So yeah...I totally felt like washed over by all of the above emotions in this thread's title. Am I wrong for it? Does anyone else here feel like that? Are there any MtFs who feel this way among cisgender women as I do among cisgender men? I kinda hope so, just to feel in company and on the same page as those who are similar to me in that way. But in a way I hope not, cause these emotions became so powerful today as I entered and became part of this really great barber shop today, that they were nearly suffocating me.
My hypothesis on the origin of these bad feelings, is that they are coping/defense mechanisms from gender dysphoria. No, I am not sayin I am the first ever to think of this. I am certain there are others here and abroad who share this view too.
I mean, the haircut was sharp and sweet to the touch!
I feel so on fire. Not only because of my nice trim, but because of how bold I was to step into "forbidden, man-only territory"(women and children are welcomed and all, but I only saw men there and like one very cisgender woman who was there with whom I suppose was her male partner
). I mean, no one really stared hard at me or were even talking bad about me like I thought they were or would(not so sure about my barber and this other barber, cause they was speaking Spanish but were very festive and laughing before I entered anyway, so I doubt it now, doubted it then and began to relax once I sat in the 'hair-chair,' lol).
Men were just yappin away louder than a room full of women(laughs here, seriously), but I think the noise level and my social anxiety made it challenging for me to really feel at 'home' here and I was constantly on guard and alert for any possible 'troublemakers' with my pepper spray handy in my right pocket, bein' a righty and all. I really kinda think as young and feminine as I appear(especially without my mascara 'beard'), that a lot of guys actually took me as one of them and I absolutely cherished
this to a great degree that I celebrated in secret with myself and a beer after I returned home, which I rarely do.
I noticed that when I talk, my social anxiety slowly begins to dissolve, depending on how comfortable and how easy it is to speak with whomever I am speaking with, even with a few people. But for the time being, I only spoke with my barber and was not too social phobic to even request for his contact number(the barber shop's is not in service, heh) because the dude is a hair cutter beast. He was nice enough to allow me to run across the street(a very large one, mind you) to retrieve the haircut fee from an ATM and return back across this magnified street to pay him his money then I tipped him on top of that.
Man I felt so good. There is no turnin' back now. Plus my hair has never been cut shorter I think and yet, never ever looked this #$%^ good.
But those bad feelings still creep up on me every time I get around guys...the more macho they are, the stronger the bad feelings get. I think if I expose myself to men more often, like a puppy being desensitized to lighting, then I will feel these disheartening emotions with less intensity to the point where it barely poses a threat to my inner self. Which would be totally wicked awesome, yo?
So what are your thoughts, ya'll? Hurl 'em at me like a right hook thrown from "Iron" Mike Tyson himself. Lol.
P.S. Here are some pics of my stud-fade hair cut....Not much of a photographer of selfies(or anything really), so I'm sorry if these pics are straight @#$ quality, unlike my hair cut.
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