I grew up in a time when businesses would put a sign in their windows of stick figured children, which denoted it was a 'safe space' for kids to duck into if they were being targeted or victimized in some way. It was a time when child abductions and pedophilia were all over the news. The fact is that nearly 2000 children go missing every day in the US to this day. Where is the app for them?
Now, here in 2017, we have trans violence all over LGBT news sources, and heavy trans-exposre on major media outlets 24/7, yet even though this year had an all-time high murder rate of 21 trans lives lost, it is clear not all of these deaths are due to them being trans.
There is a HUGE disconnect in the community about actual risk and perceived risk.
Our fears are magnified by what we feel inside us. We become more noticeable when we project our fears into the world at large.
I can't say who should do what, or when, or why...
But I can say, I refuse to live like a refugee. I am a woman, I will use the woman's restroom, and I will not hesitate. I am well over 6 feet tall. I am bony faced. I am aware that trans-spotters are everywhere, but so what? There are laws that protect everybody from harassment and violence. Couple those with confidence and common sense, and see how one's world view and daily comfort level change.
In the theater world, they say 'fear is the mind killer', and I agree. Once I had enough proper trauma therapy, I didn't give a hoot about what anybody thought about anything I did in public. I am a citizen. I have a right to be here that is no less than any other citizens' rights.
Walk proud. Own your truth. Do not let them see you sweat.
When I was still in the 'neither fish nor foul' stage, I had stopped at a rest area in Tennessee, smack dab in the middle of the bible belt. I was washing up after peeing, sitting down, through my penis, in a stall, just like all the other women in there. It was a busy weekend day. The woman next to me at the sink says "Gol-leee, you sure are tall, how tall are you?" in a loud, caustic voice. I looked down on her and said softly, but clearly, and without hesitation "Oh, thank you! I am a wee bit over 6 foot..". She laughed, relaxed, and said "yeah, just a wee bit", and smiled. I had put her at ease, and the situation de-escalated.
How we are, how we feel about ourselves, can be far more powerful than our fears, their fears, or anything else beyond our control.
I know there are some in the community that face an uphill battle with fear, acceptance, and a non-binary presentation. I don't know anything but what I went through when I wasn't 'passing', but what I learned, for me, was that by being comfortable within my own skin, I projected a comfortable presence and was never truly made to feel afraid nor unwelcome anywhere.
Statistically, our fears are exaggerated.
There should be at least some comfort in the facts.
Missy
