When Does/Did The Gender Dysphoria End ?

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

This I guess is for those trans-people (for whom gender dysphoria has/was part of their growing pains) and who have now bitten the bullet and have started to "physically" transition..... or have already transitioned ...

I thought it would be a good way for new and used members to gauge their progress and the possible outcomes....

For me the dysphoria gradually diminished the further I ventured down the path, and on going full time it had gone completely...I was never really dysphoric about my private parts-plus when going full time, nobody*apart from close friends and medical staff* knew what was left dangling between my legs...However genital surgery four and half years after going full time was just the extra icing on the cake....

So a few simple questions:

"When did your gender dysphoria end ?" 

" Was it at the start when you finally decided to transition ?"

"Was it during your transition ?"

"Was it after you had completed your transition (with or without genital surgery) ? "

" Or are you still feeling gender dysphoric (pre or post 'full' transition) ?"

Metta Zenda

[Emo]

Kia Ora,

I thought it would be a good way for new and used members to gauge their progress and the possible outcomes....

Metta Zenda

Couldnt get past this...

[Anatta]

Couldnt get past this...

Kia Ora Emo,

At first I was going to put new and "not so new" or "old" members, but then  "used" popped into my head, after all it means the same thing, so I went with it "used" members it is 

Metta Zenda

[Emmaline]

I feel used.   

[Sheala]

and the simple answer in my book..... the dysphoria doesnt end till your transition ends. where ever that may be along the way. it lessens the closser you get, but not untill you end does it end.

[TerriT]

For me, the further I go, the worse it gets. I expected the opposite. Now, things that didn't matter suddenly trouble me. I am far more critical of my appearance and mannerisms. I feel more exposed. I have not conquered my dysphoria. Every time I think I have overcome something, there is another bigger challenge.

[suzifrommd]

Anatta, I'll have to admit I don't relate strongly to the dysphoria part of the trans experience.

My dysphoria didn't start until I began to transition.

I know that sounds strange. Let me explain.

I've wanted to be a woman, but assumed it was quite impossible. I accepted that desire as a beautiful part of myself and it never especially bothered me.

I began my exploration because I was dissatisfied with my social life. I was a married male who seemed only to find satisfaction in friendships with women. It was getting harder and harder to make friends.

It was only after I started learning about transgender and meeting women who had transitioned that the sense of possibility started driving me toward transition.

That's when my dysphoria started. Once I started thinking life a a woman might be possible, the idea of spending the rest of my life as a man suddenly seemed unendurably bleak. Any reminder that passing as a woman would be difficult or that I was not yet a woman or might never be one, would give me a jolt of unhappiness. I also grew increasingly frustrated that people wouldn't see me for the woman that I wanted to be until I transitioned and came out to everyone.

I've been living full time for six months now. When I'm out and about as a woman, my social dysphoria has disappeared. I still get body dysphoria a lot. The fact that I'm still pre-op bothers me many times a day, as does the fact that my upper body hair (and my ineptness at removing it) prevents me from baring my shoulders or collar area. I also hate the fact that I'm dependent on a wig to pass because my upper face would give me away and my MPB will never be gone. When I see women for whom these will never be a problem, I get a stab of jealousy. Not sure that this is dysphoria. Nearly all women are unhappy about some aspect of their looks, so this may just be my feminine side shining through.

[Catherine Sarah]

Well for this well "used" member, it was post op when the bandages were removed. I entered a new dimension. GID was finally cured.

Huggs
Catherine

[Jessica Merriman]

My Dysphoria monster has gone from Godzilla down to a pony so far. It is easing since seriously starting the transition process. Being part time now, it is getting harder and harder to appear as him and I see full time coming up faster than I thought it would. Mine is lessening, but I am still committed to GRS and will not stop until "whole".

[KittyKat]

Just started HRT yesterday, so I still have dysphoria but the whole all consuming I need to start hormones to live thing has calmed down. I have to play the waiting game for awhile now.

[Jessica Merriman]

I have to play the waiting game for awhile now.

Isn't that the truth sister! Coming out was not as hard as waiting.

[TinaMadisonWhite]

For me, dysphoria pretty much ended the minute I accepted my gender.

I had struggled a lifetime with my gender.  Since as early as I can remember, I naturally identified with women and struggled to connect to men.  Until I was 50, I defined victory as "manning up" and as "conquering my gender".

One night, after a particularly scary bout of depression, I decided that the issue was my definition of victory.  Victory, I concluded, lay not in conquering my gender, but in learning to accept and embrace it.

That night was like walking into daylight for the first time in my life.

