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The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread

Started by Cindy, June 22, 2014, 09:06:08 PM

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ChrissyRyan

Quote from: davina61 on August 14, 2024, 08:03:37 AMA bear walks into a bar and says can I have a pint mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-------------------------------------and a packet of crisps and the barman said whats with the big pause.

Hahaha
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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davina61

Winner of the Edinburgh fringe festival one liner. I was going to sail around the world in the smallest ship but I bottled it.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
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big kim

There's an Irishman moved in next door
Oh really
No O'Riley
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Lori Dee

My Grandpa was sitting on a leather couch.

He asked, "What is this made of?"

Me: "It's hide."

Grandpa: "What?"

Me: "Hide!"

Grandpa: "What do you mean?"

Me: "Hide! Hide! You know, the cow's outside."

Grandpa: "I don't care if it is. Who the heck is afraid of a cow?"
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete - Started Electrolysis!

An ancient prayer:
"King Zeus, grant us the good things, whether we pray for them or not, and keep from us the bad things, even if we pray for them."

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SoupSarah

How many tickles does it take to tickle a squid? TenTickles.

Want to hear a potassium joke?
K

Do you know any good jokes about Sodium Hypobromite?

NaBrO

I'd tell you another chemistry joke but all the good ones argon.
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough

Please Note: Everything I write is my own opinion - People seem to get confused  over this
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Devlyn

Ukraine is crushing Wildberries to make Putin whine.
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big kim

I didn't see you at camouflage practice yesterday Smith
Thank you Sir
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Devlyn

What did the wooden fence say to the backyard?

I'm board.
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Lori Dee

Another chemistry joke for SoupSarah:

Little Timmy took a drink; alas, he'll drink no more.
For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete - Started Electrolysis!

An ancient prayer:
"King Zeus, grant us the good things, whether we pray for them or not, and keep from us the bad things, even if we pray for them."

HELP US HELP YOU!
Please consider becoming a Subscriber.
Donations accepted at: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/SusanElizabethLarson 🔗
  • skype:.?call
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big kim

What's the difference between a coconut and a Yorkshireman?
You can get a drink out of a coconut
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

Lori Dee

"There's a train at 4:04," said Miss Jenny,
"Four tickets I'll take. Have you any?"

Said the man at the door, "Not four for 4:04.
"For four for 4:04 is too many!"
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete - Started Electrolysis!

An ancient prayer:
"King Zeus, grant us the good things, whether we pray for them or not, and keep from us the bad things, even if we pray for them."

HELP US HELP YOU!
Please consider becoming a Subscriber.
Donations accepted at: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/SusanElizabethLarson 🔗
  • skype:.?call
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big kim

Excuse me waiter there's a funny film on my soup.
Would you prefer a musical or a western
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Devlyn

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are all working on a construction site, building a new skyscraper in London. It's lunchtime and they're all sat atop the building. the Englishman opens up his lunchbox to see what his wife has packed him.

"Ugh... Ham and cheese sandwich... again. Im sick of ham and cheese sandwiches, it's the same every bloody day. If I get another ham and cheese sandwich in my lunch box tomorrow I'm jumping off the top of this building."

Next, the Scotsman opens up his lunch box.

"Aackk, jam sandwich... again. I cannee go on like this eating jam sandwiches every day of me life! If I get the same again tomorrow I'm jumping as well."

Next it's the Irishman's turn.

"Ohh for God's sake! Not another egg and cress sandwich! That's the fourth one in a row this week! I'm with you boys, one more egg and cress sandwich and I'm jumping!"

So next day they sit at the top of the building to have lunch. One by one they open up their lunch boxes... The Englishman finds another ham and cheese sandwich, so off he jumps, and splats into the ground below. The Scotsman finds another jam sandwich... Off he goes...Splat. The Irishman, egg and cress sandwich... Splat.

A week or so later later the three widows are talking at the memorial service. The English widow says, through tears, "I still can't believe it, had no idea George hated ham and cheese so much, if only I'd known..."

The Scottish widow says "Duncan did say he was getting a bit bored with Jam, but I didn't realise he hated it that much, I just wish he'd have let me know how he really felt."

The Irish widow says "I... I just don't understand... Paddy packed his own lunch."
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Lori Dee

A new prisoner sat for lunch with some of the old-timers.
One of them looked at his food tray and shook his head. "Hebrews 13:8."

At the next meal, the new prisoner noticed again. The old-timer looked at his food and shook his head. "Hebrews 13:8." He thought maybe that was how he prayed and gave thanks for his meal.

Back in his cell, the new prisoner pulled out his bible and looked it up:

Hebrews 13:8

"Jesus Christ, the same yesterday and today and forever."
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete - Started Electrolysis!

An ancient prayer:
"King Zeus, grant us the good things, whether we pray for them or not, and keep from us the bad things, even if we pray for them."

HELP US HELP YOU!
Please consider becoming a Subscriber.
Donations accepted at: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/SusanElizabethLarson 🔗
  • skype:.?call
  •