Looking for a life-raft before another boat sinks.

[LittleEmily24]

Hello everyone ~ I'm sure most of you have seen my previous posts and how most of the time they are a bit on the sad or negative or hopeless side... So i thought i'd try something different;

Currently, i can feel myself kind of sinking (hence the boat metaphor) into another possible trench of fear... So i thought i'd maybe post and see if my positivity can be saved before it sinks entirely (hence the life-raft metaphor LOL)... Here is my current dilema...

For the last few days i've been kinda going up and down in my emotions... i've been feeling Ok, and then bad and then good and then bad and then ok and then good... I dont know why i'm having these mood swings... but I've come to feel a bit ugly... ive been waking up hating how I look, hating how my body looks, and not feeling very attractive. I've been trying to keep on the positive side, which is why i haven't sunk yet, I'm still struggling to keep this ship afloat before it sinks and I have to find another boat to steal (aaarrgh)... I can't help but feel like maybe I'm not ideal for transition... like i'm too big already.. my features are too masculine already... I mean most of the time i feel like my face is cute.. and my mom and wife tell me that i have a very pretty face.. but i can't help but feel like its not true.. which is further proven right by the fact that i still get misgendered most of the time and i can't bring myself to understand why... I know my hair is short, but because of laser I have no visible shadow, I have no rigid facial marks... I mean I do think that my face has some developing left to do (which is fine) but I know for a fact that my face does not look male... I mean, maybe i'm delusional, you tell me:



(Keep in mind that i had to click the snap button so I had to kinda lean back in that first one) Sorry if its a bit grainy,I just took these pictures at my computer, no filter whatsoever... I feel hideous. I dont feel cute.. i dont feel pretty... I just feel so underdeveloped... like my time is moving by so slowly... What is it about me that people are just so blatantly misgendering without effort.... my arms arent huge.. my back and shoulders aren't massive.. my legs are quite small and everything is otherwise pretty normal size for an average girl... I mean ->-bleeped-<-... I'm only 3-5 inches bigger than my wife in terms of biceps, waist, hips, chest, thighs.... literally... my wife is 11' biceps, I'm 13', she's 24' thighs, i'm 28", she's 32" chest and I'm 38"... its not like im "obviously male shaped"... .i mean im sure if I get naked its a different story in terms of appearance.... Hell, her waist is the only thing that differs greatly... hers is 26 and mine is 33.. but it is by far anything that could be considered "masculine"... I mean am I losing my mind here? Am i crazy? I dont expect to be 100% passable yet... but for f*** sake, why am I getting misgendered almost 50% of the time? (and keep in mind this is BEFORE i even open my mouth to speak) I mean I even have a SLIGHT waist curvature!... I asked my wife the other day to pay attention to how I walk or how I express my body language... and she told me after "examining" me lol that I am more feminine than HER, and how she hates how I can walk with an upright back and she cant because it hurts her (she slouched a lot as a kid but its nothing extreme )

Someone please help me understand why i see so many other girls who are at the 4/5 month mark... expressing so much positive news... and I have nothing to show for it... sure, i have numbers and results to prove that things are actually happening (my boobs are developing past the aereola FINALLY, and well, my chest shrank dramatically from 45 to 38, and my body hair is beginning to change because I no longer grow thick black hairs in certain places, and they have become those thin yellowish-white hairs that you have to look really close to notice, my skin glows and my face is way more rounded while at the same time being more angular in the jaw area)... i mean honestly the only thing I need now is my hair to be a bit longer and my boobs to get bigger... but even my personal trainer who is cis-female and a TINY 19 year old girl... her shoulder/back to hip ratio is staggeringly masculine compared to mine... her shoulders go way more beyond her hips than mine do.. i'd wager about a little less than half what I have... and yet she is obviously female.

