Private fantasies and desires question - warning mature content

[Lucy Ross]

From what I've read the earliest print instances of what we know as forced feminization are from the late 19th century, so this is nothing new.  Whether our community is more interested in fantasies of this type is an interesting question. I've read that transsexuals were more active than the cis population in the BDSM community in the 80s, but this was in all likelihood simply because people were lonely and members of an outcast sexual community, and turned to other sexual minorities simply for companionship.

[Lexi Nexi]

Hey Girls,

I feel really weird asking this question but it's really starting to put doubts in my mind. I'm a 24 pre-HRT MtF but I'm getting my hormone prescription by end of next week. I'm really excited about getting the process going but something is bugging me... I don't have any issues with my body as male but I am looking forward to the changes that come with HRT and feel fine giving up male characteristics for female (including changes to the penis and testicles, although I don't have any desire for SRS). But currently my sexual interests are causing confusion... I currently masturbate as male and the sort of porn I tend to use is: femdom, forced feminization, chastity, forced bi etc... I've literally had those fetishes from the beginning of puberty and for awhile that's really all it was... a fetish. But obviously interest in being female as evolved past being a pure fetish. But I still enjoy these fantasies...

I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone has any similar experiences? This kind of makes me worried that maybe this isn't truly what I want. Even though I'm very excited about all the changes that come with HRT (I've done extensive research) and I can still envision a future as a girl. I even have a hard time picturing myself functioning in a relationship as male... But one with a girl or another trans girl where I can also express and be feminine seems like it would be really satisfying and just more enjoyable than a traditional relationship where I'm stuck wearing boring stuff... it's hard for me to admit but I'm definitely bisexual as well... from a relationship standpoint right now I do want to be with a feminine figure (cis or trans girl).

Long winded I know... but I just wanted to get this out there and see if anyone has any perspective they could share.

Thanks so much for reading girls

I just started a full program with doctors counselors hormones the full package etc etc.

I too kept bring up questions about having sex and who I have sex with. They taught me and it makes total sense: Gender has nothing to do with sex or sexuality. Sure the MTF process or even a part of it is going to change sex or how you have it or who you have it with, it has nothing to do with your gender.

I thought for the longest time (I have had gender disphoria since I was 4 and I was born a male who is heterosexual) that all people who went MTF were gay men wishing they could be women so they could have sex more freely with men. Maybe one of them wants this but thats certainly not why or even a reason for most people to do it.

I too have a 'different sex life" For me the only sexual organs/parts on a woman are her legs and feet. I have no interest in her breasts or what ever just the legs and feet. So much so that when I see an unattractive woman with ugly legs and feet and they are uncovered I get repulsed like seeing and old lady vagina. One time I got to go out with a really nice girl but I never got to see her legs or feet. One night I did when she wanted to have sex; she took off her pants and socks and I got grossed out and couldn't do anything. I couldn't really tell her why either.

I think your gender just happens to fit in well with your sexual preference.

Do you have a hard time with this: in sex I want to be the female role but the only true way to do that is with a guy who's physically stronger and bigger then me. Most women can't play that part and the ones who can usually don't fit into my fetish.

Anyways all I know is this.
Gender and Sexual orientation/preference have nothing to do with each other. The sex you like has as much in common with your height as it does your gender.

[MissNatalieL]

I just started a full program with doctors counselors hormones the full package etc etc.

I too kept bring up questions about having sex and who I have sex with. They taught me and it makes total sense: Gender has nothing to do with sex or sexuality. Sure the MTF process or even a part of it is going to change sex or how you have it or who you have it with, it has nothing to do with your gender.

I thought for the longest time (I have had gender disphoria since I was 4 and I was born a male who is heterosexual) that all people who went MTF were gay men wishing they could be women so they could have sex more freely with men. Maybe one of them wants this but thats certainly not why or even a reason for most people to do it.

I too have a 'different sex life" For me the only sexual organs/parts on a woman are her legs and feet. I have no interest in her breasts or what ever just the legs and feet. So much so that when I see an unattractive woman with ugly legs and feet and they are uncovered I get repulsed like seeing and old lady vagina. One time I got to go out with a really nice girl but I never got to see her legs or feet. One night I did when she wanted to have sex; she took off her pants and socks and I got grossed out and couldn't do anything. I couldn't really tell her why either.

I think your gender just happens to fit in well with your sexual preference.

Do you have a hard time with this: in sex I want to be the female role but the only true way to do that is with a guy who's physically stronger and bigger then me. Most women can't play that part and the ones who can usually don't fit into my fetish.

Anyways all I know is this.
Gender and Sexual orientation/preference have nothing to do with each other. The sex you like has as much in common with your height as it does your gender.

