worried about my friend

[042095]

I just wanted to briefly chime in and say that I remember seeing Emily's posts and what she was going through. Her situation is similar to mine, only I cannot know if I'm on a spectrum as she is (there is a high possibility). One of the things I am really trying to do, is instead of trying to work for others due to my own unique situation, I am actually trying to create some work for myself using new and old skills. This way I can be in control, be creative, and try and work my way from the inside out of this situation.

The hardest part is really not knowing if there will be success or failure, but putting in effort is never a waste. The only hard part I will be coming into soon, is understanding money and taxes. I understand increase, decrease, but I will have to find someone to help me understand how to pay my taxes for my business for the first time.

You can actually go online and take part in a free course on taxes on IRS.gov. Just google irs and tax tutorial and you get a whole course. They also have a self-employment section where you can watch videos and seminars. As I said though, I have a hard issue when it comes to numbers and the taxe percentages just don't make enough sense even when doing the course. So I know I have to seek someone outside for that.

Thanks for being there for Emily and I pray she will see, or you can find a way to get her this information. Whether she takes the advice now or not, is no issues. Just her having the awareness will be enough when the time comes to take action.

Emily mention to me before thinking about self employment what's keeping her from trying she doesn't seem to know what to do she's even done research and somehow still clueless I like to help but there's a reason I'm going to school and majoring in a practical field. I can't help wonder what skills she could use for as long as I've known her even I'm not sure what skills she has for self employment don't get me wrong she's a bright girl and capable of more than she think she is I do know she's into maps she reads a giant atlas book in between her classes and she can name places and tell where they're located it's phenomenal I just don't what she could do with that skill though we did do some research and thought GIS might be something she could do till we saw that she had to know how programming and pass trigonometry we had to scratch that. We're working on trying to figure what skills she can use or even has. Another problem she has with self employment and I can understand for instance she doesn't have much money to buy the necessary stuff or to promote her business and going door to door isn't possible because she lives out in the country and she can't drive either. With the right help though I think she could succeed with self employment I'm just not the right person to help with that maybe you or someone on here can tell her more.     

[042095]

I want to thank those who commented so far it means a lot to me as a friend and advocate I know I keep repeating myself but to those who may have given up on giving Emily advice I ask you to please try again give her another chance I've talked to her and she'll listen for once I'm going to continue to push her to do so instead of giving reasons why she can't I'm making her ask for further elaboration as I said previously she needs a bit of extra instruction and direction. I need to ask this one thing I'm trying to figure out what we can do as far as Emily's living situation she really needs to get out of her parent's house I know she needs a job to do that I'm aware of that me and my mom are going to help her with that but thing is with her her situation she needs to be out of her parent's first and me and my family as much we want to help can't take her in and all our friends are also poor college students that either can't take her in or live with their parents it's a tricky situation but she needs to get out so she can start doing things like get a job but how since she doesn't have money to rent and no one to let stay? I am open to ideas and suggestions and I'll make sure Emily is too.   

[DawnOday]

I want to tell you. If everyone had a friend like you, the world would be a better place. Emily is kind of an acquired taste. Now that we have some information it is understandable. We still can't upgrade her living conditions. If you live in a large city like Seattle. Check and see if there is a Goodwill training center. Ours offer a mayrid of job training opportunities.https://www.goodwillwa.org/training/programs/ look this over for an idea. They have expertise at training the handicapped. Good luck.   http://www.goodwill.org/find-jobs-and-services/get-training/#build-skills-and-earn-credentials-

[SlateRDays]

You could look for transition shelters or women's or homeless shelters. A transition shelter from what I could look up on, is a place that you can stay in temporarily until you get on your feet. When you look for shelters in either areas near you or near her, check to see if they are free, pay, etc. I tried to find shelters near myself and I couldn't find as many that were in a safe area. Also when you find these shelters, call them and see if they still exist. Some still have their listings up, but they are unresponsive to calls.

Other than that, see if you can get in contact with your local human services department and see if they give a listing of places. Also, lastly and respectfully, I saw a few reviews about places that are religious based and I want to pass on to be careful of some of those places. Don't count them out, but if they are an establishment that takes people in, but are very preachy, it could be triggering for Emily. If you can find any places like that around either of your or within a respectable driving distance, then you should be able to make a plan together.

And everyone is absolutely right about you being a good friend. One of the best, but hardest things is helping someone during a very difficult transition period in their life. And in the case of having self-esteem sapped from you in your environment, it can be very demoralising. Keep doing the best you can to gently push, and guide her, I have a feeling she will be able to find a way out with you and your mother's support.

If able, and you both find a place she can go to, see if you are able to help with driving her to the location. She'll need the basic stuff. Things for searching or creating work for herself. Hygeine stuff, and then clothes she'll need for job interviews and things like that.

