TL;DR - I'm approved, y'all's views are nice and still largely beside the point
Should is always such a fun question. Much as I would love to pass as female and I certainly could, I'm mostly presenting somewhere in the non-binary and content with my choice, more on that below
Being "allowed" gender confirmation surgery suggests it's a privilege that I have to earn the naughty bits I might have otherwise been born with. I'd rather put it as I'm approved - by the only people who matter, 2 pshrinks and two different surgeons who have accepted me for GCS, a 3rd is waiting for my consult to be approved.
I'm also accepted by my gf of 18 years who's never been a fan of transition, my daughters and by the people who are my friends and co-workers. I'm glad the gf has finally come around, it's been dysphoria inducing that she's always accepted me as a cross dressed chick at home and not accepted me as a woman, objected to medical transition.
When I brought up the need for a surgery letter with my psychiatrist she was concerned primarily on technical grounds - my insurance company policy document implies that RLE includes passing for 12 months in all contexts. I was completely down with an RLE - I feel for me it's both feasible for me and a good process to ensure I'm emotionally prepared for what would follow - I'm also clear that WPATH 7 allows for non-binary presentation.
So my therapist wanted a consultation with someone more experienced in gender identity, I had the referrals for that the next day and had selected someone I liked a couple days after that. She said right off the bat "yes, even the WPATH 7 language is outdated, let alone the insurance language"
If course we had to run through a couple of months of getting 2 pshrinks' schedules to align and another couple of months for #2 to evaluate.
As of Friday I have her draft letter, like what she wrote etc, here's the she sums up my presentation.
"qualifies for a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria. She presents as organized and capable, and as having undergone a long process of self-examination and self-expression regarding gender identity. She presents visually primarily as male, with a beard and a receding hairline, but also with feminine accents. She has long experienced doubts about being able to pass as female, and describes herself as making do as non-binary in gender presentation, but nonetheless wanting to more fully occupy her female identity, to be treated socially as a Woman, and to have her body as congruent as possible with her gender identity."
That is all that needs to be said about it. I actually identify as binary female, I've tried going off hormones to see if I could be comfortable cycling between feminine and masculine at the endocrinole layer and that didn't work at all.
To the question posed and many views posted since, I will be presenting somewhere in between male and female
Electrolysis: I don't have the resources, or at least wouldn't choose to spend tens of thousands of $. Pretty clearly my body hair is also not being fully eradicated by HRT so I'm resigned to being an hirsute chick
FFS would be covered but the time I'm going to have to take off work as a self employed person for GCS is bad enough
I'm half bald, that's not changing and wearing a wig in my professional work isn't physically possible
I don't care to present one way at work and another elsewhere, inconsistency in presentation has been an element of my dysphoria - dressing at home only actually makes me feel worse.
One thing I've found troubling in this thread is a repetition of the idea that anyone's opinion outside of mine and my health care providers even matters. These have come along with fairly strong misrepresentations of the WPATH SOC which indicates that flexibility is required.
Certainly access to appropriate care is an important issue and societal views of gender nonconformity ultimately do have an affect on laws enabling or restricting access. As such I find the degree of misunderstanding right here on Susan's.org disappointing.
Personally I'm lucky to live and work in an environment that's both accepting and affords me full insurance coverage for all I need and a lot of things I will choose not to access.
I know that makes me the exception, I try to remember that when difficulties arise.