Am i just incredibly unlucky?? Do I just happen to live in the part of Miami where everyone has bionic eyes that can catch every single miniscule detail??? I've seen cis-girls with shorter hair than mine...

even when I'm wearing a dress... i get misgendered... I just feel so "not eligible" for successful transition if my social assimilation is seemingly ignored... it leads me to believe that all the beauty i see developing in the mirror is nothing but an illusion brought on by wishful thinking... Sure i have a defined chin.... but so does Demi Lovato.. in fact, her chin is MORE defined than mine and i dont see people going around wondering if she was born male... ugh...

Here is my current biggest fear: I am starting school soon in a new university... next month ~ I'm afraid that the misgendering is going to follow me everywhere and cause me to feel impossibly self-conscious, and furthermore i feel that my voice might break into male-mode out of survival driven fear brought on by this "oh no they're all calling me him and he and sir and now everyone thinks I'm a guy or knows I'm MAAB, blah blah blah, meltdown" going on in my head...

And dont misread this... I am in no way NOT confident... ive been dressing full time since i started and not once have I ever been afraid of leaving my house because people might "clock" me... but its the FREQUENCY of the clocking that is causing me to believe "apparently, transitioning isnt an option for me... they're always gonna see me as some guy who's pretending to be a girl...." it worries me greatly that I will spend the rest of my life stuck in this painful hole.... is this the andro phase? is this the awkward phase? what the F*** is happening?!?!!?

its funny because... i dont feel self-conscious about my body.. I actually find more and more joy in how my body is developing every single day... but yet i still get looked at as if I was just some cross-dresser... i still get misgendered as if I was just a "teen boy in a girly phase"... i don't know what to do and i don't know how to keep hope alive... I want so bad to be able to make a post about how i'm finally getting gendered correctly or how my male past is finally dissolving and im beginning to feel like another girl... but i have yet to experience the respect i deserve... its like its just NOT happening for me... how can i enjoy my journey if it feels like im just sitting in a rollercoaster car and closing my eyes and using my imagination, when the rollercoaster isnt even moving... at least thats how it feels...

I've been having mini-anxiety attacks for the last 2 weeks because things feel like they have gotten progressively worse.. is this all in my head? I mean what are the odds that I am just truly surrounded by nothing but ->-bleeped-<-s?! Despite how frantic I may have made this post, i don't feel nearly as bad as I felt when i made my last post... this time i just feel incredibly anxious and ANGRY. I'm TRYING to be patient but its like everyone keeps PUSHING my freakin' buttons and pushing me off the edge!!! and then they have the BALLS to tell me "you have to be patient" after already having thrown my self-esteem on the ground and spit on it repeatedly with their misgendering and their back-handed comments =(

[PoeticHeart]

Hi dear! I'm not an expert, but maybe my opinion will help.

First off, you're way more brave than I am at this point. I'm not on HRT, haven't gone out into public 'as a girl', etc. Just the fact that you're doing this everyday is amazing and deserves its own round of applause. Now, let me just say, I think you look fantastic, but it's not really my thought that counts. What's truly important is how you view yourself and that's a hard journey all on its own. If you're wondering about appearances, I think I hold one bit of advice that might help: padding. It's not for everyone and I'm not sure what it'd be like in every day life, but it's tried and true. Padding on the hips can help really define that 'hourglass' look. Passing isn't just about the face, the whole package needs to come together. Again -- this may not be for you, and that's certainly all right.

In terms of the medical side of transitioning, bodies are just different. What might take someone four months to achieve, might take me ten. Our bodies have been so hard wired by testosterone that it may take a while to fix these effects. It's not impossible, as generations of many beautiful trans women have shown. Believe in yourself, stay on track and I believe you will see your results.

Disclaimer: these are just my opinions. I am in no way a medical doctor, or anything akin, and just want to offer some positivity.

[RosieD]

You look lush Little Em. There must be something ditzy about Miami eyes. Have you tried correcting people? If you are only three months in then it is much too early to start assessing where you might end up. Sorry to say but it is a waiting game and a LOT of patience is needed.  Shoulders back, boobs out then look them straight in the eye and snap (or purr or whatever seems appropriate) "it's madam!"