If you need more ideas, search up guides about surviving when homeless, low-income, etc, and you'll find people who've been in these situations and they can give advice on items that you would need, what's most important, etc.

I wish you both much strength.

[042095]

I want to tell you. If everyone had a friend like you, the world would be a better place. Emily is kind of an acquired taste. Now that we have some information it is understandable. We still can't upgrade her living conditions. If you live in a large city like Seattle. Check and see if there is a Goodwill training center. Ours offer a mayrid of job training opportunities.https://www.goodwillwa.org/training/programs/ look this over for an idea. They have expertise at training the handicapped. Good luck.   http://www.goodwill.org/find-jobs-and-services/get-training/#build-skills-and-earn-credentials-

Well thank you if anything I'm more lucky to have Emily as a friend. We live in a small town in Tennessee not a lot of access to resources unless you go to Nashville I know it sounds best if Emily moves there I can't recommend she move there I care too much for her safety to do that we're just not sure what to do as far as getting a place to live. Getting skills training is great idea not sure about goodwill she used to work there and she's told me about how it was a nightmare working there if you want more details feel free to ask and Emily doesn't mind me telling anything should Emily refuse to go near goodwill I'm sure we can figure out somewhere that offers training. Right now our focus is getting her somewhere else so she can do all these things without the restrictions of her parents.

SlateRDays: If safety weren't an issue I would recommend Emily to a shelter I'm just afraid her being trans might be a risk living in a shelter if she were officially diagnosed with autism maybe she might have access to more resources       

[042095]

Ok I brainstormed some ideas for jobs Emily could get some maybe ones suggested on here that she rejected but she's rethinking and taking them to consideration.

Here some job ideas I came up with and I added notes about Emily's strengths and weaknesses in those positions

clerical/administrative assistant- Might be the perfect job for her she's very organized and knows how to use a computer I am concerned however if the workload administrative assistants take may be too much for her to handle she gets overwhelmed when she's given more than she can handle

data entry- With Emily's organization and computer skills she can do this one too I don't think the workload is as much as being an administrative assistant either only thing she said she worries about is speed

retail- I know Emily's past job experiences and how she was fired for job performance issues but if she can just get something where her only tasks are sorting/organizing items or stocking retail can be a good job for her we're looking to see if she can get with someone that maybe willing to slow the pace down for her no special treatment by any means but just willing to not mind that she works slower than the rest

warehouse- Might be a long shot given she doesn't quite have the physicality for this type of work and her issue with fast paced environments but for what it's worth it matches to some extent with her current skill set and we have a Home Depot distribution center nearby that's hiring and knowing Home Depot they're lgbt friendly and I heard they're good about hiring individuals on the autism spectrum or have other developmental issues

fast food- This will be a hard sell I used to work fast food and I know for a fact this job will be hard on Emily but if all else fails she maybe able to get on at our local Chik-fil-a the franchise owner is known to be a nice person and non-judgemental they once gave free food to the college's lgbt club she might be a good fit there

There's a lot more I can list but for now we'll go with these five we need to figure how Emily can overcome her issues with fast paced environments so she can succeed in any of these jobs she along with most on the autism spectrum have the worst trouble with multitasking. There's still the issue of were Emily can stay until she can afford to rent a place I talked to my mom about it and she's baffled about what to do there's so much we can do to help Emily like drive her to where she needs to go, get her counseling, and eventually start hrt but we can't do none of that until she can move out as long as her parents keep telling what to do she can't do anything till she leaves her home.

I want thank everyone for their cooperation I know this ain't easy and Emily needs to do her part to make this work she knows full well she needs to put her big girl pants on and quit with this can't do this attitude she's had for the past year and a half now but for those who continue to help and offer advice thank you it means a lot to us and to those who given up I don't blame you it is hard to help those who reject the help but if you're willing to reconsider Emily promises she won't reject your help and she has me to keep her in line to make her attitude goes from can't to can.

I'm going to take a break now that was a lot to write haha but anything for my friend     

       


   

     

[042095]

Ok normally i don't triple post and rarely do i double post but i am getting concerned thought we had a good start gave lots of details of the situation and i can assure Emily is going to cooperate this time she knows she needs to do her part if anyone feels like it useless to try to help I want to know why and what can i do to change that and yes i understand she has me and my mom but you got to understand we can't help her no more than we can till she can get away from her parents it just how it is and even though my mom used to be a social worker even she finds it difficult figuring out how to get Emily out of this cycle that's why i came here to ask to see if anyone might know something we don't so please let's keep this thread going and lets all work together you never know if we all can help Emily we can help anyone else here stuck in similar situations wouldn't that be good? Love the responses so far so lets keep it up 

[CarlyMcx]

The very first thing you should do is take Emily to this event right here:  http://www.outcentral.org/events/transgender-drop-in#.WBeEGMkg6uA

What Emily needs more than anything is to be motivated, and there is no better motivation that being with others like yourself, and seeing what can be achieved.  The people in this group will probably have a lot of ideas also about job opportunities, housing, etc.

