There are so many therapists who do not have our best interests at heart, that I think it might be helpful to compile a list of "red flags" that a gender therapist is inappropriate and that someone should stop seeing them. Here is what I have so far. Note that everything on this list has either happened to me or to someone who posts on this site.
Are there any you would add? Any that you would remove or change?
* They don't seem knowledgeable about transgender. They don't know simple vocabulary or don't seem to have an understanding of the steps of transition.
* They ask you to "prove" your gender issues by artificial gestures and exercises before they offer support or a referral for moving your transition forward.
* They express concern about how your transition might violate religious principles, when you didn't raise such concerns.
* They express an opinion of whether you are or aren't transgender that seems at odds with what you think to be true.
* They state or imply that you aren't physically or mentally fit to transition or to take some step involved in transition.
* They express a negative opinion of or attribute negative characteristics to transgender or gender non-conforming people.
* They seek to dissuade you from transitioning or taking steps to transition, beyond simply pointing out facts that you don't already know.
* They raise their voice, use disrespectful language, or treat you in a disrespectful manner.
* They don't use your preferred gender pronouns or name.
* They dismiss or disparage your gender concerns.
* They seem overly focused on your sexual history, or in what sexually arouses, stimulates, or satisfies you.
* They imply that the absence or presence of some symptom or experience precludes your being transgender. Or, conversely, they insist that the absence or presence of some symptom or experience definitively labels you as transgender.
* They discourage you from finding allies, doing research about gender identity or transition, or disclosing information about your gender or transition.
* They make statements about transition you know to be false or express certainty your transition will be unsatisfactory.
* They withhold or refuse material support, such as a referral letter, for some step in your transition when you need for it.
* They chastise you or threaten to retaliate for seeking help from another professional. Or they discourage you from seeking a second opinion on advice they've given you.
* They state or imply that you are not competent to make decisions about or to carry out your care but don't cite a specific psychological diagnosis of a severity that would warrant such an implication.
* They are more interested in the well-being of the people around you than yours.
* They state or imply that transitioning would necessarily be harmful to children in your life.
* They express outdated views such as that being transgender results from a need for sexual gratification, from unhappiness, abuse/neglect as a child, your relationship with your parents, or >-bleeped-<, or state or imply that they consider it a psychological disorder or mental illness.
* They claim you can be cured of being transgender.
* They are uninterested or uncomfortable when you discuss the feelings or circumstances surrounding your gender identity or transition.
