How important is it really?

[TerriT]

Honey, You are a very beautiful young woman. Never forget that. And your soul shines through your posts.

Have a nice cry, it's good!!

Ok, thank you. Jeez, I was not expecting to break down like this. Thank you for seeing beyond my attitude and stuff. Someday I'll be ok.

[Cindy]

Ok, thank you. Jeez, I was not expecting to break down like this. Thank you for seeing beyond my attitude and stuff. Someday I'll be ok.

Sis, you were born into the wrong body, you have faced the unimaginable horror of being transgender. You are coping with it. You walk a path only other transgender people know. It is one of the hardest paths anyone can walk.

You have had attitude? Who in the goddesses name doesn't?

You are family here and we all love you.

Never ever forget that.

[ath]

Hi ath,
Lessons and repair work won't really matter. That can be done on a case by case basis. On stage work will be the biggest challenge, based on which voice you want to project. Certainly guitar straps placed in the wrong way can reveal body developments over time.

Absolute confidence, self respect and attitude will be the influencing factors that will carry your changes off.

Huggs
Catherine

Hmm, the guitar strap issue hadn't really occurred to me. I'll have to be careful.

I'm not really worried about my voice, since I'm fine with not singing. Right now two of the bands I'm in are just me on keys, and a singer. I do sing lead in one band right now but we are trying to get a dedicated vocalist (I play guitar and keys in that one). I don't know if I'd be able to make myself sound like a female when singing, so until I've worked on it more I'll pretty much just not sing on stage. Unless in boymode. Kind of sucks considering being able to do backup or lead vocals is a nice skill to have.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi ath,

.........Kind of sucks considering being able to do backup or lead vocals is a nice skill to have.

Appears you've placed yourself well in both bands. If the above quote did become an issue, at least for backup vocals, you could play round with auto pitch software to get up to female pitch. The only difficulty with that approach is you'd have to prerecord and mime.

Huggs
Catherine

[ath]

Hi ath,
Appears you've placed yourself well in both bands. If the above quote did become an issue, at least for backup vocals, you could play round with auto pitch software to get up to female pitch. The only difficulty with that approach is you'd have to prerecord and mime.

Huggs
Catherine

Sadly it's not the pitch that's the problem for me. I have a 5 octave range. It's the tone and resonance of my singing voice. Even way high up it sounds male. I suppose I just need to practice singing like a girl more, but so far I don't think I've quite been able to nail the sound. I've gotten a good deal of practice talking with a female voice, and I'd be ok talking on stage, but it doesn't quite transfer over to singing so well.

[androgynouspainter26]

If you have a five octave vocal range, male, female, no matter what you are, you'll get noticed for the right reasons.  I think among artists especially it's more about the voice than the singer.  If you can perform that sort of acrobatics, the only person who'll be judging you is you.

[barbie]

Your life is more important than passing. Passing is nearly meaningless to me.
People just think that I am a man who want to express femininity.
Of course, strangers recognize me as a woman, and that is their business, not mine.

barbie~~

[ath]

If you have a five octave vocal range, male, female, no matter what you are, you'll get noticed for the right reasons.  I think among artists especially it's more about the voice than the singer.  If you can perform that sort of acrobatics, the only person who'll be judging you is you.

You're probably right, I should just say screw it and sing however sounds the best. I've been trying to create a good female singing voice, but it's sort of like learning to sing over again. Trying to sing like a girl seriously cuts back my volume and just power behind it, and it kind of messes with the points I usually switch registers in a bad way. Plus I've noticed it's quite hard on my voice, and I don't want to screw up my total range or just speaking voice by damaging it.

Maybe my female singing voice is fine, but I think I set way too high standards for myself. I'm just a bit afraid of audiences getting scared off or judging me based off of my appearance and voice clashing.

[valsharae]

http://feminizationsecrets.com/should-you-give-up-your-goal-of-passing-as-a-woman/

[barbie]

http://feminizationsecrets.com/should-you-give-up-your-goal-of-passing-as-a-woman/

Yes. The exactly same conclusion I have reached.

barbie~~

[Heather]

It's funny how much time we spend worrying about passing early in transition. A friend once told me when you start living as yourself all the time you stop worrying about passing and just start living. And she was right I can say that you really do get to that point where your just out as yourself and you don't worry about what others think. Life isn't about passing as something it's all about living and being true to yourself.