Rosie

[LittleEmily24]

Hi dear! I'm not an expert, but maybe my opinion will help.

First off, you're way more brave than I am at this point. I'm not on HRT, haven't gone out into public 'as a girl', etc. Just the fact that you're doing this everyday is amazing and deserves its own round of applause. Now, let me just say, I think you look fantastic, but it's not really my thought that counts. What's truly important is how you view yourself and that's a hard journey all on its own. If you're wondering about appearances, I think I hold one bit of advice that might help: padding. It's not for everyone and I'm not sure what it'd be like in every day life, but it's tried and true. Padding on the hips can help really define that 'hourglass' look. Passing isn't just about the face, the whole package needs to come together. Again -- this may not be for you, and that's certainly all right.

In terms of the medical side of transitioning, bodies are just different. What might take someone four months to achieve, might take me ten. Our bodies have been so hard wired by testosterone that it may take a while to fix these effects. It's not impossible, as generations of many beautiful trans women have shown. Believe in yourself, stay on track and I believe you will see your results.

Disclaimer: these are just my opinions. I am in no way a medical doctor, or anything akin, and just want to offer some positivity.

thank you for your response... its nice to know that there is at least one place where the beauty i see is supported by others.. I might just make the internet my new home.

I can attest to the whole padding thing, but honestly if I were to start padding, i'd look too big i mean its not that im dying for an hourglass shape, my thought process is as follows:

"I love how I am beginning to look, my body dysphoria is reducing more and more every day, I feel like i look prettier every day... I still have a lot to go, but I KNOW i don't look obviously male now "

*leaves house and goes to a store or the mall or wherever* BLAM! he, him, sir, he, sir, him, he....

Back home: "what the ->-bleeped-<- just happened??? I may be early in transition but i am in NO way obvious... why are people being so abrasively and blatantly rude?!"

I know that passing is more than just the face... but the frequency of misgendering that I get comes off as hard to believe... I mean you would think that they would at LEAST gender me properly out of respect... ugh.. i just dont know anymore.. maybe i need to move somewhere far away and start a new life

You look lush Little Em. There must be something ditzy about Miami eyes. Have you tried correcting people? If you are only three months in then it is much too early to start assessing where you might end up. Sorry to say but it is a waiting game and a LOT of patience is needed.  Shoulders back, boobs out then look them straight in the eye and snap (or purr or whatever seems appropriate) "it's madam!"

Rosie

lol.... dont think i've ever been called lush before  I know its too early to assume i'll never pass or will pass effortlessly... but the unwavering stubborness that surrounds me just makes me feel like im on a hamster wheel: constantly feeling like im getting somewhere but not really getting anywhere. Maybe i should just become an effective bitch and start snapping at people... people dont realize how RUDE it is to call me Sir...

[LittleEmily24]

Hey, H, H, H, Honeypot. You look nothing, N-O-T-H-I-N-G ! like a boy  Relax ! and enjoy the glow. <3 X

that's what im trying to do .. most of the time i DO enjoy it... and that "most of the time" involves me being home with my wife where people can't persuade me to fill with rage... ugh i just wanna be able to leave my house and come back home with a smile on my face... i have yet to have a day where i can leave my house and not expect to get angry. and the most ironically funny part is that on the days where I feel like i'm at my PRETTIEST or like "damn i look hot as F*** today".... are the days where i get MOST misgendered... I mean am i on some kind of reality TV show?

[Foxglove]

Hi, Emily!

Hard to give you advice.  From the photo it's impossible to say why you're so often being misgendered.  Your only feature that I see that looks somewhat masculine is your forearms.  But even there I can't say for sure because photos can be misleading.