[042095]

She talks about wishing to attend all the time hope one day we can

[Rachel]

Is there a Amazon distribution center near by? She may try there.

[042095]

Two summers ago I worked at the amazon warehouse over close to Murfreesboro, Tennessee and let me tell they don't like slow workers you have to pick at least one hundred items every hour working anything under is unacceptable those that fail to achieve that pace are fired within two weeks of being hired the turnover there was ridiculous. Maybe they could let her work at a slower pace? If so then I definitely recommend her work there I know she can do the work and she'll enjoy the free exorcise. I think warehouse work would be good for Emily the pay is reasonable the work she able for the most part do it's just a matter of finding the right environment.     

[042095]

I have a question about the americans with disabilities act (ada) ok say if emily gets officially diagnosed with autism and qualifies for reasonable accommodations under the ada and she gets a job working at amazon for example and its the job i described where she''l have to be able to process at least 100 items per hour or risk getting fired.  lets say she has the job and discloses she has autism and gives all documentation and starts the job and she has performance issues she's only able to get about 60 items processed an hour instead of the 100 they want can they still fire her despite them having all documentation of her disability or can they maybe modify someway that will help with her performance or what about simply lowering the performance standard as long as she doesn't tell other workers?       

[Dena]

As you should well know, the government has little business telling companies to hire people who are unable to preform the job. The government makes prohibits discrimination but they can't force a company to hire somebody in a wheel chair to do construction. If a job requires the person be able to turn out a certain volume of work the government can't force a company to hire somebody who can't keep up and the company would be unwilling to hire somebody who is only worth half what they are paying for.

[042095]

Then what do you suggest? Are you saying emily has no place in the workforce? Should I just tell her to get on disability? It shouldn't matter if her performance isn't as up to par just as long as she maintains a good work ethic no wonder why she always feel worthless I get it now.

[Dena]

I have a saying that everybody is a genius in their own subject. The problem is finding that subject. Emily has to work extra hard if she wishes to succeed. Many people with handicaps far worst that Emily may have through hard work have succeeded but the were determined not to let failure stop them. If you use a disability as a shield to protect you from the world, you will not succeed and that is what Emily is doing. She needs to work and take the risk of failure until she finds her place in the world.

Thomas Edison while developing the light bulb had many failure while locating a filament material nothing he tried would last. He finally after many tries discovered that a carbon thread in a vacuum would last and burn many hours. The best material is tungsten and that was used for many years however Edison didn't try that because tungsten is so hard it was impossible to machine with what he had available. Like Edison, Emily has to be willing to accept failure as the price of success. One doesn't come without the other.

[042095]

Not every disabled person has the chance to come out  sucessful on their own some need help from others and emily happens to be one of them can we all agree on that for once you say all this but you don't offer more detailed suggestions

[Dena]

Was anyone telling Thomas Edison one more try or you can do it. Nobody did because up to that time, electric light of the type he envisioned was impossible. It was only his determination that made it possible. We have offered Emily many options, far more help than Thomas Edison receive and pretty much every thing we have offered has been rejected without being tried. The problem is not what we offer but Emily. Until she make up her mind she can succeed, she will continue to fail. We will offer more help when we learn why she she is failing. Until then, we can't fix something if we don't know why it's broke.

At the moment we are not even sure that Emily had a disability that is causing the problem. It appears to us that it's her attitude more than anything that is actually wrong with her ability to preform. Failure at two jobs isn't really much of a track record to make a determination off. I have applied for hundreds of jobs at times before finding a place to hire me but I kept trying until I found that one place. Emily needs to do the same even if it takes months or years.

[042095]

She has high functioning autism though she's not officially diagnosed myself, my mother who used to work with young adults in the spectrum, her counselor, and a few instructors who have experience with autism all agree she has it and though she can function better than most she does have cognitive issues and slight motor issues that impact her daily life and make her in the eyes of others who don't know look slow this isn't an excuse to take the easy way these issues also impact her in the workplace thats why she got fired from every job she had if you don't believe then why don't you come all the way to tennessee and meet her for yourself maybe you will have a better understanding of what she and others deal with. She's more of a self advocate than you think she's followed the advice but it truly isn't working for her I can attest to that and it's heartbreaking to see.

[Dena]

I think you are getting to close to Emily as you are arguing her argument instead of pushing her to reach beyond her limits. it often hurts to tell people the truth and make them do with they think they can't. I would suggest you spend some time evaluating your view point or you will end up much like Emily using every little excuse you can find to avoid facing the truth.

[042095]

And what truth is that please eleborate