Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on December 20, 2017, 01:26:03 AM
Regarding part of the comment I made on the self doubt aspect, I always run through my head not understanding why I feel so sure Im a guy, I just am. Yet I just dont understand why I had to go through with all this, that maybe I could have lived more as a masculine female before I did this.
It makes sense from all the science we have on trans conditions so far. Personally I don't think science has to be at odds with religion, but I know some people have trouble with that idea. Anyway, it always makes sense to me if you just think about it from a cis perspective - would a cis man be cool with developing female anatomy? or a cis woman with male? probably not. Why couldn't they just live with it, like we're expected to, since stuff like gynaecomastia is actually a "natural"-occuring condition? Maybe some of them could but I guarantee most of them would be as dysphoric as we are and would want that stuff dealt with. Stuff like that is almost like a partial trans condition and it really screws with people's heads and self-esteem. We're no different. We have a body/brain condition that puts us in an abnormal place mentally.
I know some people can manage that condition and continue to live without doing anything about it. I could have if I absolutely had to but honestly - I think that would have been like making a sick person go without any sort of medications for life.
QuoteI never thought I was a boy as a kid, though. I constantly tried to look for cool female role models that emulated the cool male ones I enjoyed, I tried being the "tomboy" girl a lot, I never once intended to be a guy. So why am I now?
Well you're the same as me, then. Although I could never relate to most of the female role models very well, I never thought "I AM a boy." That didn't even enter into my head until many years later. What I did know was that making me do girl stuff made me feel weird and ashamed. If people accidentally thought I was a boy at any point I suddenly kind of perked up. This happened before I had time to formulate any potential self-delusions, when I was a little kid, and little kids just are what they are. But even if you didn't have that, don't forget that your brain and personality isn't even full developed as a child. You're literally only about a half of who you'll be once puberty hits and changes how you think and rewires your brain. There's a lot about me that didn't exist in child me before then. I never aspired to be a boy either. It felt nice to be mistaken for one, but I didn't go out of my way to do it, so why do I now? Well... I don't. I take hormones because they help me a lot with coping and with the sort of changes that feel better and I hope to get a couple of minor body alterations in the near future, but I haven't changed myself other than my name. Other people have changed how they see me, not me really. I'm still just me, my consciousness doesn't have a gender I don't think. Man stuff feels more right so I gravitate toward it but I'm not going to deny my own origins to myself. I mean if you feel the way you do and you're definitely not just jealous of males or trying to be a man for some other reason, than that is the undeniable truth. It just is, it's what you need, for some reason. Maybe the reason doesn't matter any more than the reason we need air. We're still gonna need it.
QuoteLately it just dawned on me, if I knew much earlier that there were girls who felt like boys and WERE boys, like I learned at 18-19, I would have been curious about being that way because it perfectly described me back then like it did at 18. I wouldnt have just been a girl...I WOULD have been a boy. I dont have doubts because there's really just not much room for doubt
This is my argument for the case toward at least mentioning the trans issue in schools around the time kids are old enough for sex ed. If I'd had that information too, I'd have known
instantly that was my issue, I was practically on the cusp of figuring it out but lacked the one thing necessary - some other people with evidence that proves it's not just in MY head, but a phenomenon in the world. Instead because nobody ever mentioned it, it remained some nebulous doubt in my mind that it was some other problem, vanity or whatever. And it got suppressed because of that and just slept under the surface for a few years, but it never went away. If trans stuff really is some kind of delusion, believe me, I ought to be expert enough by now in deluding myself out of it and out of just about anything that bothers me, but I can't fix that one. That one is like PTSD or something, lodged in the brain, coming out whenever something triggers it, which is pretty much every time I'm reminded of what a woman's body looks like. There are so many people with the exact same classic symptoms as well... who all seem to be like "yeah, this trans thing sucks, I just want to be normal and not be bothered with this crap."
I can understand some people get into a situation where they've been exposed to trans people and think ...
maybe I'm like them? When they're actually not. And I think the devil is in the severity, not the details, here. If someone asks if they're really trans I would say you have to sit down with yourself and do some serious self-searching, or soul-searching, or whatever. That's what I had to do, anyway. Was just a case of weighing up the
Truth of any suffering in the past (don't lie to yourself)
Reasons behind that suffering (don't lie to yourself)
Suffering in the present and the reasons behind that (take everything out of the equation but what you honestly feel in the moment)
Potential for suffering in the future... is there any chance this is gonna stop, based on your life so far etc.
And it's a cumulative answer, suffering past plus present plus probability of future suffering... but it has to be based on total absolute honesty about what you know about yourself. For me that's tough because I buried the past real hard. I barely remember some of the things. But I know what has always freaked me out, at least, and that's always been the idea of stepping into a woman's role. I literally seem to behave about it the way any cis schoolboy would if he was told he had to roleplay as a girl in school in front of everyone for an entire year, dressing like one and being called one. Mortifying. I would check the hell out and be completely dejected for that entire year, if I didn't run away first. And that's characterized my life until this point. Complete demotivation to exist.
That and the fact I never wanted to even look at or touch what's between the legs, or on the chest, much less go out and share it with people.
Maybe that was easy for me because of the severity of it, but most of us have some sort of experience like this that adds up when you think about it.
