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How to deal with those horrible things every month

Started by Brandon, September 24, 2013, 08:54:32 PM

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Brandon

Quote from: MaximmusFlavius on September 26, 2013, 04:29:51 PM
Brandon, you are obviously at the point right now were you are trying to work everything out. You're trying to reconcile your identity with your religious beliefs, deal with family, which by the sounds of it are unsupportive, and navigate school, none of which are easy on their own. Most people go through a stage of dealing with horrendous dysphoria and having to come to terms with the reality of being trans and the knowledge that you are different from cis-guys. For some people, they work through this and leave it behind, for others, it never goes away. Whether you like it or not, you have to find a way to deal with it, which is what it seems like you are trying to do. Everyone is trying to give you advice, but you just seem to throw it back in their faces. People have limited patience. Yes, sometimes people can overreact, but I strongly suggest you take a minute to really think through what you are saying before posting. It's easy to get caught up in your own opinions and beliefs and forget other people may disagree. In the end this is a support forum, we are all trying to support one another, but there are limits to what people will put up with. Yes you're younger than a lot of people, so are in a different place, but we have ALL been there and have the wisdom gained from life experience. Use this to your advantage. There is a lot everyone here can offer.



No that's not what I'm doing it will help me at the moment but I eventually get dysphoric again like today but l I didn't wanna make a post about it, The penis envy and chest envy will never go away
keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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Brandon

Quote from: Darkie on September 26, 2013, 04:11:32 PM
Brandon, how would you feel if someone said you aren't a real man cause you get cramps?  You would be upset right?  That's how you make people feel when you say things without clarifying you are talking about cis men.  People have feelings, respect them.


Ive already had it said to me of course I'm gonna feel that way because that's a womanly thing which hurts me a whole lot, Yea I have feelings to they get hurt sometimes that's life truat me Ive had tons of stuff thrown at me, Which why I'm so dysphoric
keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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aleon515

I don't understand about you Brandon. Yeah I understand the dysphoria and the age thing as well. But you post a LOT. People tell you the same things, and often give you very excellent advice, but you seem to have your reasons not to listen to any of it. I've been impressed with the quality of some of the posts and comments that people make. You seem very resistant to anything anyone says to you. Does this all help you? Or do you just go on and say "no one gets me".
It's interesting that of anybody here, you've had more locked threads than anybody I have seen. Yes you have it hard, but you don't have a corner on any kind of suffering or anything.

This is a great source of information, advice, community and so on, but you need to use it.

--Jay
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MaximmusFlavius

Quote from: Brandon on September 26, 2013, 04:38:43 PM


No that's not what I'm doing it will help me at the moment but I eventually get dysphoric again like today but l I didn't wanna make a post about it, The penis envy and chest envy will never go away

So what are you trying to do? I'm genuinely curious. And yes, quite likely they won't, so you need a way to learn to deal with it. You can spend your life being angry, hating the world, everyone else and quite possibly yourself. Fixating on all the things you can't change. OR, you can put those aside as best you can (listen to other guys and how they deal with dysphoria and body envy) and focus on what you CAN change. Your choice. From personal experience, sure, have a quick indulge in that anger, but move on. It may not feel like you're not in control, but you are. Only YOU can change things. NO-ONE else is going to sort your life out for you. It took me a good while to realise that, but once I did, things got a whole lot better, fast. 






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Brandon

Quote from: MaximmusFlavius on September 26, 2013, 04:50:43 PM
So what are you trying to do? I'm genuinely curious. And yes, quite likely they won't, so you need a way to learn to deal with it. You can spend your life being angry, hating the world, everyone else and quite possibly yourself. Fixating on all the things you can't change. OR, you can put those aside as best you can (listen to other guys and how they deal with dysphoria and body envy) and focus on what you CAN change. Your choice. From personal experience, sure, have a quick indulge in that anger, but move on. It may not feel like you're not in control, but you are. Only YOU can change things. NO-ONE else is going to sort your life out for you. It took me a good while to realise that, but once I did, things got a whole lot better, fast.


What works for others might not work for me you ever think of that
keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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Brandon

Quote from: aleon515 on September 26, 2013, 04:48:56 PM
I don't understand about you Brandon. Yeah I understand the dysphoria and the age thing as well. But you post a LOT. People tell you the same things, and often give you very excellent advice, but you seem to have your reasons not to listen to any of it. I've been impressed with the quality of some of the posts and comments that people make. You seem very resistant to anything anyone says to you. Does this all help you? Or do you just go on and say "no one gets me".
It's interesting that of anybody here, you've had more locked threads than anybody I have seen. Yes you have it hard, but you don't have a corner on any kind of suffering or anything.

This is a great source of information, advice, community and so on, but you need to use it.