One thing that occurs to me: is there someone you know that is willing to be honest with you?  Someone you can trust to be up-front with you, and who you won't get angry with if they start telling you things you don't want to hear?

If so, maybe get out a bit--go shopping or whatever--and have that person tail you, observe you, see if they can figure out why you're being read so often.  There are so many factors that go into passing.  It could be one or two or three little things that are giving you away.

One person I know strikes me as thoroughly "readable" on occasion, mainly because of the way she sits and crosses her legs, but also because of the way she moves in general.  (I've never told her this, of course.  She hasn't asked for my opinion, and I know when to keep my mouth shut.)  Maybe there's something like that.

One thing you said that struck me: you said you're being read even when "you're looking hot".  Maybe you're looking hot in your eyes but perhaps not in other people's eyes.  It seems to me that each individual needs to tailor her appearance to what helps her pass--and that may not be what she'd prefer to wear.

My general strategy is to keep covered up as much as possible. I figure the less people see of me, the better. (I haven't actually considered a chador.  That would be going a bit far.)  But I have long hair, wear long skirts, etc.  I have the advantage of living in a cool climate, so most of the year I can keep well-covered up.  I also have the "advantage" of being an older woman, at an age when nobody's surprised to see someone like me in a long skirt.  You may live in a hot climate, and also a young girl can't wear the kind of stuff an old lady can (even if she wanted to) without drawing attention to herself.

The point I'm making here is maybe you need to work with your appearance to make yourself more passable, which may involve wearing stuff that wouldn't be your first choice.

At any rate, this is what comes to mind.  Whether or not this is actually helpful to you, I can't say.  I understand your problem.  There's often a very fine line between passing and not passing, and it's extremely frustrating if you can't identify the problem.

Best of luck!
Foxglove

[Megan Joanne]

Okay, honestly because that's all you will ever get out of me, otherwise I simply keep my mouth shut, is that I think you are hot and somehow taken a liking to you, so I'm always looking out for your posts to see how you are doing. But critical eye, making myself look for the male features, but just going with feelings on this. First picture, cute and see total girl here with the small hint of a smile, slight radiance of your cheeks, and well as your eye expression. Oh, and that t-shirt looks great on you, good choice in style, makes it so your shoulders don't look so big, but seems to accentuate your boobs (this is a good thing). Second picture, kind of in between, could be seen as male by some but most I don't think would pay you any mind, depends on how you carry yourself, just the posture as well as the angle and expression on your face, brings out the male hardness underneath. Is there supposed to be a third picture in here because I'm getting a small 'x' after the second one?

Don't worry too much about your size, there's a lot of women bigger build than you are, and they carry themselves just fine. Of coarse they don't have any fears that we do about not passing as women because they were born with the correct body to begin with (trying not to bring out too many negatives here, but I know when reading that you'd probably be thinking something like that).

I think you and I have and still are developing the same rate, my looks from what I was before aren't so dramatic either. We both have very slim faces with very little fat distributed around the cheeks, so I don't think either of us are going to get that round, cute rosy cheeked look that is so adorable on others so lucky to have that kind of face. I started on hormones quite some time ago, 2001...damn slow process, kind of like growing up, but trying to in a cramped space. My face barely changed, just got softer and I did have a hard time with it at first, got pointed out a lot by those that were nasty enough individuals to do such a hurtful thing, but I was (mostly) good at ignoring them because I knew I'd turn out fine later down the road. I've grown to like my looks over the years, I got used to looking at me and even though changes were subtle, I look so much better, prettier than before. As for body, at least I don't have mosquito bites for boobies anymore, still small breasted but at least now they giggle, and that took, what 10 years or so. Same with everything else, hips, butt, legs, arms, took many years to come to the shape I am now, and still I look and nitpick myself to death, always seeing the flaws through the beauty.

Okay, better post this now before I pick it apart.

