Dealing with the big "D"

[Jamie D]

Hi Jamie

Yes, and that's exactly the problem. It's the uncertainty not belonging to each gender. Right now I feel cis, but at times I feel trans.

Truthfully, in this community, that is not all that uncommon.  Go check out the Androgyne Talk forum.  Read up on the concept of "genderfluidity."

Also, feel free to ask questions and interact with your fellow members of the community.  It is part of the process of self-discovery.

[georgie]

I spend weekend mornings dressing as I would like.  I have been in Second Life for six years and have always have a female avi....was no doubt what I wanted from day one.  And I learned a lot of both good and bad in there.  I am always myself there. It does help me. Your mileage may vary.  ; )

[Shantel]

My dysphoria came under control once I finally decided where my comfort zone really was and quit letting other people's dysphoria affect me. I'm content wearing a bra and woman's top, skinny jeans and hoodie, though sometimes I opt out of the confines of a bra for a tank top. Either way, it seems like androgyny is where I fit in and feel most comfortable and I've lost the formerly intense drive to spend a fortune on surgeries. Oddly enough most cis women in the PNW dress like I do during casual times and I fit right in.

[insideontheoutside]

Oddly enough most cis women in the PNW dress like I do during casual times and I fit right in.

I have noticed that as a whole people seem pretty relaxed around the PNW about clothing. I woman could dress like a lumberjack around here and I think barely anyone would notice!

[Tanya W]

My dysphoria came under control once I finally decided where my comfort zone really was and quit letting other people's dysphoria affect me.

Very well put, Shantel. Both these tasks seem essential to my own journey/sanity right now: Where is my comfort zone? What is your discomfort? Figuring these out is an ongoing process for me, perhaps always will be. Sometimes the process goes well (earlier this week). Sometimes not so well (right now, for instance). But always it goes...

[KarynMcD]

Even the experience of procuring the clothing can be nice. Shop people usually don't even look twice at a "female" buying male items and most don't even care about a "male" buying female items. They all just figure you're buying them for a significant other or something (and that's always a good excuse if you need one!).

Cashier: "Oooo, that's pretty. Your wife will love that."
Me: "Yeah, my wife. Ok, let's go with that."

[Shantel]

I have noticed that as a whole people seem pretty relaxed around the PNW about clothing. I woman could dress like a lumberjack around here and I think barely anyone would notice!

Some do and it's pretty acceptable, I get ma-am'ed all the time because I look like a butch dyke generally. You must be local to the area too huh?

[Shantel]

Even the experience of procuring the clothing can be nice. Shop people usually don't even look twice at a "female" buying male items and most don't even care about a "male" buying female items.

So true, my wife and I both shop the female departments together, she's smart about seasonal sales opportunities and has warmed up to the idea that some women's items are fine and look good on me, this has been a long slow transition in her thinking and well worth my patience. I have narrow feet for a genetic male and men's medium width usually start out in D which I slosh around in and unless you want to blow $200 you aren't going to get anything narrower. We have found that women's medium width shoes and boots fit me well and are typically much narrower than men's mediums. We don't have any qualms about correcting the sales people who try to steer me toward the men's departments, besides I'm into more colorful tops and the greater variety of style than is usually available in men's departments. The sales staff normally don't care, they are there move merchandise and help the customers.

[E-Brennan]

I find that being immersed in my artwork is definitely a distraction as well.

+1 on this.  I too find that my dysphoria is reduced when I can transfer it somewhere else, most often to my writing.  On paper, I can be who I want to be.  My body doesn't matter anymore.

And much as I hate to admit it, writing while in dysphoric depressions helps me really carve out some of my female characters.  It's almost something I look forward to, because I'm far better at what I like to do when feeling miserable.

[halfsleep]

before knowing i was trans, which was like 6 months ago, i was planning to live my whole life in solitude.

I literally figured the same thing about myself. I had these "fantasties" of myself living off the grid, or living in some lonely apartment, living as an isolated male.

[LordKAT]

I literally figured the same thing about myself. I had these "fantasties" of myself living off the grid, or living in some lonely apartment, living as an isolated male.

That was pretty much my thoughts too. 5 acres, surrounded by trees with just me and a house in the middle.

[Tanya W]

I literally figured the same thing about myself. I had these "fantasties" of myself living off the grid, or living in some lonely apartment, living as an isolated male.

I have entertained similar thoughts and fantasies over the years. I always cloaked these in the most noble of motivations: retreat to a monastery for spiritual practice, to a farm in order to care for the land, the the wild so I might learn the language of this world.

I never attributed any of these to dysphoria because I did not know I was dysphoric. As I come to know this term, though, and come to see how much dysphoria - especially, in this instance, social dysphoria - has shaped my life, I understand these thoughts/fantasies differently.

Isolation has been and is a common response to the disorientation of dysphoria for me. Looking at my life's trajectory, it is sobering to realize how much my choices have arranged around this fact. I am, of course, slowly working toward something different, but right now I want to cry. 

[hurin19067]

I thought the D word was depression....