You finally put into words what I have been trying to for so long [emoji23]

I was born Male and I have always been attracted to Women, women are far more attractive than men! Now that I am transitioning I still think the same way, women are far more attractive than men, and have even told people that I will continue to date women in the future just because I'm not attracted to men and would rather have a relationship with a women. But... when it comes to a sexual relationship, it's totally different! When I think of a sexual relationship, I think of me in the female role, with a big, strong man leading the way!

It's so weird for me because as a male I'm physically attracted to women. As a women I'm physically attracted to women. As a male I'm sexually attracted to... no one? I definitely don't see myself being a male being with a man, and as I've said before when I'm with a women I feel like I would rather be her, than be with her. As a women though I'm sexually attracted to men (as well as women a little). I will be so glad when I start hormones and I can officially start to cut the ties with my male self, then I can start to branch out and decide who I really want to date [emoji39]

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[jessica95]

There is some thing called Lesbian, one YouTuber with one million subs which is a transgender woman  , says she is Lesbian and only attracted to woman. (A pretty one actually ). The fantasies and desires depends on which you start with , i have always been mainly into lesbian , and will most likely be that way when i one day get hrt.(women hormones).

[krobinson103]

It's so weird for me because as a male I'm physically attracted to women. As a women I'm physically attracted to women. As a male I'm sexually attracted to... no one? I definitely don't see myself being a male being with a man, and as I've said before when I'm with a women I feel like I would rather be her, than be with her. As a women though I'm sexually attracted to men (as well as women a little). I will be so glad when I start hormones and I can officially start to cut the ties with my male sex)

I totally agree, though I'd have to say that I'm into either gender - I just don't want to be male at the time. As a man? Sex was possible, but not particularly appealing. That was quite frustrating. Now? I like it. No urges when I don't want them and I actually like it when I want to.

[Gulistani248]

I am in the completely same boat as you.  I can't picture myself as a male with a female, and I really want to be a female and play the female role in a relationship with another woman.  Picturing myself as that is much more easier and natural for me.

Are you currently seeing a gender therapist?

[Lexi Nexi]

I am in the completely same boat as you.  I can't picture myself as a male with a female, and I really want to be a female and play the female role in a relationship with another woman.  Picturing myself as that is much more easier and natural for me.

Are you currently seeing a gender therapist?

Who?

I still would really like to have a guy pick me up off my feet carry me to the bed with my arms wrapped around his neck. Then he throws me onto the bed and he is on top. As a male? That has NO appeal to me. I tried it once. That was not a good time.

[Sno]

Who?

I still would really like to have a guy pick me up off my feet carry me to the bed with my arms wrapped around his neck. Then he throws me onto the bed and he is on top. As a male? That has NO appeal to me. I tried it once. That was not a good time.

Oh, no, I really couldn't face that, just think of the stubble, and the smell....

Rowan

[Lexi Nexi]

Oh, no, I really couldn't face that, just think of the stubble, and the smell....

Rowan

Hmmm. I guess in my land of make believe the guys are clean shaven and have showered. But in your land of make believe I wouldn't want that either. Do real lesbians go through this in their mind? I know many date men but that could be more to fit into social norms or pressure from guys. I'm glad I never tried to trick any girls into having sex with me if they weren't into it but some guys would many would. That would feel awful.

[SadieBlake]

Haha, that's interesting. I didn't hate my scent as male but I didn't love it and tended to be embarrassed about it. I far prefer my decidedly more feminine odor since I've been on estrogen.

Here's the thing, the other day for our menage a trois, my GF arrived back from picking up her fwb, disrobed and they came in to the br together. The first thing I noticed was a slight wash of what I read as strong masculine musk.

Come to find as she hopped on to the bed it was absolutely her underarm scent I'd picked up, way stronger and a rather different note than I'm used to reading off her. I know for fact she'd showered just before leaving to collect the guy. I really was surprised and on reflection have to think this was a strong response to her anticipating being with a guy (for the first time in 8 months or over a year, depending on how you care to value my gender before GCS).

What a strong confirmation that my GF is het oriented

[Artesia]

For me, I enjoyed reading magic gender transformation porn.  I even had a fantasy based off of a GIJoe cartoon, story. It actually does make sense, really, I promise.  It was where they used the genetic code to make their soldiers part man part animal.  I just fantasized that they blended me with a woman instead of an animal.


I, however, mostly retreated into games where I could play as female characters.

[RobynD]

Like others have said, porn was a coping mechanism. I wore a chastity device with my spouse holding the key for literally years. Now i have no desire or need for porn or kink anymore. It went away rapidly after starting HRT. This is just my experience. Intimacy now is all about emotional, love, caring and cuddling for hours in front of a fire. ( yeah i know the last one is very specific, so sue me)

..and guys smells and stubble? Oh yeah, bring it on. Attraction to women? meh not so much anymore, although i do consider myself pansexual. I think now my girl crushes are more emotionally based. I find guys looks/bodies much more appealing. We are all wonderfully different.

