Satisfaction as a cross dresser?

[Yvetteforfun]

Seriously boys and girls ( and those who are yet undecided) Some of these comments should be in Significant Others...No?  Whatever...  But, let's not rag too much on wives who have bad reactions to our decision to "transition" long after we've entered a relationship with them under different presumptions.  This is NOT what they originally signed up for (usually) is it...? ...Poor girls assumed they were marrying a guy..  Hello!!  Now their guy is a girl...!!!  Most I think didn't sign up for that...  So, love 'em or leave 'em...   Some of these "negotiations" seem absurd...  If you have another woman in your life..who you are madly in love with..(namely YOU) Let the wife go... Stop trying to fill round holes with square pegs...   But, then we want EVERYTHING don't we...  :-)

[Dena]

The SO section of the site is reserved for SO's to work out their problems. In that area they are allowed freedom to express themselves and are protected from TG members. TG members may post in that area when assisting SO's with issues but we watch carefully to ensure that comments by TG members are helpful.

There is a thread you might be interested in that was started by a wife who latter discovered that she was TG as well. You will find the thread here.

[Johnni Gyrl]

I had a conversation on-line with someone who went all the way M2F, including bottom surgery. She was giving me some advice and told me that if someone is a true transgender, then cross-dressing will never be enough. That's turned out to be true in my case, I want more, to live daily as a woman and dress 24/7 without hiding anything. I've taken the first steps and a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

That said, I know there are many out there who wish to keep "the best of both worlds" and I totally respect that. I just know it's a balancing act that only worked for so long for me and something had to give. I didn't want the cross-dressing to be kept hidden forever like something shameful, not did I want to be discovered accidentally or outed by anyone else except me. I feel I've taken control of my life now, it's not a runaway CD train anymore, I now have the chance to reinvent myself. I'm slowly coming out now, one garment at a time.

Good luck to all on this journey, whether you decide to transition or not.

[amandam]

I'm also wondering if that is my best future, Elise. Maybe I could transition under the right circumstances. But, is wanting family and not having to change your whole life really that bad of a choice?

[Alexa Ares]

Amandam - no its not at all.  It's very difficult to cut off your whole life. It may not make you happier as the loss of family could be devastating. . I would try to keep things in your life and be able to express yourself within this if at all possible.

We all have to find our own way with this.
I CDed a bit and then tried to avoid it as it made me too aware. It wasn't so much fun, more or was an awakening if someone I am and not something at the time I wanted to deal with.

If someone can be okay as a CD that's great. If it's not enough and to avoid the Crushing feelings of dysphoria you need more,  you do what you need to do.....
With wives its a real balancing act. My wife is okay with facial work and some body work, but not hormones. Sex is a big thing for us and I am okay to be a non hormonal trans for the foreseeable future. . .
Being in a closet about identity didn't work for me.  Life without my kids and wife won't either.

[Stella Stanhope]

Is it satisfying to dress with no thought of body changes? Is it hard to integrate being happy with being a male and yet liking to indulge in feminine pursuits?

Good question. For me, my situation has been a bit different to most crossdressers because I had a delayed puberty and then have had/enjoyed a very long period of maturation, whereby the usual boy-to-man changes have come in over decades rather than years. As of 2018, my body has finally caught up with what a male should like in their 30s (and added some extra ageing as a bitter cherry on top). I now am bulky, whereas just two years ago I had a size 8-10 figure with very little typical male fat distribution and this gave me a quite a feminine body shape even without female fat distribution or the illusion of it. The lack of male fat/padding on my stomach, sides and upper back made me look pretty convincing. My face has always been very male however with regard to skin and fat distribution ( though it's currently still shaped like a 20 something, but I guess that'll be the next thing to fill-in so that you'd never tell that I was fairly androgynous once upon a time). Apart from that remaining virtue, my face now matches my body, which is very much not feminine. It's made it almost impossible to wear anything that isn't the standard middle-age man wardrobe, let alone doing things or being seen to do things that are feminine.  It's wiped all that out.

The answer to your question is that these final changes have been pretty quick and pretty distressing, and so I now feel disgust while crossdressing just as I was accepting of it and feeling that I had at least one natural advantage over other MTFs and crossdressers. I now look like Buffalo Bill. I've gone up three dress sizes on my upper torso due to all the meat that has appeared around my shoulders and upper back in the last 12 months. So no, I have no satisfaction at all now. I used to have mainly issues with my manly face, though my hair was thick and my figure genuinely petite. But now I am properly balding, bulky and still with the male face, its obliterated the confidence I had spent a good six to seven years building up. This (among generally feeling like my life is slipping away as I near middle-age) has kickstarted the drive to do something about it through HRT to get some answers and maybe, maybe, possibly feel good about how I look.

