Quote from: Laurie on January 16, 2018, 02:23:11 PM
One more thing that has added to my not caring if I live to tomorrow is my cancer history. It haunts me. I am not supposed to be here. Twice I was supposed to die from it. Yet I am here. Instead of joy I face an uncertain future. Three times I have fought with it. The forth will no doubt kill me if I even live that long. All of these contribute to my not wanting to be here and not caring if I were to die. it just doesn't matter... nothing else matters.
Laurie, maybe look at it another way. Maybe you
are supposed to be here. Maybe the fighting was for a reason. Sweetie, life is a matter of perspective. It's about how you look at the world.
You're here. You fought and won. More than once. We can only take the future one day at a time but we can make each day count. We can get to the end of each day knowing that we did something that day which made the world a better place. If not for ourselves then for someone else.
I believe things happen for a reason. You know the stuff that's happened to me. In spite of everything, and how I feel, I believe it's made me a better person, overall. No matter what I do or don't want, I believe it's allowed me to understand my purpose in the world. To understand why I'm here.
Laurie, I think you're here for a reason. I think there's a reason you haven't given up yet. I believe that if you didn't want to be here, or didn't deep down believe there's something worth fighting for, then you wouldn't be. I think that you
are supposed to be here. For yourself and others. But I know you don't believe that, yet. Neither did I. But it's my hope you will, one day.
Until that day, know that I'm here if you need to talk, vent, rage, cry, laugh, or whatever else, okay?
*extra big hug*
