Susan's Place Logo

News:

Please be sure to review The Site terms of service, and rules to live by

Main Menu

Alcoholics and problem drinkers not-really-that-anonymous.

Started by rachel89, July 08, 2015, 05:16:19 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

jaybutterfly

heres one:

When my dysphoria and depression (related to an ex, she broke up with me for not being a girl even though she new I was trans. Then it turned out to be a lie and it hurt me badly) I had a horrendous alcohol problem to cope. Didnt go more than an hour without booze, on one session nearly hospitalized myself with more than 30 units spread over one day. It was then that I realized how out of control it was getting and decided to call it quits till i sorted my life out and got things into a better place.

Now I enjoy periodic home brewing of low alcoholic mead, which I drink on special occassions and the occasional drink (like a liqeur coffee) but I Relearned self control in spite of what some folks shoved in my face that alcoholics can never drink again.

That said, I dont drink much anyway, messes with my sparring
  •  

rachel89

so I am sort of doing okay today, at least with not drinking. I managed to overcome an urge to go get a bottle whisky last night and I am okay for tonight. I am still dreading the next anxiety attack though. 


  •  

Kellam

That's fantastic! Try not to think about the next anxiety attack though, find positive distraction. You've got this.
https://atranswomanstale.wordpress.com This is my blog A Trans Woman's Tale -Chris Jen Kellam-Scott

"You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality."   -Candy Darling



  •  

Swayallday

Quote from: rachel89 on July 16, 2015, 01:47:55 AM
so I am sort of doing okay today, at least with not drinking. I managed to overcome an urge to go get a bottle whisky last night and I am okay for tonight. I am still dreading the next anxiety attack though.

Stay strong<3
These things don't last, the effects of alcohol on your body does, everytime.

My grandfather, father & brothers were all alcoholics. I try not to drink as much because in that aspect I am very much the same as them (keep drinking carelessly)
It's sometimes very hard because my social life tends to revolve around drinking and music generally.
Since quitting all other drugs i've had a period where I grabbed the bottle far too easily.

Working on that :3...
  •  

Stanna

Okay that's great Rachel. Keep taking it one day at a time. You can do this.
  •  

rachel89

So while I have been far from perfect rom the time I started this thread (I don't want to be a hypocrite), My overall alcohol consumption from the time I started my 'quit date" is down from the past few weeks. Before I would drink no less than the equivalent of 3 bottles of 80-proof liquor and sometimes as much as the equivalent of 5.5 bottles in a week. My consumption level is now at 2 bottles in a week. It is far from a healthy level especially considering I can consume a fifth in less than 24 hours. I found another trigger for my drinking is anger. The last episode of drinking was triggered by extreme anger and sadness about being unemployed. I do not think 2 bottles of liquor in a week is in any way healthy, so I realize that I have to find better ways of dealing with my worst emotions than alcohol.


  •  

Laura_Squirrel

Quote from: rachel89 on July 17, 2015, 12:53:03 PM
So while I have been far from perfect rom the time I started this thread (I don't want to be a hypocrite), My overall alcohol consumption from the time I started my 'quit date" is down from the past few weeks. Before I would drink no less than the equivalent of 3 bottles of 80-proof liquor and sometimes as much as the equivalent of 5.5 bottles in a week. My consumption level is now at 2 bottles in a week. It is far from a healthy level especially considering I can consume a fifth in less than 24 hours. I found another trigger for my drinking is anger. The last episode of drinking was triggered by extreme anger and sadness about being unemployed. I do not think 2 bottles of liquor in a week is in any way healthy, so I realize that I have to find better ways of dealing with my worst emotions than alcohol.

Well, look at it this way: At least you are cutting back on your drinking. (Even though you do seem to drink a lot. But, I've been there too. So, I can relate.)

If you could get to the point where you get it down to 1 bottle a week, that would be good. But, it may take you a while to get there. Old habits die hard as they say.