[Kristy7]

Well, it seems I may be the first to answer who is completely comfortable with both sides of my gender. In fact, if I could have the power to shapeshift, I would alternate between my male and female forms depending on my mood and/or situation. There are times when I am perfectly comfortable in my "man skin" and other times when I prefer to be Elise.

I'm in my mid fifties and I've been a closet cross dresser for about 45 years. When I was younger I wished I was a girl, but there weren't a lot of transgendered resources back then, so I never considered transitioning as an option. As a young teen, I felt that if I wanted to dress like a girl, then I must be gay. So I tried experimenting with a gay friend and quickly found that wasn't the answer. Still liking to dress, but definitely being attracted to women, I used to always joke that I was a lesbian trapped in a man's body. (That joke kind of turned on me though when my first wife had an affair with a woman [who is now her wife]).

Anyway, I consider myself a realist. I know that I can't go back in time and be reborn as a female. And even if I could, it would mean I would lose my children. I fully recognize that because of my physical size and features, I could never be "passable". And because I have family and a professional reputation that I must protect from the narrow minded majority out there, I could never dare come out of the closet. So, I really have no option but to remain a closet cross dresser. 

And I'm really okay with that. Being Elise let's me escape from reality for a little while and become a kinder, gentler, version of myself. I love the way I feel in women's clothes, and I enjoy trying to create the illusion of a pretty feminine version of myself. I often fantasize about being a real woman, but it's just that -- a fantasy. I then return to the reality I also love. The reality where I have loving children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, parents, a career I love, etc.

And the male version of me comes in handy too. Just today I had to change the alternator in my car, and the bolt was so rusted that I needed every ounce of my 215 pound "man frame" to wrench it free. So having both of us around comes in handy!

Thank you for the post, very well written!

[Jillian-TG]

For me the lines between CD and TG have blurred over the years. When I was a teenager or in my 20s then I was a stereotypical CD who was focused on the clothing only and there was a definite erotic side to it that I don't have to unpack here. There was also lots of shame after I was finished each dress up session. But as I've aged and slowed down in life I'm moving more towards the TG side of the spectrum. I've read countless stories on various forums and that seems to be a trend with many CDS as they age.

I'm married and have kids so my personal life prevents me from fully embracing the TG part of my personality. I let Jill out primarily when my wife and I go on a cruise. If I didn't have the family situation then I think I would live more openly as a woman but I doubt I'd ever want to go the surgical route which is so life changing.

[Lori Dee ✅]

For me the lines between CD and TG have blurred over the years. When I was a teenager or in my 20s then I was a stereotypical CD who was focused on the clothing only and there was a definite erotic side to it that I don't have to unpack here. There was also lots of shame after I was finished each dress up session. But as I've aged and slowed down in life I'm moving more towards the TG side of the spectrum. I've read countless stories on various forums and that seems to be a trend with many CDS as they age.

I'm married and have kids so my personal life prevents me from fully embracing the TG part of my personality. I let Jill out primarily when my wife and I go on a cruise. If I didn't have the family situation then I think I would live more openly as a woman but I doubt I'd ever want to go the surgical route which is so life changing.

You are correct that many transgender people start exploring with cross-dressing. The key element is dysphoria. Transgender people are trying to soothe the dysphoria (mismatch between body and identity). Many people are not transgender, do not experience dysphoria, but still enjoy dressing. Some do it for erotic reasons, some for entertainment, or even employment.

Another aspect is how you see yourself, not how others see you. If you are comfortable flowing back and forth between masculine and feminine, that is a good sign that genderfluid is an appropriate description. It does not necessarily mean you are transgender, but that is certainly a possibility.

The key is dysphoria. When your mood swings one way or the other, is it uncomfortable being in that state of expression? I am not talking about shame from erotic feelings, but a feeling inside that this is not who you are. There is nothing shameful about roleplay, but do you feel a deep connection to this expression?

Sometimes, the opposite is true, where instead of dysphoria, we experience euphoria. This is not an erotic aspect but an internal sense of connection with your inner self. I first noticed this in myself one day when I had done my makeup and tried on a new wig. When I saw my reflection, the first thought that came to mind was, "I know you!" I instantly felt that deep inner connection to my feminine side that told me that this is the direction to go.

As you explore the various aspects of your gender, do not feel boxed in by labels. It is all about how you see yourself and nothing else. Gender is a spectrum, so flowing from one end to the other is not uncommon, just as picking one side or another, or even feeling that "none of the above" is a better description. You get to decide who you are. No one else.

It is never a bad thing to explore your own identity.