever get jealous of other trasguys that transition before you?

[FTMDiaries]

I don't get jealous, I get triggered.

Whenever I hear of a young guy whose accepting parents have allowed him to dodge the bullet of female puberty, it triggers a sense of deep despair that such things were not available to me. But I also know that my parents were completely unaccepting and my puberty began when I was 7, so even today it would be highly unlikely that I would've been put on puberty blockers in time to prevent the damage I suffered. So I have no choice but to accept that their situation is different from mine, and that I can never get back those lost years. I can only concentrate on my future.

I get triggered when I realise that teen transguys today - including those in unaccepting families - have more options and support available to them than I ever did when I was their age. I've suffered GD since I was 5, but I hadn't even heard the word 'transsexual' until I was 19 because we didn't have the Internet etc. to turn to for advice and support. And even then, I had to do all my my research in a public library, using books that were several years out-of-date. But I have to accept that this is just the way things were back then.

I get triggered when I see & hear some transguys who have had excellent transitions and/or are further along in their journeys than I am. I was really surprised to find myself triggered at my GIC on Monday, when a fully transitioned transguy working the reception desk started singing along to the radio. I've always been very dysphoric about my voice and am looking forward to it changing, so hearing him singing baritone was very triggering for me. But I had to accept that there was absolutely no problem with him singing; the problem was due to my own dysphoria & insecurity and he doesn't need me to lay those on him.

I get triggered when I hear some of the (rare!) stories of accepting and supportive families who stand by their trans* loved one every step of the way. My family is unsupportive and I'm in danger of losing my home and my children due to my transition. I've already lost my husband. It hurts to see that some other people are having an easier time of it, but I can't hold it against them; my problems are not their fault.

I also get triggered by the thought of joining an IRL support group with guys who've already transitioned. I don't like being at this halfway stage and I feel less 'authentic' than them, even though I know I'm not.

I know that all of these feelings are my problem. They are nothing whatsoever to do with these guys who've transitioned earlier or are further along than I am. It isn't their problem that I feel this way; heck, they probably felt similarly too at various stages of their transition. They did what they needed to do, and I'm doing what I need to do. If I get triggered along the way, I just have to try to work through my feelings & move on. It's going to get better; it's already better than it used to be.

[YBtheOutlaw]

I don't see why another mans transition would bother you. Their transition has not effect on your life at all? Another man having love and support bothers you? Would you rather everyone suffer as much as they can? Every mans struggle is different and you know I am glad some guys have loving supportive friends and family because I know how not having these supports makes a hard situation that much worse.

maybe that was too harsh. i mean no offense, but seeing everybody around you achieving the exact thing you want, and you not being able to at least make a single step towards it has to bother you, doesn't it? it doesn't mean feeling bad for them, but feeling bad about yourself. i'm so happy for everybody who's into transition, but i can't help feeling envious. and it doesn't mean they should have suffered like me, it just means i should have been happy like them.

as for me, when i feel jealous, i tell myself not to worry because i'm gonna achieve it someday, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. and i daydream of numerous ways to come out and start off transition. that helps me to avoid being stressed about it. keeping up hopes no matter what comes against you is the most important.

[Taka]

i'm jealous of all non-binaries who get to transition. i still haven't found a doctor who can help me.
i'm even more jealous of binary trans people, they have a right to get treatment here unlike non-binaries.

doesn't mean that i'm not happy for them. i just wish i had the same possibilities.

[aleon515]

Dunno how anyone can dislike your vids, Jay. You're adorably awesome! You're like Mr. Smiley, what's to dislike?

Aw thanks Jack, that's awesome! I don't know as it isn't so common. I have maybe gotten 4-5 dislikes in all.  Maybe people dislike someone happy to be transitioning. But unlike our young friend here, I didn't know I could do this, so I have a different view. I feel privileged to be doing this. The other thing is that maybe someone is lost on youtube and finds their way to a video by accident. So they are right wing, hate trans people and so on. I don't know how they find stuff like that. I know Skylarkeleven (IRL). He is an awesome guy, but he gets dislikes too. I am guessing at the point where you have a million views just about EVERYBODY can find you, but most of us don't have a million views.

