How important is it really?

[androgynouspainter26]

I'm noticing more and more that every famous transgender artist, writer, actor, really anyone is either transitioning after becoming successful or completely passible.  It makes me begin to wonder what the impact of this would be on my own aspirations!  Correct me if I'm wrong, but it stands to reason that even among a mostly accepting crowd there's bound to be a glass celling for those of us who have no choice but to live openly.  I feel like I'm in a cycle right now-I need to be passible so I can make money so I can make my self passible so I can have a career...it's ridiculous really, especially because I'm non-binary, but this still keeps darting through my head.  Sometimes I pass, other times I don't...at any rate, I'm far from being able to just put this whole sorry affair behind me without having some heavy face and chest work done.  I feel like I'm driving myself insane!  Thoughts?

[suzifrommd]

Thoughts?

I know many trans women who do not pass and never will and yet are thrilled with their transitions. Most of them are financially successful and continue to work at prestigious jobs.

The pressure to pass causes anxiety in myself that they don't have. Since I know I CAN pass sometimes, but only if I get all the details right, it makes me sort of paranoid that I got something wrong. Missed a spot with my makeup and beard shadow shows through. Wig is crooked. Patch of skin with body hair exposed, etc.

However, the reactions of people when I know they see me only as a natal female provides a euphoria that is unparalleled among anything else I've ever felt in my life. It's like a drug high, and like that other type of high, it can be very addicting.

[Lana P]

I think it is important to pass. You want people to take you serious as the gender you're switching too. Therefore I think it is very important to pass. For many reasons.

[mrs izzy]

I find confidence is way more important then if you think you are passible. Every single person in the world looks different. So who is to say you pass or do not. If you have confidence in your gender then you are you.

Isabell

[ThePhoenix]

I think the answer depends on the person.  I know some trans* people for whom passing is the worst possible thing that could happen.  I know others for whom passing is the whole point and getting clocked is the worst disaster.

I have to admit it seems like not caring would be freeing.  I, for example, had the recent of experience of going to HRC's national headquarters with another trans* activist to talk about trans* unemployment.  I got clocked as being trans* while there and it really shook me up.  Now think about that . . . I'm at HRC headquarters . . . I'm with another activist . . . And I'm there to talk about trans* issues.  Is there any way to not get clocked in that situation??  So why be upset about it?  Because I am a person who is obsessed with blending into that cis normative world.  Sometimes I wonder if I might be more relaxed and happier if I were one who didn't care about it. 

[Ms Grace]

A gender therapist told me a former client of hers (she never mentioned names or anything) is now living successfully as a woman and no longer acknowledges or says hello to the therapist if she sees her in the street because she doesn't want people to realise she's trans*.

The very first transwoman I ever saw in person was an academic at my university back in 1988, she would have been in her late fifties I guess, and to be honest, if someone hadn't told me she was presenting as female I wouldn't have realised. She appeared to my, admittedly unnuanced eyes and ears, to be a pudgy deep voiced man with moobs, a pony tail, tee shirt, jeans and women's flat heeled shoes. But she had a female name and was presenting as female, she was a successful academic and clearly was happy, comfortable and confident being herself. (About a year later I came out to myself and tried to arrange a meeting with her to chat but unfortunately it never happened.)

[Ltl89]

It differs from person to person.  Passing is very important to me.  Sometimes though, the expectations I give myself are really beyond fair.  I'm very hard on myself.  Still, that's not always a bad thing because it can set me up to achieve more than I would have done otherwise.  All in all, I would say to do what's right for you.

If you are talking strictly about the entertainment field, then I would imagine passing probably is very important.  Whether it should be this way or not, the entertainment field is very much focused on looks and image.  Someone who doesn't pass would find it hard to breakthrough with all that pressure, especially since there is a bunch of non-trans expectations for entertainers.  There are those who can find their niche and break conventions, but it's a bit more difficult to do that in a field that can be very shallow with visuals.  Having said that, the most respected people in artistic crowds are those who go against the grain.  You never know. 

[Tristan]

Passing us important depending on your age, goals, location etc. if you want to work around kids in the south. You probably need to pass.