I still struggle with a lot of things, but the focus has shifted.  I no longer struggle with self-loathing and identity.  I struggle with physical and social issues:  What do I feel I need to change physically to feel more comfortable?  What do I need to do if I want to be more accepted socially?  What am I willing to compromise for acceptance?  What do I not want to compromise?

These are all very big issues that will probably preoccupy me for a lifetime.  But I think of them less as gender dysphoria and more as a part of the human condition.

[That said, I am counting the hours until my SRS in March with Dr. McGinn.  Yippee!]

[Tristan]

for me it ended after srs. BUT... the first two weeks after surgery i was scared and cried alot cuz i was worried what if i dont recover well. after that it was 95% gone and at 8 weeks the first time i made love with my boyfriend 100% gone.

[Tanya W]

For me, the further I go, the worse it gets...Every time I think I have overcome something, there is another bigger challenge.

While I have not transitioned in a way that aligns with our conventional sense of this word (and I will resist going into this here!), I have made a number of shifts in order to find some congruence between 'inner' and 'outer', if you will. While each of these has earned me some relief from dysphoria, each simultaneously seems to increase the stakes.

The further I go, in other words, the more sensitive I seem to become to any dysphoric experience. I take one step and feel way better. Eventually, however, something happens that kicks up dysphoria again and I feel way worse - more depressed, hopeless, isolated, angry than ever.

For me at this point, it's like Tiffany: every time I overcome something, along comes another, bigger challenge.

[Adam (birkin)]

Keaira and I had a discussion sort of like this. She said "so what happens if you get a penis (the last surgery I plan to have), and you realize it's not that great and you're not happy? Then what?" (she's a sweetie, she told me later she asked me that because she didn't want to have to worry that I might off myself). In other words, she was asking me what happened if I was still dysphoric when all of this was said and done. I told her I'd just reach a point where I accepted that I had done all I could. If chest surgery and bottom surgery leave me with some to be desired, I see that as a natural stopping point. Why have more surgeries and procedures to make myself feel better, at that point? So my dysphoria would end with me accepting that my body isn't like other men and finding a way to love it anyway.

Of course, someone could ask "well why even have surgeries then, if you'd reach a point where you would have to learn to love yourself anyway?" To which I'd respond, leaving obviously female characteristics there isn't an answer. And I wouldn't have taken all the steps I could realistically take.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

There's some truth to what's known in Buddhism as the  second Noble Truth "The Cause of Dissatisfaction/suffering" is "craving" or "aversion"...

Craving(the wanting more/ wanting better/ wanting things to happen faster) or aversion (not wanting this or that to happen) does seem to be the big bugbear when it comes to transition...

Metta Zenda

[Ltl89]

I'm still early in my transition, but there is still a great deal of dysphoria.  It's actually getting stronger the more progress I make.  I suspect it's because I'm so sick of waiting and am feeling anxious to be where I'd like to be.  With that said, I'm still in boy mode.  Maybe once I get the courage to start presenting the right way I'll feel a tad less dysphoric. 

Something tells me though that I will always experience gender dysphoria.  There are limitations to my transition and I'll always feel jealous towards cis women to some degree.  This is only a prediction, but I suppose my dysphoria will always pop up when considering things like my past and my inability to get pregnant and some other physical or social difference. 

[mrs izzy]

When Does/Did The Gender Dysphoria End ? For me it started to end a few weeks before my GCS was done. When i started the dilations and seen my down bits for the first time it hit me with great relief.

Not everyone has the same experence as i have. Not everyone will every be happy. I went into the GCS with realistic expectation that it is just that Gender Confermation Surgery. Nothing more, nothing less.

Everyones who has dysphoria has to do what they feel is needed to make it less and hopefuly to the point of no longer a issue. Each step is done for its benefit not just to be done because it how others did there.

Your own steps in your own time will be its own end.

Keep lookng forward
Hugs
Izzzy

[Adam (birkin)]

Kia Ora,

There's some truth to what's known in Buddhism as the  second Noble Truth "The Cause of Dissatisfaction/suffering" is "craving" or "aversion"...

Craving(the wanting more/ wanting better/ wanting things to happen faster) or aversion (not wanting this or that to happen) does seem to be the big bugbear when it comes to transition...

Metta Zenda

I've often thought about this concept in relation to transition. One of the classes I worked in has us reading excerpts from Buddhist texts. And I've wondered if there would be a way to find ourselves less attached to transition-related things. It's sort of hard to say...if we could do that entirely then what would be the purpose of transition?

[amber1964]

Nice to know Im not alone. Mine gets steadily worse as my appearance has improved. Im facing the harsh reality that it will never be over. Just one more obstacle I guess, but this one will likely prove fatal for me. Im done talking about it to and I hate therapy. Peace is not what the goddess had in mind for me in this life.