But, I think that, given time, you can conquer this demon once and for all. It may not happen overnight. But, it can be done.
  •  

Kellam

You are no hypocrite, you are doing really well in fact. Being aware of the problem, working on it in a way that works for you and examining your motivations are the keys. You have all of them and you are using them so well. Just keep going, we are all here for you!
https://atranswomanstale.wordpress.com This is my blog A Trans Woman's Tale -Chris Jen Kellam-Scott

"You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality."   -Candy Darling



  •  

rachel89

One of my "rage points" is where I'm told I do not have enough experience to do even factory work. I do poorly in interviews because I don't have a lot of experience, I am shy, I have effeminate mannerisms, I have long-ish unruly hair, I think they look at my facebook and see all my trans and political stuff, and I am usually nervous, i can do mind numbing factory work (its better working over a deep-fryer any day). in fact I  kind of like the not taking work home-with-me aspect of the factory, and would probably still do factory work even if i had a degree because I can not do well in a where social ability matters more than getting a certain quota of parts finished. What caused me a lot distress on my last job was being in the closet, even though people saw through it, ut didn't know what my issue was. I only sat with women at lunch, would discuss things that are more stereotypically feminine, was pretty shy, and another woman noticed that I shave my arms and it became a discussion at break. I worked from mid-October to mid-April, and I cannot seem to get into another factory. What happened today was that i was overwhelmed by rage and sadness. I wish I could force people to hire me. I don't know what to do at this point.


  •  

Kellam

 I don't know what to say about your work situation. If I hadn't lucked into my field (art handling) I would be in your exact boat. I have never gotten a job I interviewed for and I have no degree.

Anway, this is not about me.

Rage is a difficult one too and I have had a hard time with it myself. Sometimes booze just made it worse instead of masking it. Is there anything you can do to vent that rage in a healthy way? I have often found solace in punk music. Or a nice private place to do some primal screaming, perhaps a quiet field at the end of a long walk? I often use exercise or write in a journal. Or draw, make music or cook a big meal.

Heading toward sobriety is all about finding your trigger and rewiring it to a healthy behavior. You have found a few triggers that's the big step. Everything else you can do slowly. Baby steps. Don't rush yourself but don't relent either. I believe in you.
https://atranswomanstale.wordpress.com This is my blog A Trans Woman's Tale -Chris Jen Kellam-Scott

"You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality."   -Candy Darling



  •  

rachel89

Another thing is  that I have begun to understand is that I was always at high-risk for alcoholism. The first risk-factor is familial history of alcoholism over generations, second is that I probably have Asperger's syndrome to some degree and that a lot of people with Asperger's are alcoholics/problem drinkers, and third is that I am a transsexual, which puts person at risk of alcoholism because of minority stress. Sometimes taking notions of "morality" out of an issue helps me understand my own problems better, and helps take down down defense mechanisms that help me deal with a serious issue. That being said, I am still far from solving my own problem.


  •  

Kellam

I took to adictions like a duck to water myself. But, and this is an important one, one in ten people becomes addicted to alcohol. The same percentage occurred in animal populations studied by researchers over the years, including bees. At most it is a genetic predisposition to dopamine. That is the chemical your body releases to your brain when something good happens. Addictions (everything from gambling, excessive eating, excessive exercise, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol through the hard drugs) release this in greater quantities than healthy activities. That's all, you are not to blame. The other things you listed may just be compounding factors. There are alcohol addicts because alcohol is highly addictive, plain and simple. It is not your fault.

Root causes and triggers are the chains that bind you to the source of the addiction.
https://atranswomanstale.wordpress.com This is my blog A Trans Woman's Tale -Chris Jen Kellam-Scott

"You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality."   -Candy Darling



  •  

rachel89

So its been a while since I last posted on this thread. I am doing a lot better with the drinking, although not entirely perfect. Looking back, especially during the year before transition after I realized i would rather be female but couldn't do anything about it even if I knew what to do, where I realized there were times where I was half hoping I would drink and drink and not wake up. I never really got close to that point, but I realize that one of my motivations for the heavy drinking (other than using it as a poor substitute for therapy and legit anti-anxiety drugs) was a feeling that I had nothing to live for no matter how successful or unsuccessful I was in the game of life. I remember the feeling of "I wouldn't need to drink if I were just born a female" or "my life would have been a lot happier if I had just been born female." Being a little more out has helped me cope with the not using alcohol all the time by giving me more space in my life where I can be myself.


  •  

rachel89

Update: Its been a very long time since I've posted on this topic, but I'm feeling better with HRT, a new job in my near future, and I haven't drank for what will be two months a week from now. Despite still being in a not great life situation, the HRT has kept my anxiety attacks in-check compared to what I had pre-HRT, so alcohol is less needed as a coping tool than it was before. I'm pretty much past the phase of knowing I need to do something but not being able too, to having gone more than a few just days or a week without drinking. I'm not going to say I won't ever drink again, but its nice not waking up feeling bad all the time.


  •  

Kellam

That is such wonderful news! Congratulations! I'm glad you have found what works for you.
https://atranswomanstale.wordpress.com This is my blog A Trans Woman's Tale -Chris Jen Kellam-Scott

"You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality."   -Candy Darling



  •