[Ms Grace]

Your boat's going down? Welcome aboard the SS Beauty, ma'am! Seriously, you are a great looking woman. If people are reading/misgendering you I can't see why. You say you are confident in public but maybe that is also having an effect on your posture, gait, vocal tone, interactions? Dunno. Without knowing you in person it's hard to say for sure, but you certainly look great!

[Athena]

I'd count myself truly blessed if I turned out to look as good as you.

[Goldfish]

First picture, cute and see total girl here with the small hint of a smile, slight radiance of your cheeks, and well as your eye expression. Oh, and that t-shirt looks great on you, good choice in style, makes it so your shoulders don't look so big, but seems to accentuate your boobs (this is a good thing). Second picture, kind of in between, could be seen as male by some but most I don't think would pay you any mind, depends on how you carry yourself, just the posture as well as the angle and expression on your face, brings out the male hardness underneath. Is there supposed to be a third picture in here because I'm getting a small 'x' after the second one?

I find that interesting.
For both pictures, I can gender you female. But for the first picture, I can also see you as more andro/inbetween if I try to force my perception. I can't for the second image. So I guess you look more male in the first to me      Trying to narrow it down, I think it might be something to do with your hair? I don't know. But I can't actually see you as male in either.
I'll admit, I'm not too good at gendering people anyway. Like, I see aspects of how someone looks or walks or behaves and just think that that's how they, that person, looks/walks/behaves,etc. Rather than that's a fem/masc way to look/walk/behave. I'm luck as that seems to be a theme where I live. So take my observation with some skepticism    (but not the looking female part, because to me, you really do)
As others have mentioned, it would be something besides how you look. But I remember a recent post about someone misgendering you out of the corner of their eye, while you were standing still, not speaking. (at the gym). So, I dunno.

Are you sure someone hasn't heard about your transition and posted a memo around your city? Because from those pictures, I can't see anything that would allow me to misgender (as in, could use as valid excuse to hide deliberate misgendering), let alone do it by accident.
If you have the money and time, you could try going somewhere else for a day. I remember from a manga I'm reading that a couple of trans kids take a train to the end of the line. When they get there, they find a public toilet and get changed. Then they spend the day going around as a normal couple of children of their gender. So maybe go somewhere that's an hour or so away and see what happens. Could go to a few different shops, buy something cheap like sweets/water and see how the staff address you. See if it's different there.

As for worrying about how people will react at uni, I don't have any actual experience in that area. Even if I did have a story about actually overcoming a situation like that, it might play out differently in your case. Different place, people, etc. But I have thought about what I'm going to do when I'm inevitably misgendered in public, which I would also apply to the uni situation.
It's simple, I would just try and behave like I'm cis. I imagine that if a cisfemale were misgendered, she would try to correct the error with confidence, while being a tad bit irritated or confused. If they insist that X feature is a bit odd on a girl, I would just say 'so what'. I mean, my aunt has a larger than average throat for a woman, how noticeable it is depends on the lighting. When I mentioned concern over mine being a bit large for a woman she just laughed. My mum sometimes has noticeable upper lip hair. I've even heard of some ciswomen being misgendered over something like that and seeking hair removal. I'm sure my aunt or mother wouldn't accept misgendering because of the mentioned things and just sulk away into the men's fitting room or 'admit' to being male, so why should I?
Worst case is that there are a greater number of 'tells' than I suspected and the other party won't budge. Then I might just accept defeat so I can get on with the day. At least then someone who has picked up on the issues has given a list of 'problem areas'. But, as far as I can tell, I'm unlikely to be physically assaulted where I live if it goes wrong.

Anyway, I'm sorry that the people where you live seem to be blind A-hats with ridiculously strict ideas about female bodies. I really hope it gets better and that people at uni are much more respectful. 'cause the crap you're getting doesn't seem justified, at least not by your looks 
*hug*

Naomi

[Megan Joanne]

Are you sure someone hasn't heard about your transition and posted a memo around your city?

