Oh boy, I've had quite an exciting past few weeks! I was supposed to start hormones August the 16th, but because of an administrative error I never got the appointment-letter, which led me to miss my appointment with my endo. The rest of the week, I got into a biiiiiiig depression, because the hospital basically told me that in order to make a new appointment with my endo, I would have to wait some three or so months. I was so done with everything. It was the one day I was looking forward to. I didn't have much else to live for anymore, other than the little hope I had of transitioning. I called sick from work and spend the entire upcoming week home, sleeping, and generally being useless.
Now comes the unexpected turn: my therapist, with whom I've communicated through e-mails, called up the hospital to explain the whole situation. She's amazing at talking to people, and behold: the hospital staff actually found a date I could visit my endo again! This time the 31th! So, yesterday I've visited the hospital and went through the entire business of getting my body checked, having a blood sample taken etc. and I can finally pick up my hormones! I've decided to go for estrogen bandaids; according to my endo they work just as well as regular pills, but without the added risk of blood-clots. Considering that my dad's side of the family has a history of such things, I'm glad I went for bandaids. The testosterone-blockers are small pills, and I need to take one half each day after supper.
Even though I've only technically been on hormones for one day, I can already feel a lot more comfortable! I feel a lot more at peace, and a lot less mentally stressed (which I used to be pretty much all day). I'm not sure if this is a placebo effect or an effect of the hormones, but either way it's great!
Today I've actually started coming out as trans to some of my colleagues. Even though I don't know a lot of my colleagues particularly well, I still want them to know who I am and address me as Rachel instead of my boy name. Things are finally starting to look up again. It's a small progress, but to me it's a huge one considering I was pretty much at rock bottom before.