Anyway to reply to the topic, jealousy is a normal emotion. As long as it is under control. I could waste my time thinking about how I am not in my 20s or even 40s or I could just live my life. I think these are emotions which can be used to make you miserable if you are so inclined. Or they can perhaps make your life better, if you harness them to get what you want.


--Jay

[Kinetik]

Sometimes I do get a bit jealous, but it happened more back when I was waiting for mine to get started. Now I tend to compare my looks to another guy's, which isn't good. :/

[King Malachite]

I don't get jealous, I get triggered.

Whenever I hear of a young guy whose accepting parents have allowed him to dodge the bullet of female puberty, it triggers a sense of deep despair that such things were not available to me. But I also know that my parents were completely unaccepting and my puberty began when I was 7, so even today it would be highly unlikely that I would've been put on puberty blockers in time to prevent the damage I suffered. So I have no choice but to accept that their situation is different from mine, and that I can never get back those lost years. I can only concentrate on my future.

I get triggered when I realise that teen transguys today - including those in unaccepting families - have more options and support available to them than I ever did when I was their age. I've suffered GD since I was 5, but I hadn't even heard the word 'transsexual' until I was 19 because we didn't have the Internet etc. to turn to for advice and support. And even then, I had to do all my my research in a public library, using books that were several years out-of-date. But I have to accept that this is just the way things were back then.

I get triggered when I see & hear some transguys who have had excellent transitions and/or are further along in their journeys than I am. I was really surprised to find myself triggered at my GIC on Monday, when a fully transitioned transguy working the reception desk started singing along to the radio. I've always been very dysphoric about my voice and am looking forward to it changing, so hearing him singing baritone was very triggering for me. But I had to accept that there was absolutely no problem with him singing; the problem was due to my own dysphoria & insecurity and he doesn't need me to lay those on him.

I get triggered when I hear some of the (rare!) stories of accepting and supportive families who stand by their trans* loved one every step of the way. My family is unsupportive and I'm in danger of losing my home and my children due to my transition. I've already lost my husband. It hurts to see that some other people are having an easier time of it, but I can't hold it against them; my problems are not their fault.

I also get triggered by the thought of joining an IRL support group with guys who've already transitioned. I don't like being at this halfway stage and I feel less 'authentic' than them, even though I know I'm not.

I know that all of these feelings are my problem. They are nothing whatsoever to do with these guys who've transitioned earlier or are further along than I am. It isn't their problem that I feel this way; heck, they probably felt similarly too at various stages of their transition. They did what they needed to do, and I'm doing what I need to do. If I get triggered along the way, I just have to try to work through my feelings & move on. It's going to get better; it's already better than it used to be.

Omg....this describes me exactly.  I've being triggered more instead of jealous.  Oh wow....

[Brandon]

maybe that was too harsh. i mean no offense, but seeing everybody around you achieving the exact thing you want, and you not being able to at least make a single step towards it has to bother you, doesn't it? it doesn't mean feeling bad for them, but feeling bad about yourself. i'm so happy for everybody who's into transition, but i can't help feeling envious. and it doesn't mean they should have suffered like me, it just means i should have been happy like them.

as for me, when i feel jealous, i tell myself not to worry because i'm gonna achieve it someday, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. and i daydream of numerous ways to come out and start off transition. that helps me to avoid being stressed about it. keeping up hopes no matter what comes against you is the most important.

Exactly!

[Natkat]

i'm jealous of all non-binaries who get to transition. i still haven't found a doctor who can help me.
i'm even more jealous of binary trans people, they have a right to get treatment here unlike non-binaries.

doesn't mean that i'm not happy for them. i just wish i had the same possibilities.

kinda related, but in another way,
Im jelouse of people "like some online friends i talked too" who live in a place where they can transition more easly and where being trans in general isn't a issues for getting a job an education or medication.

