I have read many HRT posts stating YMMV (Your Mileage Might Vary) so I'll start with that disclaimer. Genetics, health history, age, many other factors. I try to avoid over-setting expectations for myself and I don't want to over-set expectations for others. Many of us have different requirements and goals. I can only tell you what I am experiencing.
The patch itself is much smaller than I expected. I assumed this would be a big clumsy square band-aid and the box size seemed to confirm that. When I opened the package I was surprised to find a tiny patch the size of a large toenail.
So... what are my impressions two days into this? Wow.
Yesterday afternoon, 24 hours after Miss Patchy started doing her thing I was driving and suddenly realized I was looking closely at trees. How beautiful they are. Different types. And the colors. Different shades of green, green with a hint of other colors and all different. And then whoa I'm driving and should be looking at traffic in front of me, should I even be driving? This is difficult to describe but but best I can explain is: I had tunnel vision for several decades and now I don't. I am aware of trees as I drive past, but it's more than an awareness - I can see the details of the landscape while paying attention to cars in front and behind me.
This morning, day two. I woke up, didn't think about it at all and... stopped. Stunned. Looking out a window (I live on a lake) I saw the waves and light on the water. I have seen this view for a few years but this was shockingly different. I am now not just noticing what the water is doing - I'm aware of thousands of waves and how they are all connected. I know this sounds like I am on drugs, I am not (other than HRT) and this wasn't hallucinating - but I can now see the entire thing I am looking at. Similar to an awareness of trees going by while I drive. And then I looked across the lake and noticed for the first time - it wasn't just houses across the lake, these are entire neighborhoods and I can see the traffic driving across a distant bridge, and then for the first time I noticed the radio towers on Queen Anne Hill across the lake in Seattle, details on the tall buildings in the distance, and the mountains behind that. And then I started to cry. I have lived here for years, the view has not changed, but this is the first time I have ever taken the time to truly look.
I went to the office wondering if this is a placebo effect. That's why I didn't post earlier on my HRT impressions - I don't want to waste other peoples' time here. Maybe I started to feel this way when my fingers touched the box of Estradiol before I opened it? No. I knew for certain when I walked into the cafeteria and stopped in my tracks, realizing the smell of the food is overwhelming in places. I did a lap around the salad bar, smelling things without even getting close. The balsamic vinegar in my salad made a somewhat burning sensation - the left side of my tongue actually hurt a bit. A few things tasted the same but most things were more intense, or didn't taste good at all, or had an awesome texture. I noticed how the colors in the hallway aren't a good choice - the color shades clash. I found myself listening to conversations in peoples' offices as I walked by - I could hear more than one at a time.
At home I grabbed a snack bar, it tasted like the cardboard packaging. I liked these until now and might have to get rid of them. The plants next to the driveway - some of them have small flowers and they are very beautiful. I didn't notice they existed until today. I had to look closely, it was like a magnet. I found myself looking at buildings across the street, realizing I could see into their windows for the first time.
I never expected this so fast. I hope by describing this I don't cause anyone anxiety or envy - I would never wish to do that - but this is what I am experiencing. I am a bit unsettled but incredibly happy, this is far beyond what I expected. I didn't think this amount of emotional change or whatever it's called could happen in two days. Maybe I was clueless.
I have exactly the same respect for FTM as MTF, and also for those of us who choose to remain in between - we are a spectrum. I hope I don't sound narrow minded for saying this, but I have a difficult time imagining an FTM would want to experience the opposite - closing their world in with tunnel vision while I open mine up. What I am hoping is maybe this is what happens when you are in the wrong gender and the hormones are adjusted to make it right - regardless of direction. I hope FTMs can experience the joy I am finding right now with my MTF HRT. I also know many might not experience this, and certainly not so fast.
This is so incredible and feels right. This is me.
