What do you think of the 'always knew' narrative?
Just came across this in a post... Before that phrase used to make me uncomfortable and now it slightly irritates me.
What do you think? Did you 'always know' you were trans? What does that phrase mean to you exactly?
It seems many trans people struggle with this. And after all it seems the majority of us didn't 'always know'...! Far from it!
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For me, this one is easy:
Like I said, that phrase used to make me very uncomfortable. That brought to my mind those child transitioners like Jazz Jennings who had their family's support and seemed to always have known plus acted a plain girl.
Me on the other hand wasn't the tomboy as a child plus I was discouraged to act in any way boyish. I didn't have boy toys, nor boy clothes. I mostly played with dolls.
In fact, I did socially transition at 13 nevertheless. But my family still thinks my childhood somehow 'proves' I'm not trans!
Now, I think of it like this:
I didn't 'always know' I'm trans or a boy. I identified as a girl, because that's what society told me I was. It was a fact of nature. So I didn't insist I was a boy instead. However, I've always been
me, this person I still am. So, I have multiple instances in my childhood I felt dysphoric in or uncomfortable of my assigned gender. I of course didn't know the word 'dysphoria', neither transgender. I was fascinated by anything crossdressing/trans stuff (because it spoke straight to my core) and in a way I always knew there were people who did that. (Because I was one of them, obviously.)
1) I wasn't allowed to explore this boy part of me in any way as a child. So it didn't really 'show' outside what I felt inside!
2) I wasn't aware of transitioning, dysphoria, etc. etc. as a young child, so I couldn't identify as a trans boy either.
BUT I've always been me. And thus I've come to the conclusion that, yes, after all, I 'always knew' in a way. My earliest gender related memories are from 1-4 years old. I didn't
always feel discomfort for being a girl; but I've felt discomfort in such situations as long as I can remember, i.e. always.
So, imo, the whole 'always knew' narrative is some BS. TV loves that! And I'm glad there are families who openly let their children be their true selves and are genuinely interested in their child's well-being and getting to know them as a unique person. However, I'm guessing that's a minority. Most parents (unfortunately) don't let their children freely express their gender in any way possible.
I've struggled with that sentence. And I'm sure many people have!!! And will. As if you were more valid as yourself if you 'always knew'.
The other controversial statement is 'trapped in the wrong body'. Maybe I should make a thread of that as well
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