[Femboy]

Yeah, I definitely do.  I think it's actually super important to talk about this kind of jealousy because I feel like when we don't process it, it turns into toxic feelings towards other trans folks.  I think it makes a lot of sense to feel jealous, and also we have a choice of how we deal with or act on that emotion.  I also feel like it's totally possible to be excited and supportive of other trans folks, while also grappling with feelings of jealousy.

I really related to what folks were saying about jealousy/being triggered.  What often manifests as "jealousy" for me is really a deep and painful feeling of sadness, desperation, and longing. Often I feel 'jealous' or upset when I see trans folks who realized they were trans much later than I did, but who started hormones before me or have had surgery already.  It's taken me nearly a decade to come to terms with my relationship with my body, to take the steps to change my body, to deal with all of the pain, loss, rejection, etc. that came with starting hormones, etc.  So even though I know it's a totally illogical and unfair thought process, I can't help but feel sometimes like I'm in line at some magical trans pharmacy and this other person has just cut in line. 

I'm thankful that I have the wherewithal to understand how silly that is, and to recognize that it is always a positive thing when other trans folks are going through less pain, less waiting, less difficulty, etc. than I have.  I've seen a lot of folks let those emotions get the better of them and turn their frustration towards policing who is/isn't "really transsexual", who does/doesn't deserve access to transition-related care, etc.  Seeing that stuff always bums me out.

I wanted to echo, for you Brandon, what the other poster was saying about watching youtube videos of other young trans folks/working on your own channel.  And also, I'd just encourage you to be thoughtful about your own privacy in the process!  Especially when it comes to sharing your name on there.  You just never know, especially as trans folks, what you may or may not want people to see or be able to search about you online in the future. 

Wishing you lots of love and luck in dealing with those very real emotions.

[thatboyfresh]

maybe that was too harsh. i mean no offense, but seeing everybody around you achieving the exact thing you want, and you not being able to at least make a single step towards it has to bother you, doesn't it? it doesn't mean feeling bad for them, but feeling bad about yourself. i'm so happy for everybody who's into transition, but i can't help feeling envious. and it doesn't mean they should have suffered like me, it just means i should have been happy like them.

as for me, when i feel jealous, i tell myself not to worry because i'm gonna achieve it someday, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. and i daydream of numerous ways to come out and start off transition. that helps me to avoid being stressed about it. keeping up hopes no matter what comes against you is the most important.

In my opinion.There is a difference between being jealous and bothered. He specifically stated that it bothered him and that is was I was replying to. Yes some guys have the support and are able to transition a little easier but I just don't understand why that would BOTHER someone else. Can people chose their families and monetary situations that they are born into?? No. We should all know how are the road of a trans man is. Even if you do have 100,000$ at you're disposal and millions of people who love you it doesn't just magically make the internal struggle go away.

[thatboyfresh]

Also the emotion that all of you are describing is not jealousy its envy.

[spacerace]

Also the emotion that all of you are describing is not jealousy its envy.

This correct, but people misuse it so often it has sorta become accepted in places other than formal writing.

From wikipedia:

""Envy" and "jealousy" are often used interchangeably in common usage, but strictly speaking, the words stand for two distinct emotions. Jealousy is the result or fear of losing someone or something that one is attached to or possesses to another person (the transfer of a lover's affections in the typical form), while envy is the resentment caused by another person having something that one does not have, but desires for oneself"

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy#Comparison_with_jealousy

[Brandon]

In my opinion.There is a difference between being jealous and bothered. He specifically stated that it bothered him and that is was I was replying to. Yes some guys have the support and are able to transition a little easier but I just don't understand why that would BOTHER someone else. Can people chose their families and monetary situations that they are born into?? No. We should all know how are the road of a trans man is. Even if you do have 100,000$ at you're disposal and millions of people who love you it doesn't just magically make the internal struggle go away.

