The "worst" experiences, for me, came from people who claimed to be my friends.
I had some stuff from people who weren't. Although it was girls who were the worst, for some reason. Most of the guys in my class at school never really bothered with me, as a rule, I kind of flew under the radar, although there were these two girls in my class who kept doing trivial stuff, pushing me around and whatnot... I guess because I didn't fight back. I just smiled and pretended to brush it off. But they seemed to enjoy psychological abuse and the occasional physical outburst. I guess it made them feel special or something.
No, the worst came from people who claimed to be my friends. I never had much physical bullying, although there was one guy who... well... he peed on my head from a tree he decided to climb one day. That makes me shudder to even think about. I think I went through probably two bottles of shampoo and a bottle of shower gel trying to get rid of the smell, and thought of it, lol.
But I think the worst came from the small group of people who, at the time, I considered my best friends. Particularly two guys. One I went on holiday with him and his family, and the other I used to go to his house pretty much every weekend. We were... well, I thought we were close. Then the start of one school year, for no apparent reason, they both decided, along with another guy, to make my life a misery. Not with physical actions, but psychological. Words can hurt as much as any physical violence. Especially when they're leveled at your whole family as well as yourself. Constantly, and with venom. But it wasn't what they said that bothered me so much as the fact that they said it. I thought they were my friends and I don't think I've ever felt more alone than at that time. I think that, like you, Julia, I was an easy target. I didn't do the whole bravado thing. I was always a somewhat sensitive, quiet kid. And people seem to like to pick on those because they think they can.
They say that you're supposed to tell the teachers and get it dealt with, and unfortunately it reached a point where I started skipping school... and then it got out to my mum, who got in touch with the school... but it backfired spectacularly. Rather than them being punished for anything, I was put in isolation "for my own good", even though I never understood what I did wrong. And spent the rest of that year alone, at the back of a classroom, having my work brought to me.
If I'm honest, it has led to a lot of the trust issues I have, even now. I find it hard to make friends, because I find it hard to trust people. And letting people get close to me... it's something I struggle with. Stuff like that can have long lasting implications.
But... something interesting happened a few years ago. This guy who did the whole peeing from a tree thing... I happened to be listening to a radio phone in, and he called the show. I knew instantly it was him. He talked about how his life is a misery, and how he's made to feel like an outcast by almost everyone. How he turned to drugs and whatever else to try and cope with it. See this guy was big. Like... very big. While we were all 5 foot nothing kids, he was this six-five monster. I think that's why he enjoyed bullying people. But something that he felt was a blessing at a young age became a curse later on in life. And I think he was struggling with stuff himself.
At first I thought "you reap what you sow", and it was hard for me to feel sorry for him, but the more I listened to him, the more I did feel sorry for him. He spoke about how he was bullied a lot when he was a kid, because of his height, and weight... obviously not physically, but mentally. And I realised that everyone is as fragile as everyone else, and some people just take the stuff they're dealing with out on those around them. I felt sad for him, that his life had amounted to essentially nothing. Because as a kid he felt powerful over others but that didn't translate into adulthood. And that he was subject to the same things he himself was subjecting others to. The old saying "two wrongs don't make a right" was never more apt. But sadly that's something a lot of people who bully others don't seem to realise.
I try to take that into everyday life with me now, and try to understand people, and why they do what they do. Bullying leaves scars, there is no doubt about it. I am so, so sorry that happened to you, Julia, and to everyone else who has/had to put up with it. It's something that, ideally, shouldn't happen. No matter what stage one is in their lives.