--Jay


Not everything that works for them is gonna work for me, Trust me Ive takin their advice but I end up dysphoric again
keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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MaximmusFlavius

Quote from: Brandon on September 26, 2013, 04:52:56 PM


What works for other might not work for me sid you ever think of that

Really??!!! NEVER!! Seriously??? Sorry, my British sarcasm couldn't resist.

Of course I thought of that! There are a lot of people here, all with different opinions and different lives and different ways of dealing with things. No one is in the same circumstances as you, so their own particular way of dealing may well not completely work for you, but take parts of other people's methods, make them your own. Find something that works for you. It may very well be unique but so many different opinions means many many methods. I am genuinely trying to help you here. Have you considered that?






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Brandon

Quote from: MaximmusFlavius on September 26, 2013, 05:00:02 PM
Really??!!! NEVER!! Seriously??? Sorry, my British sarcasm couldn't resist.

Of course I thought of that! There are a lot of people here, all with different opinions and different lives and different ways of dealing with things. No one is in the same circumstances as you, so their own particular way of dealing may well not completely work for you, but take parts of other people's methods, make them your own. Find something that works for you. It may very well be unique but so many different opinions means many many methods. I am genuinely trying to help you here. Have you considered that?


Yes I have, But you guys get mad at me all I'm sayin is what works for you is not gone work for everyone else, That's what I have been tryin to tell them
keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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MaximmusFlavius

Yup, we get that. Maybe you don't mean it, but the way you come across is to say 'I am completely different, none of you know what I am going through so none of your advice will ever help me.' It may surprise you to know that you're situation is not as unique as you think. I'm not just talking about coping mechanisms, but everything you've said in previous threads. The fact that you can't seem to take any advice makes me think you are still trying to come to terms with everything, part of which is finding a way to deal that works for you. We are all here to help, try to remember that. You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Make the most of it  :)






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Jack_M

Quote from: Brandon on September 26, 2013, 04:41:50 PM


Ive already had it said to me of course I'm gonna feel that way because that's a womanly thing which hurts me a whole lot, Yea I have feelings to they get hurt sometimes that's life truat me Ive had tons of stuff thrown at me, Which why I'm so dysphoric

When that's being said to you, you acknowledge that it hurts.  It's makes you "so dysphoric".  This is a support forum, Brandon.  You can come on here and ask us how we deal with dysphoria, or how we deal with people saying/implying things like this to us, assuming you're actually willing to accept or consider anything anyone says.  And people will help you, as they already have done and miraculously continue to attempt to do.

But because it's a support forum, it's not fair to be inflicting that dysphoria on the rest of us when you generalise something as being something men don't experience.  That creates the same frustration, and dysphoria for many of us as you've experienced through others implying such things make you less of a man.  It's the sort of things we hear from those who don't accept or understand us, but we don't expect to see in a support forum.  Please try to read your posts carefully before you post to be sure you're not doing that!

I started bleeding today, and what you stated essentially said that in doing so, I'm not a man.  You questioned my, and others', manhood, and then got snippy when I request that you stop doing that.  Can you start to understand that that's how your posts read when you're not careful with your words? 
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Joe.

Jesus Christ Brandon I don't know what else anyone is supposed to say to you?! Every single person here has tried to be patient with you. Funnily enough, some of us do actually care about you, myself included. You might not see it but people are trying to help you, but we all have feelings too. Nobody has to reply when you ask for advice, but we do, because as alien as it might seem to you we want to help you. That might be hard to get your head around because you have lacked support in the real world. I understand how hard that is for you. I understand how you feel. We have all been in your shoes Brandon, we know how you're feeling. We can relate and we're trying to help. I think you get defensive because you're so used to being treated like crap but quite frankly, to get respect you need to give respect too. We have all tried to respect you, tried to help you when you needed it, but you can't seem to appreciate that. You just can't talk to people the way you do and expect it to be ok and for people to continue to try. If you want help and advice, accept it when it is given to you. Say thank you, be respectful about it. Even if you think the advice is rubbish, be polite and thank the person anyway. A little courtesy goes a long way. This forum is a support forum and I come here for support and to give support, not to see groups of people being targeted and talked to like crap. I will be here for you because I want to help people, like I said, that's a reason I come to Susans. But after a while Brandon, there's only so much one human being can take.
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Brandon

Quote from: Jack_M on September 26, 2013, 05:11:46 PM
When that's being said to you, you acknowledge that it hurts.  It's makes you "so dysphoric".  This is a support forum, Brandon.  You can come on here and ask us how we deal with dysphoria, or how we deal with people saying/implying things like this to us, assuming you're actually willing to accept or consider anything anyone says.  And people will help you, as they already have done and miraculously continue to attempt to do.

But because it's a support forum, it's not fair to be inflicting that dysphoria on the rest of us when you generalise something as being something men don't experience.  That creates the same frustration, and dysphoria for many of us as you've experienced through others implying such things make you less of a man.  It's the sort of things we hear from those who don't accept or understand us, but we don't expect to see in a support forum.  Please try to read your posts carefully before you post to be sure you're not doing that!

