Hello folks,
Previously I made a post asking various questions about Male to Female (MtF) Transitioning, and was astonished to see the many positive comments that were given. I would like to give a bi thanks to all of the users who took their time to comment to my questions, it means a lot.
I have tried to avoid this site because of the many things people have told me about it, disregarding their statements I find this site to be a very resourceful accepting community. It has been over a month since I have posted and would like to leave a bit of an update of where things have been going, and some questions I have.
So far I have came out to one of my parents for reasons not even I understand and yet they were quite accepting but very confused at the same time. I am a very introverted individual and find many topics to be embarrassing when I am exfoliated in them. I find it very embarrassing to use clothes of the opposite gender and to discuss how I feel about my gender identity. So of course being the person I am I just told them to forget I even said anything which is making me miserable. Im thinking about hinting to my parents that I am indeed transgender. (Clothes, colors, characters, avatars, etc.) very stereotypical but mind you my parents grew up in the 60's.
Last night I was in our lounge out in the California wilderness with my father and a few of our neighbors when I brung up the discussion of transgenders and gender identity. I am aware that it was indeed appropriate of me to unleash this discussion as we are practically family. and the discussion was going to arise at some point anyways. If I felt it was going to be inappropriate I would not of opened my pie hole in the first place.
After extensive evaluation to my father regarding this topic, my father came to the conclusion that its the parents fault that the child is transgender, that some how the parents were at fault which indeed made no sense to me. My neighbor stepped in for me trying to convince my father that the ideology he was using was concluding to nothing, and that it made no sense.
One thing my neighbor did do however when I asked her if its appropriate for a transgender woman to be classified as her or she, is the fact that they said that would be inappropriate. I don't agree nor do i disagree with this in any way. However it made me really question if I really am transgender. "Of course I am", "No way in hell." my neighbor came up with quite the compelling response. "He and She is just biological. its way to describe the sexual organs one has."
Is it really okay to identify as SEXUALITY. and not just a GENDER. I feel like the answer would be yes, but not humane in nature.
I've been doing certain things to make myself feel more feminine. However thats quite hard when you have a father who you don't want feeling bad and feeling that they may have failed as a parent, and how I barely have any clothes or items at my disposal. in rare occasions I speak to myself and others in a feminine voice to try and compensate the dysphoria but its never enough, and quite embarrassing in my opinion.
On the count of dysphoria, I myself am not too proud of the things I have been doing to handle dysphoria, some times I wish it would just go away, and that maybe its an illness or that I am defective as a human in society. it happens wherever and whenever, sometimes it will hit hard, other times not so much. I'm still trying to find ways to cope with the situation of dysphoria
i'll probably be doing an all nighter tonight when I should be sleeping for my mothers birthday tomorrow. I think ill manage. If anyone wants to chat with me ill be more than happy to do so. that is unless i'm playing Mysims on my DSI XL
I hope everyone has a good night/day
Altoids out.