I had also thought about this too. This based on something one of my neighbors said to me that was supposedly told to him from some other guy about me being a dude. So I wouldn't be surprised if more knew or suspected. And you know what, I don't care. They can think whatever they want, so long as they keep to themselves.

It's simple, I would just try and behave like I'm cis. I imagine that if a cisfemale were misgendered, she would try to correct the error with confidence, while being a tad bit irritated or confused. If they insist that X feature is a bit odd on a girl, I would just say 'so what'. I mean, my aunt has a larger than average throat for a woman, how noticeable it is depends on the lighting. When I mentioned concern over mine being a bit large for a woman she just laughed. My mum sometimes has noticeable upper lip hair. I've even heard of some ciswomen being misgendered over something like that and seeking hair removal. I'm sure my aunt or mother wouldn't accept misgendering because of the mentioned things and just sulk away into the men's fitting room or 'admit' to being male, so why should I?

My mom has  told me all too many times about my worries on my adam's apple, telling me that even one of my aunts, being born a woman, has a little bit of a bump there like an adam's apple sticking out. It's still very unsightly, and has given me away in the past, and probably still does. Sometimes I worry too much about just a few itty bitty hairs on my upper lip or other part of my face before going out, my mom once again has to remind me that there are plenty of other women out there with a lot more hair on their face than me.

I still wonder how I'd handle a situation now if someone confronted me or harassed me about not being a woman, that I was a man. In the past I didn't do to well with those type of encounters. Again I say, damn adam's apple, if it weren't for that little detail I wouldn't even need to worry about that bit of phobia.

[LittleEmily24]

Thanks for the responses everyone, I really appreciate the compliments <3... I actually feel better now after having gone to the Apple store to see if my phone can be fixed, and being gendered correctly without issue... maybe i just hit an unlucky series of coincidences in the last 2 weeks =/ but yeah, i was gendered correctly at the apple store despite having set up the appointment as "othername", and got very minimal "omg what is that" gawks, despite feeling like i was looking like ->-bleeped-<- lol. The irony is incredible -_-.

Speaking of irony... after having dropped my phone from high areas, having gotten it wet, left in hot and cold conditions, gotten sand on it, gotten food or stains on it, dented it, landed on it, and having thrown it at a wall in anger.... my phone was killed by a little spill from less than a foot of height -_- talk about an ironic day.

As for my misgendering being a result of other external things not related to appearance ~ let me just say that i'm always on the lookout for little details of femininity, and even when i feel like im doing everything perfect, i am always open to interpretation for bettering myself. Having said that, my wife and maybe one or two friends who aren't keen on sugar coating, they usually let me know when im doing something "not very lady like", and it hasn't come to my attention since maybe the first month and a half when i started HRT/presenting full-time, but I mean, i've seen cis girls acting so manly and still being gendered properly... so im just gonna chalk it up to the fact that its miami and people are superficial as hell and maybe i should just dye my hair pink so i can psychologically fool myself into thinking "hey, they are staring at me because my hair is such a crazy color ".

Anyway, thanks for all the responses and compliments, i read every single one and i wish i could respond to each one individually, but with the untimely death of my phone, i'm limited to computers so i'll probably respond to each of  you tomorrow xD I decided to go to my usual karaoke place to see if i can lift my spirits ~ the manager and bar tender girls know me there and treat me as another female so it will be some mild comfort at least. I wish i could say that maybe someone spread around a memo about me lol I mean my entire graduating class knows i'm trans (my highschool was very small at the time and everyone knew eachother since elementary school =P) but they are surprisingly not the ones misgendering me, its everyone else in this town that was doing the deed >_< maybe hispanics are just too stubborn to look past their conventional ways. I mean this one time i got up out of bed wearing the cutest little blue shirt and owl print pj shorts, put on some pink sandals I have and went to walk my dogs... now, from behind you could never tell if I'm male or female, but if you were going by what I was wearing you would assume im female because my legs are shaved, my arms are shaved, my skin is glowy and smooth and my back isn't very broad anymore, the only thing is that my hair is a bit short, but from the back it can look like any cis-girls hair.... this cuban old couple pulled up to me and literally had the nerve to "sir" me in spanish...

