The woes of passing well

[louise000]

As for community, I call this (susans/other forums) the "online" community. 

Susan's is a great forum and I have learned sooo much in a short time and it's been great to discover that there are so many others like me throughout the world. Yes it is a community, but it's surely a transient one, a bit like a bus with some  people travelling all the way to the destination, others getting on and off throughout the journey. Makes life interesting!
Sorry if this post is a little off topic.
Louise

Edit: Fixed quote source - Melissa

[asiangurliee]

The trans community does exist. A lot of trans people might not participate in it, but that's their choices.There are transsexuals who have transitioned but still visit the trans community and do things on behalf of trans people.   

[gothique11]

I wrote a post like this a while back: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,8045.msg57704.html#msg57704. When I wrote it, I too was getting frustrated at the community for thinking I had it SOOO easy.  Well, that was about 4 and a half months fulltime.

  Now I tend to be a fast learned and pick things up well.  Eventually, I figured out the socialization stuff and at this point, I feeling I'm starting to get caught up for a woman my age.  I can wing most situations now.  As to worrying about whether I pass or not, it's not even a consideration anymore.  I kept testing myself more and more to see how much I could push the boundaries and I found I could do it just about as far as I wanted to.  I just know I'm taken as female and so I just be myself.  Many times I end up just so happy for no other reason than the relief I feel to finally be taken as the right gender.  I try not to put myself in situations where being pre-op would be a danger to me now.  By the way, I know I'm seen as female in all situations because I did *my* version of the RLT >, which is much more intensive.  The intensity I put into it was to help build my confidence and that's exactly what happened.  However, I can't help but to frequently keep pushing that envelope just a bit further.

Some of the last things I've done are that I'm in a musical (with singing and everything) in stealth.  I've done some very masculine things in stealth like worked on my car with no makeup on and I was still addressed as a woman.  At the auto parts stores, guys didn't treat me like I was stupid because it was obvious I knew what I was talking about, but they did flirt (which happens somewhat frequently), so I know I was seen as female.  Actually, I'm not sure why those guys treat me with respect as opposed to other women; perhaps it's my confidence.

Anyhow, my point is that learning a new role can seem a bit daunting at first, but as you adapt to it and learn the ins and outs, life becomes much easier.  Being TS is hardly a huge issue for me anymore.  I have to admit that I'm scared that anybody will see my genitals (will be rectified soon), but other than that I love my life and I'm glad I pass.

I think when you start running into these issues of the TG community not being so accepting, it's time to take off those training wheels and start learning to balance more by yourself.

Thank you for writing that.

Posted on: July 26, 2007, 11:54:49 AM

Exactly my point that it may seem to have "woes" at first, but soon you realize those are really just aspects of being a female.  Remember, with the good comes the bad.  You can not have the yin without the yang.  In other words, you can't know how good something is unless you have something to compare it to, so for every good aspect of being female, there will be a bad one as well.  I guess I'm just feeling a bit philosophical at the moment.

I totally agree.

Posted on: July 26, 2007, 11:57:49 AM

My very first maam came barely four months into HRT, when I was wearing frumpy male-ish clothes, soaked from the rain, and depressed and down as I could be... and a store attendant stopped me from going into the men's dressing rooms.

I realized it was time to go fulltime when I showed up for two seperate dentist appointments in what I call my "dentist clothes," meaning old stuff I didn't mind getting bloody and icky. Oversized top, old jeans... hair tucked back to not get it dirty, no makeup (I never wear it)... and the receptionists at both places kept asking, "WHAT did you say your first name is?" (my male name is on the insurance).

AND YET... we hired a new guy monday, so I made SURE I got all fixed up nicely. No makeup still, but I was sure my hair was perfect, put on nice clothes, feminine dangling earrings... and the guy (may have) clocked me in two seconds (though there's some debate over this now, lol).

My life is one big irony though, so none of this surprises me, lol. I really am a jeans and T-shirt kinda girl anyway, so it's fine by me...

~Kate~

Funny how it works out, eh? At first it's almost too good to be true, and you keep thinking, "are they blind?" But then you realize, that people just start seeing you for who you are.

My friend actually had something similar to you -- she planned on going "full-time" much later, but after being on HRT for 4 months, she started getting ma'am'd and sorta slid into being full-time.

I think it just happens when you are comfortable with yourself and not worrying how people perceive you.

[louise000]

My life is one big irony though, so none of this surprises me, lol. I really am a jeans and T-shirt kinda girl anyway, so it's fine by me...

~Kate~

And why not, Kate, that's what many girls of your age wear habitually anyway. I'm sure from other things you have said about yourself you can get away with that fine. Now when I'm wearing tee shirt and jeans I look just like......a guy!!
Best wishes, Louise

[Nero]

By the way, I know I'm seen as female in all situations because I did *my* version of the RLT >, which is much more intensive. 

And what might *your* version of the RLT be?

[Melissa]

By the way, I know I'm seen as female in all situations because I did *my* version of the RLT >, which is much more intensive. 

And what might *your* version of the RLT be?

Just read my posts over the course of the past year.   I'll just say that there's not much left to do as a female that I'd been wanting to do at this point.

