I'm going to university in September and haven't come out yet, but want to

[AbcGee]

Hello everyone, I'm new here and really need some advice if you could offer some that'd be great. I'm an 18 year old ftm and will be going to university in September and want to have a fresh start, obviously there's not enough time for me to transition however I hope to start. The problem is that i haven't come out to anyone apart from close friends and although i do pass, i look and sound like a 13 year old. I don't have many friends at school because i could never be myself and i dont want this to happen at university. Could someone please give me advice on how to come out and going to university?
Thank you to whoever responds 

[suzifrommd]

Hi AbcGee. Welcome to Susan's. 

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I can't claim any specific knowledge about how to come out at college, other than what other people have said. Here are some things to think about:

* It's an ideal time to transition. You'll meet a bunch of new people who never knew you as a female. Everyone is growing and changing at that age, so if you undergo hormonal changes, no one will be surprised. A lot of 18 year old boys look really young.
* Telling people from your life is pretty easy. Merely say "I need to tell you that I'm transgender and will be living as a male from now on." I did it on facebook and via email, but there are lots of ways to do it. Anyone who gives you a hard time isn't your friend.
* Tell the university administration that you're transitioning. Find out what their policies are. Most universities have them. You can even tell your professors ahead of time to make sure they don't use your female name.

Good luck. I hope this helps. In a few years you'll have been living as a man for awhile and this will all be a distant memory.

[CB]

Most major Universities should have well versed procedures in place for this. They should also be bound by any anti discrimination legislation. Here's what I would do if there's not time to present full time before you start. As soon as you start make contact with any LGBT resources they have and discuss your plans. You should also have an advisor and you need to discuss your plans with them. To cut a long story short you can probably arrange to be addressed by your name and preferred gender in advane of any official changes. You should be able to research some of this before you even arrive. It's likely you could do the switch after perhaps a term or so. 

[dex_paradox]

You should definitely visit the LGBT support center at your school.  I think that'd be a great place to meet some people who are in similar shoes and to perhaps make some really good friends.

[Laura_7]

Well university is a place where you are more likely to find people you have something in common with.
And people are supposed to be no children any more, meaning more social alignment, not throwing around emotions.
So it should be more pleasant.

You might contact a few resources beforehand and talk to them.
There should be lgbt resources there, and there might be a counselor there. You might ask them what kind of support is available, and if there are other trans people, what they did. It might take some overcoming first, but usually people are friendly and like to help.

Well concerning voice and looks, simply know you are not the only one.
For voice, you might have a look here:
nyspeechandvoicelab dot net /transgender/voice-masculinization/

I'd say take the time you need for this all but simply keep at it...


hugs

[Rina]

In general, universities are probably the friendliest places to transition; I am currently studying and will make sure to do so until I am "done" (whatever that is) with transition. People have been extraordinarily friendly and accommodating, with only a few episodes like being misgendered by the otherwise nice woman who registered my legal name change (I mean, what the... I think someone should get sensitivity training). But in general, it has been a great place to transition, perhaps especially because people don't really even raise an eyelid if I'm trying out new things; there is no dress code other than "wear clothes".

Obviously some universities may be different, some may use uniforms, others may be hostile due to religious affiliation or simply because they're in a conservative area, but I daresay that almost anywhere, universities are more accepting places than the surrounding areas. Even here, in famously tolerant Oslo. I have received ugly stares in town, but never on campus.

There are probably a thousand ways to come out or start transition, but for what it's worth, my advice is to make sure to do so while you're studying, regardless of which other choices you make. It will be so much easier than transitioning in a workplace.

Good luck!

[eggy_nog]

I am currently in my 3rd year of uni, and I came out publicly for the start of my second.

My experience has been fantastic really. The way it worked out for me is that clearly all the people in my year doing my course know. But I only got involved with LGBT after I came out. I never mentioned it to people - at the time I hadn't been feminised by hormones, so some people guessed, others didn't. Anyway, my closest friends at uni know, other friends in my course who knew me know, and the rest don't or have guessed.

Overall, I've had a wonderful experience, and I know that despite me being stealth, coming out at university has only been a positive experience, not just the people but also the support from the uni itself

My advice I guess would be to make a plan (if you can) of when you want to come out. If you're considering it now, perhaps you want to just go as yourself right at the start? And join LGBT?

Hope that helps )

PS: I'm MTF, and I see you're FTM, but I doubt it'd be a big difference ^^

[mm]

 AbcGee. I am ftm and transitioned at my university.  I started college as a girl dropped out and restarted at a different university as a girl on the record but started wearing some guy clothes the first day.  Within 6 months I was being seen by most as a guy. Large university are very friendly for the most part; only a couple of times did I have to explain that I dress this way but the enrollment paper say different.