[Roll]

This thread sparked a realization for me when it turned to guy scent and stubble. In my denial I never made the sexual connection before, but I've always liked the sweaty smell that I now am forced to admit was almost always a sweaty guy smell. I love the smell of women too, but that was never an issue. And stubble? Well, I always had a somewhat unusual like (not really a fetish, it wasn't really sexual in and of itself if that makes sense) in the look and feel of stubble and hair on women (armpits, legs). Now I realize maybe that was more about the association with guys and my attraction to, but sublimated in a more acceptable manner. Whatever, I'm happily labeling myself bi/pan now, so it all works.

[ajtent]

I had the same fantasy and wished to be forced into being a girl.
If you read the paper at the link below, you will see three types and I certainly fit into category 3.
After I realized that no one was going to "force feminize" me, I had to do it myself.
I started hormones this week and will present as male, but have the orchi and breasts.
I am 64, it is who I am, what I need to be and after 55 years of abusing myself in an effort to get there, this is what is best for me. My best regards to you!

http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

[Jin]

Those are all fun fantasies. My wife has introduced me to much of that on her own. For me, I really like girls. In fact, I like them so much that I enjoy pretending to be one!. And most girls like boys, so "When in Rome..."

I enjoy being with a woman as a man, and with a man as a woman. Not so much being with a man as a man, but part of the femdom role is that I seldom get to choose who she gives me to.

Bottom line, (no pun) I like it all.

[Lexi Nexi]

I had the same fantasy and wished to be forced into being a girl.
If you read the paper at the link below, you will see three types and I certainly fit into category 3.
After I realized that no one was going to "force feminize" me, I had to do it myself.
I started hormones this week and will present as male, but have the orchi and breasts.
I am 64, it is who I am, what I need to be and after 55 years of abusing myself in an effort to get there, this is what is best for me. My best regards to you!

http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

The further an individual gets from believing he can ever live as a female, the more acute and disruptive his dysphoria becomes.

That is a good quote from that paper. I feel like have the opportunity to transition now and that window will close as I get older. I really wish had "the balls" to do this 10 years ago when I was 25. Luckily having low test for years possibly all my life hasn't aged me much into a male form.

I know I need to transition because I had a vision that when I turned of retirement age my desire would be incredibly great to be a woman and I would feel as if I wasted my life away and do some sort of hasty and extreme transition. This is why I often wished I was gay because I knew that if I had the fortitude to come out of the closet around puberty it would have been incredibly easy to say "I like men and thats why I need to become a woman.". But instead I was so focused on meeting a hot girl friend/wife I thought I would never be able to do that as a woman. Sometimes I still do. I have to remind myself that there is almost a god or higher power that has given me a whole bunch of things that will make me a better woman: like having no testosterone,smallness, and many girl features. Things that if I was a normal "100%" male I would have to over come as well probably doubling the effort/risk and some things that can't be changed.

My dysphoria went down after I started taking testosterone but really I was just pushing it back in my mind and letting it come out as mental illness.

[Roll]

I know I need to transition because I had a vision that when I turned of retirement age my desire would be incredibly great to be a woman and I would feel as if I wasted my life away and do some sort of hasty and extreme transition. This is why I often wished I was gay because I knew that if I had the fortitude to come out of the closet around puberty it would have been incredibly easy to say "I like men and thats why I need to become a woman.".

The idea of me as an old man... oh god, it's a nightmare, and the idea makes me almost physically ill (seriously, putting the old filter on faceapp on male picture is a huge trigger for me). The idea of me an as an old woman... I dunno, it's not that I want to age, but it is so much more comforting a thought (and conversely, putting the old filter on faceapp on female picture is almost heart warming). That was a big sign for me I needed to transition, and transition now, because deep down I know that if I don't, I'd simply be there in 30 years at retirement age doing it.

But on the gay thing... God, knowing without question that I wasn't a gay man was the strangest feeling I could never quite reconcile with my thoughts and desires. I actually had a internal dialogue a number of times along the of "Am I gay? Hrrm... No, I'm definitely not gay... Wait, why am I not gay?". Just plain didn't make sense to me without the extra context I was repressing.

[linda troung vu]

When I'm with my wife I imagine that im her and having sex with a guy. 😆 lol  I just can't focus on being a real man and having a intimate love with my wife. since I've been with her from the start I always fantasy that I was her. When I was cross dressing as a teenager and early 20s I have been with a few men and it was so real and made me feel like a normal female .yes I've always had that thought in my head when I'm with my wife I want to be her so much. Lol.😆 haha