Ok well t bothers me seeing everyone else achieve something you want to acheive is going to bother you either way, No I don't want transguys that don't have support to go through what I am, But I never gonna have support from my mother, Come on know that's my mom, Of course its gonna hurt because she will never see me as her son, It's really hard to be happy I'm tired of putting on a fake smile to satisfy everyne else

[Natkat]

For me jelousy is abit of a angry felling someone having something you don't have yourself.
it a negative felling but it dose not has to be negative, I dont find anything wrong with being jelouse like theres nothing wrong with being angry its natural fellings.
you can be angry or jealous at your best friend, it dosen't change the fact you still like and care for them.

[Femboy]

In my opinion.There is a difference between being jealous and bothered. He specifically stated that it bothered him and that is was I was replying to. Yes some guys have the support and are able to transition a little easier but I just don't understand why that would BOTHER someone else. Can people chose their families and monetary situations that they are born into?? No. We should all know how are the road of a trans man is. Even if you do have 100,000$ at you're disposal and millions of people who love you it doesn't just magically make the internal struggle go away.

I mean, it's fine that you don't understand.  But that doesn't mean that it's not a real thing that other people are feeling and experiencing.  As people, we experience all sorts of emotions (like jealousy, rage, etc.) that are generally not good emotions to act on, or may not even make any real sense when we talk them out.  But that doesn't mean we don't *feel* them in the first place.

Haven't you ever felt an emotion that didn't make sense?

Feeling those emotions of jealousy or envy or whatever you want to call it, isn't us saying that trans people we don't know or trans people with more privilege or trans people who transitioned earlier or what-have-you aren't experiencing their own struggles.  These are just the feelings that arise sometimes (which I would venture to say have a lot more to do with the things we're experiencing than how we actually think about other folks). 

[thatboyfresh]

I mean, it's fine that you don't understand.  But that doesn't mean that it's not a real thing that other people are feeling and experiencing.  As people, we experience all sorts of emotions (like jealousy, rage, etc.) that are generally not good emotions to act on, or may not even make any real sense when we talk them out.  But that doesn't mean we don't *feel* them in the first place.

Haven't you ever felt an emotion that didn't make sense?

Feeling those emotions of jealousy or envy or whatever you want to call it, isn't us saying that trans people we don't know or trans people with more privilege or trans people who transitioned earlier or what-have-you aren't experiencing their own struggles.  These are just the feelings that arise sometimes (which I would venture to say have a lot more to do with the things we're experiencing than how we actually think about other folks).

I am not saying that I have never wished It was easy for me like some guys seem to have it. But I was asking why such a thing would bother another human being is all. I guess IN MY PERSONAL OPINION I would never let the success of someone else BOTHER me. This is what I am specifically talking about in regards to OP Brandon's post  . I never once said it didn't make sense to feel that way but, It makes me happy to know that there are men that don't have to go through as much pain and suffering to transition because i wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[thatboyfresh]

Ok well t bothers me seeing everyone else achieve something you want to acheive is going to bother you either way, No I don't want transguys that don't have support to go through what I am, But I never gonna have support from my mother, Come on know that's my mom, Of course its gonna hurt because she will never see me as her son, It's really hard to be happy I'm tired of putting on a fake smile to satisfy everyne else

1. No you can not assume "seeing everyone else achieve something you want to achieve is going to bother you either way" when I see that it makes me even more determined and excited at what is in my future knowing that other people have reached their goals through to much strife and hardship shows me I to can get there one day.

I haven't seen any part of my family in two years. So though I can empathize with you but no I do not share in your ideals which is fine too.

[Brandon]

1. No you can not assume "seeing everyone else achieve something you want to achieve is going to bother you either way" when I see that it makes me even more determined and excited at what is in my future knowing that other people have reached their goals through to much strife and hardship shows me I to can get there one day.

I haven't seen any part of my family in two years. So though I can empathize with you but no I do not share in your ideals which is fine too.

Were two different people dude

[Danielle Emmalee]

Were two different people dude

smh (unless this was a statement of realization)

[Brandon]

smh (unless this was a statement of realization)

Well we are everyone reacts to certain things differently