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[peryton]

Hello, I'm 17 and nonbinary. I'm out only to some friends and a group for trans students at my college. I've stumbled on this site a few times looking for resources and thought that i would be good to be able to meet trans people of different ages and experiences than I would normally meet irl. I also have very bad social anxiety and have recently allowed myself to accept my gender and figured that an online environment might allow me to be more open and make getting out of my comfort zone just a little bit easier.
Being young and having a gender that many people would not recognize has been hard as I worry people won't take me seriously. Living and presenting the way I want to would mean being visibly gender non-conforming and I worry that this will negatively affect how others see me and my chances of having a successful career when even cis women are scarce in many STEM fields. It's also hard to pin down specific sources of dysphoria when theres no real guide to what the average nonbinary person looks like. It's been tough mentally putting the pieces together and figuring out who I am, but ultimately its been a very liberating experience. I don't know my plans for the future or what I plan on doing to transition but I just have to hope that one day the euphoria of being my true self will outweigh the dysphoria and uncertainty I feel now.

[Dan]

Welcome, Peryton.

Being NB is definitely the hardest path of all to choose, since we as a society have this desperate need to classify and box people into neat bite size pieces. It is hard enough for most to handle the transgender concept. Non binary is a concept that even I have trouble understanding how it works in practice. I like to say that I have both a female and male side, but I am more comfortable with the male side of me ( that is why I'm transitioning).

Take any cis person and they will have a hard time with finding a box for you. That's OK, we are not here to make life easier for others and we need to learn to develop a world where difference is simply accepted and not fought against by those who cannot understand some things. But there is always a price to pay, and it is the non-conforming person who will have to pay that price.

How will being non binary affect your career prospects, in STEM in particular? You will feel the discrimination setting in as you get older and are getting ready for more senior roles. Anti-discrimination policies are all well and good, but they don't work well in practice. It's always easy to say that somebody else ( usually male) was better qualified.  I've been an engineer ( hardware and software) for over 20 years. It was all fine when I was younger, but I've seen how things work later when you are no longer in the young and funky crowd and you didn't choose the stereotypical path heterosexual marriage, children etc. This is when you will fall off the wagon because it's great being different when you are young, but not when you are supposed to fit into the well trodden groove. That's based on my personal experience.

If you do eventually feel that you can happily accept your birth assigned gender, then that's far better than having to be the the odd one out.

If you can find an experienced gender therapist, then this would be a good time to explore who you feel you really are. Everyone's journey is different and yours will be too. Generalizations won't be helpful to you.

Good luck in your journey. Take your time, and see you around.

[Jacqueline]

Peryton,

Welcome to the site. Thanks for joining in.

You seem to have a really grounded perspective. I hope you can find your truth and find joy and fulfillment . We have a category called Youth Talk that might include some folks you can relate to as well.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Kendra]

Hi Peryton, and welcome!

I don't consider myself nonbinary but I can relate in two ways.  I have a ton of respect for those who aim to be nonbinary as a permanent destination.  My MTF transition can't happen overnight so I still show up at work in male mode.  I get more odd looks lately in male mode vs. female mode, and as I start HRT I will probably hit male-fail more often.

The main reason I respect nonbinary people: when I was younger I was depressed about landing half way between two ethnic backgrounds.  Half Japanese, half Welsh in a small town full of idiot rednecks (Arlington, Washington State).  I caught soooo much flak for that, further compounded by the fact I failed to act aggressively male.  A few years later I became angry every time a government form would ask for my race with a "Check One" instruction.  My choices were to provide a half-wrong answer, or refuse to fill out the form.  In the early 1990s I was almost arrested in Bellevue WA (suburb of Seattle) for refusing to answer this question to a police officer who had stopped me for not wearing a helmet on my bicycle.  I guess I'm a racial rebel and we are all gender rebels. 

Years later I began to realize it isn't bad to be split between two racial backgrounds.  In fact it's quite cool, I have a biological connection to two cultures.  I can travel to two islands with massively different history and language - Japan or the UK and claim my heritage is from here.  And here.  A different type of nonbinary. 

Being the odd one out isn't necessarily a bad thing.  While it's true that is never as easy, some of the best things are earned through determination and courage.  I think we can all say: achievement beats boring.   

Kendra

[Raell]

Hi, peryton!

I'm a non-transitioning nonbinary partial transmale, who dresses androgynously and whose hardwired behavior leans more toward male.

You can google lists of STEM field companies that are LGBTQ-friendly, such as this one: http://www.noglstp.org/publications-documents/career-opportunities-for-lgbt-science-engineering-and-technology-graduates-brighter-than-ever/

[V M]

Hi Peryton 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Jacqueline]

Peryton,

I forgot to mention in my welcome. I don't know if I can be of help. However, my oldest child was assigned female at birth. They are going into their sophomore year of college and as you might have guessed, identify as non-binary.

They present pretty much as they did before. They have been active in LGBTQI+ support organizations since their sophomore in high school. They only just came out late winter of this year.

I guess I am saying if you have any questions, keep asking them here.

With warmth,

Joanna