Sub consious truama and getting over it

[SailorMars1994]

Hey everyone! Feels like I'm never here but I need to ask or say something. I noticed that I tend to be very hard on myself. As many of you know it was near impossible for me to even slightly embrace myself this time a year ago. Living as a female is everything I wanted so my mind seemed to be able to shut that off while fixated on the dysphoira. Now, I had a bit of an apifiny on February 7th. My step dad , who is a narcissist full and throw got mad because I didn't thank him for my mom letting me drive her car. The same car he tried to tell her not to let me drive fornthe proceeding 10 mins. Anyways, when I asked why I should thank him for driving my moms car and after asking why I should thank him given he was trying to convince her not to let me drive he flew into a rail spin. I got called very name in the book and this: got made fun of for being on anti depressants as a kid, he made fun of my bio dad saying I'm going to end up as traitor trash like him, misgendered me, dead named me, called me stupid, retarded, made fun of my weight, etc. However, the eye opener was that what he was saying had been my inner voice for so many years, and through time to time, especially when at peak happiness those voices come back out. Which explains why when people go out of their way for me  or I'm at work and I'm doing a good job and someone says "hey, you're doing a good job" I get kinda anxious and even kinda freeze not knowing what to say or do. I don't like being told I'm a mess up but my mind is so programmed to believe or at the very least look for that message. The issue is although life's been getting better I stilll have dark periods. My therapist said that when i experience dysphoira it comes in two sets, annoying disgust that can be shakes off or if persistent enough extreme anxiety that she said is like a ptsd symptoms..  the old voices come back and overwhelm.

I'm getting better in regards to starting a new job I want, getting into college and becoming involved in the community but then I get super anxious I'm moving forward or even helping others. How does one get into the sub consious to stop the negativity? Thabks

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Ashley.  Like I was saying when we were chatting earlier, there are no shortcuts.  All that stuff gets buried in the subconscious, and it has to be dug out to get rid of it.  The reason we bury it deep in the first place is because it stinks.  But to get rid of it, digging it up, the stink is still there.  There is no other way to get rid of it. 

Beware of burying it again.  That just prolongs the agony.

I am so glad you are getting help to deal with it.

[Sno]

Hi hon,

This sounds like cPTSD to me - an emotional response from repeated traumatic events over a long period of time.It's called complex, because it gives emotional flash backs, not visual, and it can be from hundreds of incidents, not one single incident. The only treatment is therapy.

Have a look at this vid.

https://youtu.be/_qIAZcOryl4



Kati Morton is a licensed therapist, and refers to the DSM, however, as she highlights in this vlog, cPTSD was not entered as a diagnosis by the APA, as they felt it was already covered. It is likely to be in the next one, as it has already been recognised by many other physchiatric bodies and organisations around the world, and ratified as a diagnosis.

And a personal recount from someone with the disorder

https://youtu.be/Q6iTWkaBn68


This is worth talking about with your therapist.

Hugs


Rowan