some people are just adamant about their conventional ways.. and having been hispanic all my life and living around hispanics all my life... hispanics are among the biggest offenders of old fashioned archaic conventional thinking -_-

But anyway, rambling aside, thanks again for all the responses and compliments, you have all once again saved me from myself <3<3<3<3

[LittleEmily24]

And you know what, I don't care.

and you shouldn't, because honestly ~ you look fabulous... and i'm not just saying that lol if I saw you on the street i would never dare assume you weren't cis

So far i haven't received any harassment about being trans, mostly just rude misgendering and gawking... and the occasional uneducated prick from my past outing me loudly and treating me like im just some guy in a dress, telling me to "shake his hand like a man"... ugh... idiot. If it's any consolation, i can't see an adams apple in your pic or in the pic you use to have 0_o

I actually tell my wife "i dare someone to get fresh with me about my gender status, watch me go cleopatra on their ass and set them on fire!"
anyway, don't know where i'm going with this but just thought i'd let you know that I think you're gorjjjjjj

[Jessica Merriman]

Emily you look fine to me. You have an honest smile and it totally feminizes you even more. I have days, OK, weeks where I think I pass like an elephant in a chicken house, but I love myself and that is all that matters to me. You are adorable! 

[LordKAT]

The only thing that kind of looks male is your chin. You are really very pretty though.

[Ginny]

If you have the money and time, you could try going somewhere else for a day. I remember from a manga I'm reading that a couple of trans kids take a train to the end of the line. When they get there, they find a public toilet and get changed. Then they spend the day going around as a normal couple of children of their gender. So maybe go somewhere that's an hour or so away and see what happens. Could go to a few different shops, buy something cheap like sweets/water and see how the staff address you. See if it's different there.

I like this idea very much.  It could be that a lot of people in your area just know you as you due to you starting your transitioning there and being unabashed about the whole process. For that I congratulate you, because that can be quite challenging in communities where lots of people know each other. Luckily I was a very reserved person who went mainly unnoticed and it took management three months to figure out what was going on, even though all the employees in my unit knew.

Also, I'm not sure which university you are going to, but usually its a time when a lot of people are expiramenting and trying new things.  I don't think others will even bat an eye at your transition, and its very likely you'll be gendered correctly there.  The most trouble I have found is with older people that know me.  Anyone under 40 didn't seem to have a problem at all and quickly made the switch from Josh to Jenny. Plus you have people freaked out about courses, freaked out about joining pledge houses, freaked out about if they'll fit in, then those who are just there to party and are pretty much permanently drunk or high, antisocial people, and the list goes on and on.  I bet college is going to be wonderful for you.  And just try and not revert back to your maleness as a survival mechanism.  Just correct the person by saying "Sorry, but I'm a girl/woman",  "How rude...", Usually they'll stay the corrected way because you affirmed yourself to them.

[JordanBlue]

I mean am I losing my mind here?

Quite possibly.  You look amazing.  100% passable.
yet another post that makes me walk away from this forum shaking my head.

[Joan]

Hi Emily

I'll echo what everyone has written and say that I think you look great

I'm at the 5 month point as well, and along the way there have been a couple of really serious downs where I've worried so much about progress and passability, and just how I'm going to turn out on the other side of all this. Each time I've managed to stay afloat and start swimming again., and I expect a few more downs in the future.

I think it takes time for so many things, not just physical changes, to fall into place. We'll get there in the end

[Hideyoshi]

I would almost guarantee you that the only reason why you would be clocked is because your hair is short. Once it gets long I don't see how you'd have any issues, so just give it time

[LordKAT]

Can I paint rainbows on your life raft? Pretty psychedelic ones?