[Catherine Sarah]

It's funny how much time we spend worrying about passing early in transition. A friend once told me when you start living as yourself all the time you stop worrying about passing and just start living. And she was right I can say that you really do get to that point where your just out as yourself and you don't worry about what others think. Life isn't about passing as something it's all about living and being true to yourself.

THIS.     ^^^^^^^^^^^.  +10

[DiDi]

As someone at the very beginning of this road - for me it really isn't really about not passing, its about being accepted when I don't. I am among the many who want to be liked (or at least tolerated) by everyone. I don't want to be judged harshly or even thought to be a freak. My only option though is to be me and to gradually get used to people seeing and doing what they will. I know I can't control them. I can just be real in real life.

[suzifrommd]

Life isn't about passing as something it's all about living and being true to yourself.

I agree.

But...

When I pass, I am treated differently. I wish I didn't totally bask in being treated by members of my new gender as if I were totally one of them, but it really is like no feeling on earth.

[androgynouspainter26]

Di Di,

I think you don't care as much because you're still earlier into your transition.  When I was just starting out two years ago, it was all about being myself too...but now, I really want to be able to go outside without being dehumanized, pointed and stared at, and sometimes harassed or even threatened.  There is no denying that people treat you differently when they know you are trans, and while I take pride in living openly, it's nice to have a small amount of privacy. When I spend fourty five minutes doing my makeup as opposed to twenty, everyone sees me differently, and I'm really sick of that.

[Shantel]

For some who have a reasonable chance passing is very important, and let me say that If I looked like our girlfriend TiffanyT passing would be very important to me and quite frankly I wish so much that I did.

Then there are those of us like myself who due to genetics, bone structure, years of masculinizing wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of passing ever under any circumstances, then it all becomes an academic study of let's drop the delusion and deal with reality. I have done that and walk out the door every day and interface with other human beings of all stripes and persuasions as just me, the androgynous person. If those of us who fit in that second category refuse to accept that and learn to deal with reality, then sadly they are destined to live in miserable, cringing solitude the rest of their lives. I don't wish that on anybody!

[JesseG]

http://feminizationsecrets.com/should-you-give-up-your-goal-of-passing-as-a-woman/

I admire this attitude, and would like to be there myself someday. However...

I think the focus on passing is not just a question of accepting one's identity, but also of self esteem. The idea that "I don't care what people see me as" is not readily accessible to those of us that are not confident in ourselves. And if you figure out how to get more confidence, let me know, because they were all out at the store when I went looking

I may be ok and even happy with who I am, inside, but how do I break my dependance on acceptance of others? This may just be a personality thing too.

[Shantel]

I admire this attitude, and would like to be there myself someday. However...

I think the focus on passing is not just a question of accepting one's identity, but also of self esteem. The idea that "I don't care what people see me as" is not readily accessible to those of us that are not confident in ourselves. And if you figure out how to get more confidence, let me know, because they were all out at the store when I went looking

I may be ok and even happy with who I am, inside, but how do I break my dependance on acceptance of others? This may just be a personality thing too.

I think what you are saying is true for most people and I highlighted what is really the crux of the problem for most. I suppose that my type-A personality has carried me past that concern and it has been easy for me, though I know it's a very difficult bridge to cross for many.

[Ltl89]

I admire this attitude, and would like to be there myself someday. However...

I think the focus on passing is not just a question of accepting one's identity, but also of self esteem. The idea that "I don't care what people see me as" is not readily accessible to those of us that are not confident in ourselves. And if you figure out how to get more confidence, let me know, because they were all out at the store when I went looking

I may be ok and even happy with who I am, inside, but how do I break my dependance on acceptance of others? This may just be a personality thing too.

The dependency of acceptance from others is what plagues me as well.  All I can say is that I haven't found the cure, but therapy and hard work is helping me make slight improvements more and more.  Though my therapist does mainly gender issues and lately I've been considering seeing a cbt specialist to help "reprogram" my fraidy cat thought patterns, lol.  Have you tried a therapist?

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi JesseG,

I may be ok and even happy with who I am, inside, but how do I break my dependance on acceptance of others?

Congratulations, you've found the key. Be happy with who you are on the inside, and gently lead her to the outside.

One thing I can guarentee. You have absolutely, no chance, of anyone accepting you. That's entirely up to them. You have NO control over that, EVER.

So why waste your time waiting for it? As soon as you bring that inner woman out, the sooner you'll be happy. Start thinking about yourself and work on what you can work on. DON'T worry about anyone else.

They're the facts that will NEVER change.

Huggs
Catherine