[Rachael]

i think i agree with the ashamed thing... nomatter how pretty you are, your scared of being thought of as a 'guy in a dress' or some man homosexualifying (woot new word) predator by social steriotypes. maybe we fight so hard to pass, and worry about it, is because society is so ->-bleeped-<- stupid, that they can call someone with a female body, a man. Afterall, we cant see the mind. I got outed to my housemates boyfriend the other day, she had forgotten and thought he knew, and mentioned something. im still embaraced to be seen by him, because of what i know he knows... i was told he was like 'omg shes a what?' he doesnt care what i was born, but i care, im ashamed, of what i was, how i came to be.

[Sophia]

By the way, I know I'm seen as female in all situations because I did *my* version of the RLT >, which is much more intensive. 

And what might *your* version of the RLT be?

Fighting ninjas and killing dragons?



Posted on: July 26, 2007, 10:18:36 PM

i think i agree with the ashamed thing... nomatter how pretty you are, your scared of being thought of as a 'guy in a dress' or some man homosexualifying (woot new word) predator by social steriotypes. maybe we fight so hard to pass, and worry about it, is because society is so ->-bleeped-<- stupid, that they can call someone with a female body, a man. Afterall, we cant see the mind. I got outed to my housemates boyfriend the other day, she had forgotten and thought he knew, and mentioned something. im still embaraced to be seen by him, because of what i know he knows... i was told he was like 'omg shes a what?' he doesnt care what i was born, but i care, im ashamed, of what i was, how i came to be.

For me its more afraid then it is ashamed. I'm scared that people are going to mistreat me or hate me for something that is in my past. If I'm around someone who's perfectly accepting of my transsexuality then I don't feel any real shame about it at all. Its only when I suspect that someone is bigoted or sees me as a threat that I freak out about people knowing.

[Melissa]

By the way, I know I'm seen as female in all situations because I did *my* version of the RLT >, which is much more intensive. 

And what might *your* version of the RLT be?

Fighting ninjas and killing dragons?

LOL, I did get a Katana during the past year and I have been battling with my divorce.

[Rachael]

i have airsoft assault weaponry i use regularly.
do i sense a disturbing trend in pain here?

R

[Sophia]

By the way, I know I'm seen as female in all situations because I did *my* version of the RLT >, which is much more intensive. 

And what might *your* version of the RLT be?

Fighting ninjas and killing dragons?

LOL, I did get a Katana during the past year and I have been battling with my divorce.

SWEET.

MayIgetsomedragonscalespleasepleaseplease?

*runs in circles*

[Melissa]

SWEET.

MayIgetsomedragonscalespleasepleaseplease?

*runs in circles*

Sorry, my scale only weighs humans.

[mallard500]

SWEET.

MayIgetsomedragonscalespleasepleaseplease?

*runs in circles*

Sorry, my scale only weighs humans.

Darn... so Elves are out then, eh?   

Scott

[Melissa]

Darn... so Elves are out then, eh?   

Scott

I don't know, it might work for that.  It was never mentioned in the manual and I haven't tested that yet.

[Sara]

Hi Nat, I like what Deb said about men only caring about the boobs and stuff and she is right, they are only interested in one possibly two things. Men are good at conning you into thinking they are nice but then its all an illusion.

A funny thing happened to me when I asked my son what he thought I looked like and he said you look like a guy with makeup on, I could have strangled him. His perception and the guys on the street are so different.

Sara.

[debisl]

Most men I have met can't keep their eyes on my face too long. If you watch for it they will always check out your boobs. When you walk away they will check out your rear. That one is hard to detect, because you can't turn around to catch them.

They will sweet talk you. Wine and dine you, but in the end they are really after one thing. Not all bad!!!!, but I do wish they would try to get to know me before making too many advances. I really need to be comfortable with their thinking before I take the leap past a goodnight kiss.

You don't have to be a raving beauty. You don't have to have big boobs. If you do dress appropriately you will be noticed.

Deb

[candifla]

Funny thing, I can handle the men staring because I know what they're focusing on, but it's when the women stare/check me out... then I'm wondering if my makeup is wrong, i've been clocked, or they're lesbian. I can handle lesbian, i'm all for that, it's the other two i worry.

Why do they stare?

[debisl]

Candi women stare just to see if you are looking better that they are. It is a comparison thing. We are always trying to look our best.

Men on the other hand want to express their masculinity. Most guys are just teddybears, but some are very rude. But all want one thing. That is to get into your pants. It is a natural human thing. The biggie is how they procede.

Deb

[Rachael]

yeah, women looking is a comparison thing, its like a walking fashion magazine, thier looking to see how that hairstyle looks with that outfit, of how that hairstyle works out practically. or what makeup you used. and just plain inocent social interest in others around. lesbians generally gawk like men do IF thier checking you out, if thier just doing the rest, its not noticeable really. i have no issue with other girls looking at me, i ALWAYS look like a a rock star. >
R

[Sara]

Oh yes, I look at most girls who pass me and think sometimes I wish I had their body or I wish my hair was like that and gee I love those shoes then when they look back at me I just smile and they smile and we go about our seperate things. Lesbians are not all that bad, I am one but I don't look at girls thinking I am going to have them in fact it is the opposite, I like some men but dont think I want them either. God, I think I am A-Sexual.

Sara.