[Jessica Merriman]

Passing to myself is the only person I worry about. As long as I am true to myself who cares what others think. I am a confident woman full of self worth and finally free.

[Euterpe]

I think, in regards to having a career in the arts really depends on if you're performing for how passable you need to be for people to not discriminate against you. I understand your worries of not being able to make a name for yourself as an artist and pursue your dreams, because you feel as if people won't take a trans artist that doesn't pass well enough seriously. I hope I'm not putting words into your mouth... However, I plan on pursuing my career in performing piano as a classically trained musician. There's many musicians around me on a daily basis, and although much of entertainment is so fueled on looks, I see everyday that many of the average people I knew have gone onto be successful artists. I guess what I'm trying to say is that usually when it comes to being an artist, if you are good at what you do, people don't seem to care about what you look like too much, it's only an added bonus if you have a look that captures people's attention positively, not a requirement (except maybe in acting and pop music). Anyway, just based on your profile picture, I'd say you pass just fine, if passing is what you're most worried about.

[Catherine Sarah]

"Passing" is all about "Who you are, between the ears."  Irrespective of gender, if you lack your own self confidence, self respect, identity as a person, you'll get "clocked" simply as that. As who you perceive yourself internally, you'll be perceived externally by others, perhaps even less so, as they don't understand you. This is all part of the non verbal communication/signals/vibes you are sending out about yourself; as a person.

Now add gender to the equation and you've compounded the situation substantially.

Take time out. Get to know the REAL you, deep down inside. Let this grow, mature and radiate outwardly, so there can be NO mistake as to who you really are.

You WILL be pleasantly surprised to find that strong, loveable, compassionate person; and so will everyone else you meet will too.

It's your decision. And it's only one decision away. You can do it now. This choice is yours.

Huggs
Catherine

[ath]

As a musician this same thing bothers me. I'm wondering what's going to become of my stage life and such as I continue to transition. I do at least 3-4 gigs per month, on top of teaching private music lessons and doing some guitar repair work.

I'm starting HRT soon. I suppose how quickly and how big the changes are for me will determine how quickly I start presenting on stage. I'm just worried that I won't get passable enough to go on stage, or that my body will get stuck in some strange middle-spot between genders where I don't pass well as either.

[androgynouspainter26]

Ath,

I know EXACTLY what you mean.  Change happens slowly; It took me the better part of a year to notice anything, though now I'm actually a bit surprised with the results, I'm getting...so there isn't much consistency.  I have a good friend who is an actor; he's had to get by on both female and male parts. 

On the other hand, who knows?  It might do you some good to go onstage as yourself.  Confidence always means a better performance, and while I don't deny that the "trans as a gimmick" attitude is disgusting, people will notice you more, and sometimes that can be a good thing...hang in there though. 

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi ath,

.........  I'm just worried that I won't get passable enough to go on stage, or that my body will get stuck in some strange middle-spot between genders where I don't pass well as either.

Lessons and repair work won't really matter. That can be done on a case by case basis. On stage work will be the biggest challenge, based on which voice you want to project. Certainly guitar straps placed in the wrong way can reveal body developments over time.

Absolute confidence, self respect and attitude will be the influencing factors that will carry your changes off.

Huggs
Catherine

[TerriT]

Passing is important to me, but so is living. The other night I walked in the rain and looked up and smiled and lived my life. It was the best feeling in the world. For that moment I didn't care about my hair and make up and anything else. I was in a busy part of town in the middle of the street. I wanted to fall on my knees and look up and sing.

[Cindy]

Passing is important to me, but so is living. The other night I walked in the rain and looked up and smiled and lived my life. It was the best feeling in the world. For that moment I didn't care about my hair and make up and anything else. I was in a busy part of town in the middle of the street. I wanted to fall on my knees and look up and sing.

That my sister is called passing

[TerriT]

That my sister is called passing

Oh god, I'm crying.

[Cindy]

Oh god, I'm crying.

[TerriT]

Thank you Cindy. I hurt so much. I needed this. I'm overwhelmed. I cry like crazy.

[Cindy]

Honey, You are a very beautiful young woman. Never forget that. And your soul shines through your posts.

Have a nice cry, it's good!!