When I was younger and i started asking more questions about the bible and science and other religions, my father decided to have a chat with me about it. He said Mason religion was basically forced on me when I was younger, and i said when I have a kid im going to let him/her choose. He said you have many options, do some research and get back to me when you found something that makes sense to you. I said alright, and like a proper child gave no thought to how cool of a parent to say that, and went back to watching some T.V
A week later i went to my grandfather (a pastor) and asked him the same questions about religion and he explained it to me from things from the bible. I did lots of research and stuck with it for awhile until i asked questions to other pastors like "If God knows everything does he know about starving children in bad situations" the man said yes he know everything. Then i asked is God all powerful, and he said yes of course. and then i decided i didnt want anything to do with such a god and never went back to church again.
The problem was i had nothing to help me explain the world around me. I pushed it to the bottom of my mind like a proper child and went home and watched more T.V instead. it wasnt till about middle school till i read a book called Death by Black Hole. This book changed my life in a profound way. I got very interested into math and physics and spent most of my spare time researching the subject. reading, figuring out, learning. I got very immersed into it. At the time i decided I also need to learn about other religions then the christian God method. So i learned about Islam, hinduism, Buddhism (my personal favorite) and loved and enjoyed the mystical experience of wondering how the world kind of ticked. Eventually i moved on to engineering and pushed the physics and religion out of my head to make way for vast amounts of computer code.
It wasnt till after i was done doing lots of drugs and things and went to A.A and N.A meetings that it came back to me. In N.a and A.A you need a higher power to work the steps. The point of this is to have something bigger then yourself. Most addicts have a huge ego and are very cocky so we need something bigger then ourselves to help us remember that were not "all that" but just people. I was confused about the whole higher power thing and remembered the research i had done about 2 years back. All the things i had learned and began re learning the math and physics. Eventually I decided on a Black hole. Its definitely something bigger and better them myself. its something beautiful and even needed to help shape the universe and make life. so i decided it was the coolest thing i could think of and stuck with it.
Athiest isnt the right word do describe this. i like it to be "scientifically inclined"