I started bleeding today, and what you stated essentially said that in doing so, I'm not a man.  You questioned my, and others', manhood, and then got snippy when I request that you stop doing that.  Can you start to understand that that's how your posts read when you're not careful with your words?







You really wanna know how many times My manhood has gotten questioned? Alot And it was way worse then that, Ive been told I'm not a man just because I don't have a dick and alot worse
keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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MaximmusFlavius

Quote from: Brandon on September 26, 2013, 05:15:51 PM


You really wanna know how many times My manhood has gotten questioned? Alot And it was way worse then that, Ive been told I'm not a man just because I don't have a dick and alot worse

Welcome to the real, ignorant, transphobic world. So what are YOU gonna do about it? That doesn't involve unintentionally insulting most people here?






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Jack_M

Quote from: Brandon on September 26, 2013, 05:15:51 PM


You really wanna know how many times My manhood has gotten questioned? Alot And it was way worse then that, Ive been told I'm not a man just because I don't have a dick and alot worse

No, I didn't ask how many times your manhood has gotten questioned.  I'm telling you that you have absolutely no right to question mine or the manhood of others on this forum and that I request that you watch that, whether it is done intentionally or not.  Just because a few people have done worse to you doesn't give you a free pass to come on here and create the same feelings, Brandon!  That's not how a SUPPORT forum works.

You can come on here and ask for advice and support in dealing with those individuals or the frustrations caused as a result of the actions of said individuals.  You shouldn't come on here and replicate their actions and try to pass on your frustration and dysphoria.
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Brandon

Quote from: MaximmusFlavius on September 26, 2013, 05:18:08 PM
Welcome to the real, ignorant, transphobic world. So what are YOU gonna do about it? That doesn't involve unintentionally insulting most people here?


No Obviously menstrating isn't a man thing it's a woman thing,  I wasn't insulting anyone you just took it the wrong way, I mean lets get real this is the internet
keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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MaximmusFlavius

Brring Brring 'Hello Brandon? Hi, this is reality calling...'

So you're saying everyone who menstruates is a women, not a man? On a trans forum??!! Seriously? And you think this won't cause offence at all? Wow, just wow. I have tried to offer you advice and you seem not to listen. I've tried to help all I can but apparently nothing I have to say helps or is relevant or reasonable or even matters.

It's late, I have work tomorrow so I'm out. I wish you the best of luck with everything.






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Brandon

Quote from: Jack_M on September 26, 2013, 05:24:34 PM
No, I didn't ask how many times your manhood has gotten questioned.  I'm telling you that you have absolutely no right to question mine or the manhood of others on this forum and that I request that you watch that, whether it is done intentionally or not.  Just because a few people have done worse to you doesn't give you a free pass to come on here and create the same feelings, Brandon!  That's not how a SUPPORT forum works.

You can come on here and ask for advice and support in dealing with those individuals or the frustrations caused as a result of the actions of said individuals.  You shouldn't come on here and replicate their actions and try to pass on your frustration and dysphoria.

No I'm saying I did not question our manhood you misunderstood what I said, I'm telling you that my manhood has been questioned and alot worse at that, I'm not insulting you or anyone, I just said. that mesturals arent a man thing

keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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Joe.

Quote from: Brandon on September 26, 2013, 05:42:42 PM
No I'm saying I did not question our manhood you misunderstood what I said, I'm telling you that my manhood has been questioned and alot worse at that, I'm not insulting you or anyone, I just said. that mesturals arent a man thing



Aren't a cis man thing* I'm a man and I get menstruals.
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Brandon

Quote from: androidnick on September 26, 2013, 05:31:41 PM
You want to know the truth Brandon? You aren't unique. No I'm not saying that in any cruel sense. I mean that everyone has problems. On this specific site, all of us generally have the same issues. So really just because your manhood has been questioned plenty of times, doesn't mean your suffering is worse. Seriously man.Now I see it. You don't have a filter or care to have one because it is the internet. Brandon, you need to learn you can cause others dysphoria with the things you say. Guess what? We bleed because we are TRANS men.



I never said that at all but ok man what ver you said
keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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Brandon

Quote from: MaximmusFlavius on September 26, 2013, 05:35:51 PM
Brring Brring 'Hello Brandon? Hi, this is reality calling...'

So you're saying everyone who menstruates is a women, not a man? On a trans forum??!! Seriously? And you think this won't cause offence at all? Wow, just wow. I have tried to offer you advice and you seem not to listen. I've tried to help all I can but apparently nothing I have to say helps or is relevant or reasonable or even matters.

It's late, I have work tomorrow so I'm out. I wish you the best of luck with everything.


Ok well I understand that I know I'm a guy sure at heart, Quit twisting my words around
keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah
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